My dad is 81, & has dementia, COPD, diabetes & high blood pressure. 4 years ago I had him moved to a nursing home near me because I was working as a teacher. I had only seen my dad 4 times in my life...I'm 53 now. However we did keep in touch somewhat over the years. I've since lost my job due to work related illness. Now that I'm no longer working (am applying for retirement disability) I've been considering bringing my dad home to care for myself which I had considered at first but didn't want to give up my career & benefits. Now that work isn't part of the picture anymore, Ive
been feeling more inclined to do so. I hate going to the nursing home and seeing how he's just fading away. I know the home does what they can but I just wonder if him having one on one care would be
more stimulating then being parked in a wheelchair in the hallway for hours and sleeping most of the day & night. He says "What else is there to do?" The nursing home staff are
not in support of me bringing him home cuz they think it'll be too much. However, I've been a nursing assistant before & am familiar with finger sticks & doing his breathing treatments. I'm not married &
my kids are gone, I don't lead a very social life...I thought having someone around would be beneficial to us both. I also have 2 other CNA's
lined up for support or relief...plus my dad has a $3400 a month retirement that could help with in home care & other expenses if I needed it. I know it won't be easy but I feel like I can give him a little bit better quality of life than at the
home. All he says is he doesn't want to be a burden. I feel that I should "honor thy father" & hope we still might form some kind of relationship. Our incomes together won't leave us struggling. How does that qork? Am I supposed to pay myself or do our finances get pooled
together? Everytime I see him I'm all for bringing him home...I've even got
his room decorated & set up. However I can't make some other modifications in the bathroom for him until I have his income to help pay for it. Then the home talks me out of it...or I read the cons on here & I wonder if its the right thing. Sorry for the rambling. But I'm confused...one day I'm gung ho & ready to do it...others I wonder if I can handle it...then others I don't think I want to...but then I see him there...sad...depressed & think I can do better for him. Then I feel guilty
needing to use his money to help make adaptive changes for him & get a car to transport him in. But for $6000+ a month he shares a very
small room, has two small drawers,
& half a cupboard to hang clothes. So yeah I could go on & on but I'm
sure you get the picture. I really
need your thoughts, opinions, & questions to help me figure this out. Do I need a reality check or....?
I agree with the others, it's too much for you to handle at this stage in the game. But you can still make his life better by spending more time with him while saving your own physical and mental health.
Is he paying $6,000 out of pocket or is that what medicaid is paying? They won't pay you. (And I am betting the he won't either.)
Perhaps you are craving the relationship you did not have with him. Unfortunately, it is too late, if you bring him home, you will be working very long hours, he will likely not become any "happier" than he is and he will continue to devolve and require more and more care, returning him to a home will be even more heartbreaking.
You are applying for disability which means that you are stating that you physically or mentally unable to work, yet you think you can take on what is a highly physically and emotionally demanding lifestyle. Be honest with yourself, what is the situation.
53 is young to retire, unless you have a handicap or work affecting illness, you will likely not be approved for disability.
If you do bring him home he can pay you to care for him, draw up a contract. If he ever needs to go on Medicaid, home improvements, albeit for his benefit may be seen as a gift, so see an attorney.