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My father has recently entered a nursing home. He has been for some time now obsessed with his bowel movements, mainly constipation. He suffers anxiety which has lessened since entering the facility. However he is obsessed daily with his bowel movements. If he goes first thing in a morning we all have a good day, but if not he is a nervous wreck. He is medicated for it, but sometimes asks for too much and then is the the other way. He will discuss it with everyone even if they're just delivering his cup of tea. I am not embarrassed by this but am concerned that it is off putting for others and that people will start avoiding him and not caring about him. I have asked him not to discuss it with everyone, however, he continues to. The doctor believes there is nothing wrong with him medically in this department and that he is simply obsessed. We are making arrangements for him to be seen by a mental health professional. I would be greatful for your input this is wearing me down I left the facility in tears yesterday. I'm at a bit of a loss as to how to help him.

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Well, to be honest, it sounds like you’re obsessing about HIS obsessing. Since he is in a nursing home, surrounded by other elderly people, the staff is well-used to this kind of discussion. They will smile, nod and if required, offer some sympathy and hopeful words for a good “outcome” if he hasn’t “gone”. They will also celebrate with him if he has gone. Then, they will simply move on to the next resident and the next discussion about bowel habits. Telling him not to discuss this with the staff is fruitless and it is obviously upsetting you. Take a deep breath and a hint from the staff. Listen, offer sympathy or congratulations and then redirect. Bowel obsessions are super common in the elderly.
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kemahe Apr 2019
Thanks Ahmijoy for replying. He is 93 and at this stage on respite. The NH raised the issue with me as they are leaving his medical issues up to us at stage as his dr is not a local once he becomes permanent they will be able to manage it with a local doctor easier. That will be happening in the next few weeks. Your words have however given me a little reality check it that is not up to me to obsess over his obsessing. Cheers
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You have arrived! The poop obsessive stage. In my experience. It happened to Grandma 25 years ago and Grandpa 2 years before. They we're more obsessed with the end result rather than if they had a bowel movement but bodily function obsessions seem to be the norm rather than the excecption. Maybe his Dr could prescribe a mild setative for when he can't calm down? At this stage please don't be worried about addiction. He may become physically dependant on certain medication that helps him. Like pain meds which if doesn't need don't start that would be really bad for his bowl movements. Next month he'll be talking about something else and you'll be like dad can we please talk about your bowl movements again? Lol
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kemahe Apr 2019
Iv arrived alright, can I take a plane to the previous destination. He is on a sedative that helps him calm him. He is 93 so not sure I am worried at this stage about addiction. Sadly some of the meds side affects are constipation, its a lesser of 2 evils at this stage. He is already talking about how tired and lathagic he is and I think you are right, I will look back and want to talk about his bowel motions, I think we may need to embrace it and just enjoy the time we have left with him. Thanks for taking time to reply I do appreciate it.
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It's good he's seeing doctors, to make sure that he's okay, but, mental health issues like that are pretty common, imo. People can get compulsions about certain aspects of their health and it's just as real to them as if it were a real problem. I know several seniors who are obsessed with toileting. I'm serious. I'm not sure what it is. I'd give up on asking him to stop talking about it though, because, if he's going to do it, that won't help stop him. Maybe, the doctors can determine if it's OCD and treat it.
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kemahe Apr 2019
Thanks Sunnygirl1, took him to the Drs yesterday to make sure no underlaying problem. I think you are right, we just have to accept that this may be what it is and just give him the help he needs. He will be having a mental health professional visit him and if that helps great, if not at least we have tried. The NH says this is beyond any obsession they have seen but reading the posts on here, I wonder how it is, obvioulsy others have experienced the same thing. Take care.
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My Dad lives relatively independently and one of the first topics of conversation when visiting is his bowel movements or lack there of. But It is not new for him, as children he asked us if we were 'regular' on a daily basis.

Let the nursing home deal with it.
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kemahe Apr 2019
Thanks Tothill, as dad is only on respite the nursing home still asks us to deal with it. Dad has asked that he become permanent as he loves it there and they are really good to him so hopefully they will be able to take care of it once he becomes permanent and the dr can visit the facility. At this stage I drive him an hour to his current dr. that will change as we will get him a dr closer to where he will be staying. We are in a small country town and there are some great drs. here. Thanks for replying.
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The doctor who thinks your father is obsessed did do a full physical examination, did he? Just checking.
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kemahe Apr 2019
Took dad to dr yesterday to so I could ask for tests to rule out any issues, dr said they could do tests which would require an anesthesia, he is 93 yrs old, and if they found bowel cancer they would not treat it...wow...he then asked dad could he do a physical exam and dad said no...so he can't do without consent. Frustrating but it is his choice.
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I could have written this a year ago, so my empathy level is high. My father was completely all-consumed, obsessed, etc. with this, too. The moment he had success, he began to fret about the next episode. He would pace the floor and all of us were told non-stop every detail of his discomfort and concern. We were all about to walk the plank until the problem was solved. And here's the good news: this is fixable with a dose of MiraLAX every day with his meds. Instead of trying to convince him that he is over-worrying, let him know you understand this is a source of discomfort and angst, and introduce him to the new regimen. He must take it every day. Again, MiraLAX should be taken as part of his daily meds; not just when he is having a problem. You/the staff will need to monitor and skip a dose on the occasion that he is going too often. When things get this bad with a loved one we can't believe in such an easy fix, but trust me. It works. Follow the directions on the container and do not worry about his becoming addicted to a laxative. We are under the care of a doctor and he is the one who provided the solution. It was hard to get my father to believe in this. He was convinced he had a blockage and that the issue was structural. By the way, being sedentary doesn't help either. If your dad is able, make sure he gets some exercise every day. He will feel better all around. But with or without, the MariLAX will do the trick. My dad never complains anymore and if you only knew...that is nothing short of a miracle. Dry your tears, sweet caregiver. I will say a prayer for your success.
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cherokeegrrl54 Apr 2019
Sounds like my mom....🤷‍♀️SMH. One day says she is constipated, NOT! “Just cant go enough”. I ask, well what is enough? Next day diarrhea because she took too much laxative. Cant keep up with her. And she has no dementia or anything like this, but does obsess over BMs..... are all elderly like this??
BTW, she has no medical reason either....shes had all the tests, blood work etc. and i make sure she gets plenty of fiber etc
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Let Dad Go..Many times in a Nursing Home it is Just their Way to Get through the day. He won't Change and You are NOT there Every day, Professionals can Handle Mad Dad.
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This seems to be a common theme as people get older. My grandfather was obsessed and he mistakenly ate so much Ex-Lax that, well, you get the picture. Then my Dad became obsessed in his 80's and had a whole regimen of things he did every day to ensure things were moving along as they should. I think the more older folks lose control over other parts of their lives, they might feel this is an area they should be able to control and become fixated on it. The nursing home should have a lot of experience in these things as I'm sure they've seen it many times before. I wouldn't worry about them. I would make a joke about it with my Dad and then move on to other things (no pun intended). It seemed to help shift the discussion.
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kemahe Apr 2019
Thanks. Sadly the nursing home say they haven't seen someone this obsessed. So maybe they can all learn from this. I just hear dad out then switch to something positive. cheers
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We all talk about what is bothering us. I would frankly rather talk about this than politics!

Keep working with his doctors, nurses and aides to get him as many of those good mornings as possible— he will talk about it less. Maybe that will incentivize his healthcare workers.
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For those who say don't worry, let the nursing home handle it as they are experienced with it....not necessarily true. About a month ago my mom was in SEVERE pain when I got there, actually screaming in pain...I heard her when entering door of building. Nurse's ignoring the screams from her room. I ran down the hall, saw her, and demanded to see Dr. He was out of town for several hours. They had no suggestions. I made them call an ambulance and take her to hospital. She had bowel impaction and had a large buildup. In hospital for 3 days. She in not mobile. Had been complaing of pain for weeks from developing hemorrhoids.

Hospital prescribed the Miramax and prune juice daily regimen, with suppositories every day for the hemorrhoids. WE had been asking for weeks before this that she get prune juice every morning, but it did not happen. We even took prune juice up there and put cans on the dresser the prior week, but by then it was beyond just prune juice.

Then last week one day, she started complaining of the same hemorrhoid type pain. I had the aide change her in front of me and I checked her bottom....hemorrhoids again. I went out and asked whether she was still getting the suppositories for them..and the nurse said, well no, we didn't know she still needed them. Well, I wonder, do your aides not report this when they change her ? As my brother says, nursing homes are just warehouses for the elderly. There is little or no compassion.....and not just in this one. I talk with several friends who either have family or friends in a NH in this county...and all the same problems. Sorry for the rant, but I am sooooo frustrated. She does not deserve this.

By the way, we went to NH administrator about this. When we told her about the nurses and aides just standing around nurse's station while my mom screamed and screamed, the administrator brushed that off, saying they get immune to screaming because they hear so much of it. On the other hand, I still have dreams about that.
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anonymous903302 Apr 2019
Okay.

This is not going to help your relative get better, but it may help you in the future to know that you did not allow the NH to slide by and not take care of your relative in the right way.

#1. Person to person conversations or phone calls with the NH staff are not recorded. Which you know, of course. And, yes, some of the nurses and staff and even unit managers will lie to you.
#2. If possible, alter your visitation times. If you always go the same days and time, believe me, they know that. Just show up at other times; don't even tell your relative in advance. Trust me, if this particular NH is shading you, they will freak out if you just start showing up when they do not expect you. Watch and see what they do. If all of a sudden, within one hour after you get there, everyone from the nurse to the aide to housekeeping shows up in the room......hey....they are afraid of you. That's not their normal schedule. That is how you monitor them.
#3. Every time something happens that seems not right to you, and every time your relative calls and complains, just take the time to enter the time and date of the call and the complaint in your calendar; whether that's on your iPhone or Samsung, or even just get a normal notebook, whatever. Just do it. It won't prove anything as far as evidence, but it will show that you were keeping track and entering details.
#4. You need to put your concerns and complaints in writing, and send them to the NH, to everyone to the top administrator to any unit manager and unit nurse, and do not email it and do not snail mail it: you must mail it registered/certified mail so that you have proof that someone signed for it. I always go to the UPS store. Yes, it costs money. But, I always know that it was delivered, and can track it, and I have a record. And, CC everyone you want to. The "CC" scares the crap out of people below the top level. You can follow the same letter up with an email, but PLEASE do not opt for the easy, free way to lodge your complaints. If you do not do it in a way that you can prove you did it, it's the same as not doing it.

Lastly, based on what you told all of us, your relative is in a shitty NH. I hope that there is a way to transfer your relative.
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I agree with PCH111 about Miralax or the genaric brand. Given every 2 days was better when it was needed. Prune juice seems to work better when it is warmed slightly. Many things cause the bowels not to work properly, lack of movement, meds, hemorrhoids, etc. Most people know if they do not go, toxicity will cause problems. If LO is obsessed with it, give them a large calender. Tell them to put an "X" on everyday they go. If there are 3 days that they haven't gone(not checked), they need to take Miralax or ask for help. Stomach massages help, too. Go to www.youtube.com & watch a few. Some massages are on self, while others require a caregiver.
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Another thing that causes constant issues with constipation and Bowel irregularities is that they don’t drink nearly enough water! we went thru this with MIL in the past couple of months. Ended up at the ER with severe impaction. She has incontinence issues so she’s convinced herself that drinking less water will fix that. *sigh* she probably takes in 12-20 oz per day MAX-many times less. That issue however did convince my FIL of the need to up his water intake.
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anonymous903302 Apr 2019
I sympathize. I put small plastic bottles of water, or small glasses of fresh water, in every room of my mother's apartment, and kept a large glass with a straw on her nightstand in bedroom, and tried to explain to her why it was important, and all I got back was "I am over 90 years old and too to make changes." So, I tried to explain that this was not a "change" just a healthy thing. That was a fail. Even now, at the nursing home, she drinks coffee at breakfast and lunch, and tea at dinner and again at 9 pm, but never just water, even though she always has a 16 ounce styrofoam cup of water at her bedside with a lid and a straw.

Honestly, I just don't understand it. Yeah, I know....walking around all day and night with your own water bottle is something that started maybe 10-15 years' ago. So, someone who is 91 years old is not going to "get it."

But, it's just water. Why oh why can't they just understand that it's a medical issue and drink the water the same way that they take their meds, and get upset when they don't think they get their meds on time?

I asked the entire medical staff: they said they cannot do anything other than to "suggest" that she drinks more water.

It's a serious problem. I understand.
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I give my wife Clearlax from the Supermarket. One cap full a day in her water which I top off with apple juice to hide the taste. The method was doctor suggested the apple juice was an RN's idea. I believe the equivalent to Clearlax is Metamucil. Works very well with daily results.
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kemahe Apr 2019
Thanks Majinf1 for the tip. I will ask his RN. Take care
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Since YOU are at your wits end and to soothe your mind, ask your dad’s doctor to do an abdominal X Ray to prove there is no impaction. (I’m assuming that the doc has already done a digital (finger) exam rectally.)

If the X Ray comes back negative then all is well. The radiologist is the one “reading” the X Ray and has the final diagnosis. Ask for the radiologist’s report. If everything is not OK, then steps will need to be taken to remove the impaction (Enema first, hopefully that does it.)

Its easy to “dismiss” older people’s idiosyncrasies but you need to make sure nothing is wrong before you write off their complaints.

After everything has been checked, things you can do to encourage your dad to keep his bowels moving are;
1. Drink more water (or non-caffeinated drinks). Elderly NEVER drink enough.
2. Eat prunes or drink 4 oz. prune juice/day.
3. Walk as much as possible-even if it’s only up and down the halls of the facility.
4. Eat fruits and vegetables every day.
5. On the advice of his doc, add Miralax to his medication regimen. (I believe it’s over the counter but you would need the doctor’s approval first.)
6. Also ask if he can start stool softeners. Do not confuse these with laxatives-they are not! Stool softeners just keep more water in the stool, making it easier to pass.
7. Check with the doc to see if any of dad’s other meds cause constipation.

Now, I’ll agree that lots of seniors are bowel obsessed. Many were told as kids that they would get sick if they didn’t “go” every day. Many poor seniors are straining to push out something that isn’t there or ready to come out. Bowels, like many other body functions don’t have a built in clock for when to work.
He’s NOT going to stop talking about it, so, after he’s been thoroughly checked and cleared, you will need to acknowledge his concern then turn off your listening. Do NOT continue to engage him on the subject-redirect the conversation. If necessary, get up to go get a drink of water (and get him one too) or go to the bathroom. If it won’t stop, you’ll need to politely excuse yourself and leave. You must take care of your sanity too.

Good luck. 😌
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anonymous903302 Apr 2019
SueC1957,

Excellent response. I have learned that obsession with BMs is very common among elderly. Also, that someone can be impacted even if they are having some BMs.

It won't stop, if it's an obsession. You do have to just lay down the law and say that it's a topic that you will not discuss. And, then just ask the head Nurse if there's an issue. My mother now 91 has been obsessed with BMs for years. When she lived at home, she started every day with a suppository --- for years. When she had 24/7 caregivers, we hid the suppositories and found ways to bribe her to drink more water and also had a rule that she had to drink some prune juice at breakfast. And, give Mirolax or Dulcolax. At the times the doctor told us to.

Now she is in a nursing home. They have a fixed protocol (which can be adjusted, of course), consisting of a schedule every day for stool softeners and light laxatives, it probably consists of 4 things a day --- but no suppositories. And, prune juice at breakfast.

And, yes, it's true. If the parent doesn't eat well for only one day, but gets all the meds for constipation, then, yes, her bowels will try to expel everything. And you will hear complaints about diarrhea. Two days ago, my mother ate none of her lunch, but she is in a Jewish-based facility, and it's still Passover, so when they took way her "uneaten lunch" I had them leave the matzoh.....which is very binding.....but only because she was complaining about diarrhea all morning and I could smell in her bathroom that a lot had been going on in there. Like way too much going on.

They try to get her to NOT flush the toilet, so the aides can record when she has a BM, but of course she won't go along with that; probably just cannot remember. But, seriously....the smell alone should let them know that she had a BM. I definitely smell it, when I visit and she goes to the bathroom. And, that's even with gel air freshener.

There's really no way to get rid of the obsession. But, there is a way to have the doctor institute a medication protocol. Not a PRN....but a definitive schedule.
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I have an old and I mean OLD book on child rearing---probably published in the 20's--the 1920's--more time is spent on making sure your child had regular bowel movements I couldn't believe it.

I guess "science" has begun to prove that fecal matter was poisonous to the body and you needed to get that out ASAP. The thinking was that you'd sit the child on the potty first thing, everyday and they could not get up until they had had a BM.
It went beyond obsession, really. That's how my dad was raised and I know he stuck by this principle of 'health' all his life.

He was also administered a 'glob' of Vicks VapoRub when he had a cold (put in the mouth and let it slowly melt) and when he had a sore throat grandma swabbed his throat with Mercurochrome, which I believe had mercury in it.

In his later years he was pretty much immobile and on large doses of Percocet. He HAD to take laxatives and MiraLax both, everyday, to ensure having a BM. Opiates will slow you down very quickly. Aging doesn't help, and yes, many elders are chronically dehydrated. My mom withholds fluids as much as she can, but I don't think she drinks more than 24 oz in a day.

We struggled with this with my FIL too. He'd be backed up one day and we'd hear about it all day, then he'd have these blowouts and --oh well--he wore thong underwear. I. Just. Can't. It was the grossest thing in the world. He WOULD NOT wear briefs, not for anything. When I threw out the thongs--he went commando. Oh well, one less thing to wash.

So I guess that generation came by the regularity issues naturally--obsessed mama's wanting to be the best, most 'scientific' mamas they could be.

We never did get dad to a state of 'normal' for him. He would have a BM and begin worrying about the next one almost immediately. He wasn't bad with anyone but mom. He spared us kids such intimate stuff, until the very end.
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cherokeegrrl54 Apr 2019
O my gosh that made me laugh 🤣🤣reminds me of all the things my granmas used to make us do. I hated the vicks salve and also the methiolate....that stuff burned so bad!!!especially on a stubbed toe!! Then came the castoria or syrup of black draught to “clean us out”!!!! Those were the days, huh?? 😂
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This reminds me of my Mom a couple of years back. I was able to take her out to dinner many nights, and invariably the waitress would come by and ask if we wanted desert. My Mom would say yes and would ask what was available. Inevitably the waitress would mention Creme Brulee to which my Mom would explain (pretty loudly) that she couldn't eat it because it gave her gas. Ugh.. I got to the point where I just had to laugh. Good news is she is no longer doing it because she has since forgotten. See... there are some benefits to dementia!
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kemahe Apr 2019
In a strange way that made me laugh...thank you. Yes he discusses his gas too. Thank you
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This is my father. For years he was obsessed with getting cancer then it switched to BMs. I miss the cancer obsession. He would graphically describe it to me in the middle of a restaurant no less! I asked him why he was telling me all about his BMs and he genuinely thought I would want to know. This man would buy fleet enemas by the case. I just don’t get how he thought this was proper dinner conversation.
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shad250 Apr 2019
He thought it would be funny, and in a way it is.
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Was your dad one of those people, I think men in particular, that had a morning constitutional (not the walking one)? Many active people particularly of his generation stick to a routine when it comes to bowel movements most of their adult lives (you might be surprised how often heart attacks happen early in the morning in the bathroom) but when they age and become less active all kinds of things contribute to the need lessening. Sometimes medications affect the bowels but simply less activity, eating less, drinking less water and maybe not eating as much fiber will all contribute to less bowel movements and often constipation. For someone who went every morning like clock work it must be a big and concerning change and for someone with any sort of dementia it's probably even worse because the comforting pattern of routine isn't there.

Some good suggestions here about making sure he isn't in fact constipated or even impacted/becoming impacted and beyond that making sure he is drinking plenty of water, get's a pro-biotic and/or pro-biotic foods each day, takes fiber (my mom now takes "triple" fiber capsules which are primarily psyllium husk I believe) daily and gets as much exercise as possible. Mom had a bout with constipation and was impacted just not fully and we added Metamucil (turned into the capsules because just about the time I got a mega size she stopped enjoying drinking it, lol) and have been really on top of her water intake and it's helped straighten things out. But I would suggest that you have a doctor, a professional other than you, who is looking into any possible problems and cares so not sure if the one you mention is the right one or not, let him know that they have checked everything out and found the issue is that his system has slowed down, not eating as much, not as much exercise and that's normal, he might not have a BM every day and that's normal now but it is important he let someone know if it's been (whatever time determined...3 days?) and that he drink X amount of water a day, get X amount of fiber...the things suggested for helping his intestinal system straight (fermented foods especially if he likes any) so he has an investment and responsibility for keeping himself regular it's just adjusted a bit from what he's used to. I'm hoping the ability to focus on the things that will positively affect his plumbing along with a new baseline might help shift his obsession or anxiety.

Maybe even once this discussion has taken place and you can then be on the same page as the doctor when reminding him it will give you an acceptable (to both of you) way to divert the conversation if he starts in on the BM topic. So when he starts bringing it up you can ask, When was your last BM, yesterday oh remember doc said...how much water have you had today, you took your fiber, what have you eaten today, yesterday? Maybe we should go for a walk...that sort of thing. There is of course a good chance it is an obsession you just wont be able to break with reason and distraction or his system feeling better in which case a geriatric psychiatrist or specialist of some sort might be able to prescribe something that can help calm the obsessive thinking and it's not uncommon for an elder to just use the medication through the particular obsessive behavior and once it's broken they can come off it, not all the time but a fair amount of time. The trick of course is the be vigilant with making sure they try to take them off rather than just take the path of least resistance and leave them on a med that may no longer be necessary.

Good luck!
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kemahe Apr 2019
OMG thank you so much taking the time to reply. You have nailed it really. He is 93 and currently on respite in a care facility. He loves it there and wants to stay they are very good with him, however, they are the ones that approached me about his compulsion to talk about his bowels. He is that person that always had a BM first thing of a morning He does drink 1.5 litres water a day to the extend that he drinks 250mls every 3 hours...a little obsessive but thats how he manages it. He is eating really well in there as he always has even at home. He does get involved in the exercise program of a morning and walks albiet shuffles as much as he can and for his age its is a lot. I took him to the dr yesterday to do investigations into whether there is a deeper problem actually with his bowel, so that we can stop thinking its just in his head, however dad would not let the dr do a examination on him, and that is his choice, and the dr said we can do tests but if we find he has bowel cancer they wont treat it anyway. We have made arrangements for a mental health specialist to see him at the facility, again Dad is ok with that. Dr did suggest he get a dairy and write something positive in it every day...dad asked me on the way back to the facility "do I have to lie" I said "no you never have to lie..but I am sure you could come up with something positive" At the end of the day I believe this is his behavior and we need to do what we need to do to help him through it but at the end of the day maybe just enjoy the time we have left with him and I need to stop worrying that he will offend people. He has a very sharp mind and his body is failing him and for him and all of us its a hard thing to watch. Again thank you so much for your reply it was very helpful.
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Thanks Ahmijoy for replying. He is 93 and at this stage on respite. The NH raised the issue with me as they are leaving his medical issues up to us at stage as his dr is not a local once he becomes permanent they will be able to manage it with a local doctor easier. That will be happening in the next few weeks. Your words have however given me a little reality check it that is not up to me to obsess over his obsessing. Cheers
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Thanks Ahmijoy for replying. He is 93 and at this stage on respite. The NH raised the issue with me as they are leaving his medical issues up to us at stage as his dr is not a local once he becomes permanent they will be able to manage it with a local doctor easier. That will be happening in the next few weeks. Your words have however given me a little reality check it that is not up to me to obsess over his obsessing. Cheers
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Omgosh....this was my mother! First she wouldn't dare take the Immodium (and she needed to!!), then she would get blocked up (and she wouldn't take anything to help that). She was undergoing a colonoscopy - but didn't because she had a stroke.
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My mom who has passed used to be obsessed. I would just say can we talk about something else besides poop today?
DL
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i get a poop report every morning, rain or shine.
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mterpin Apr 2019
Me too :)
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This man obviously has dementia and is certainly lacking social skills. This is horrible. If I were in the room with him and he started with his talk, I would immediately look him in the eye and very firmly and strongly tell him HE IS NOT ALLOWED TO DISCUSS SUCH A PRIVATE ISSUE. YOU, nor anyone else in the room, does NOT want to hear this and he is to stop at once or everyone will leave. And if he starts up, ALL OF YOU GET UP AND LEAVE AT ONCE. Do this a few times and it may sink in. Try to change the subject but don't expect it will work.
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pch111 Apr 2019
I cannot speak for Kemahe, but my dad does not have dementia. He was asking for help. It sounds as though Kemahe is encountering the same situation. While it is not a topic any of us enjoy discussing, it is a basic bodily function and walking away doesn't help the person suffering. A compassionate response and effort to solve his concerns will help more than scolding, shaming, and stressing the individual who is hurting. Adhering to Miralax on a schedule took care of his problem.
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Constipation caused by meds can be helped by drinking Juicy Juice Cherry juice. It can be hard to find, so even the mixed fruit Juicy Juice can help. My m.i.l. had constipation from her meds, was taking stuff that barely helped. I started cooking for her after f.i.l. passed away, and I cook with ONIONS. We had to stop her from taking her poop pills cause it was causing diarrhea. She hasn't had to take a pill for over 4 years now. So, Juicy Juice CHERRY juice and ONIONS are 2 natural ways to fix the constipation problem
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kemahe May 2019
Thanks for your reply side-saddle. The NH is currently trying to introduce prune juice (as opposed to pear juice) and reduce his meds. Hopefully that will work. I don’t really know if he’s talking about it less or I am becoming more accepting. We have a small conversation each day about it, so he knows o care, then I move (no pun intended) onto other topic. Thanks again
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Obsession about bowel movements is often a part of regression, which is common among the elderly. It would be good to rule out physical etiology though. They could measure his output, check for signs of distention by palpating, etc. If it is a genuine problem which is not uncommon then a gastroenterology consult is needed. Well, that should be done in any case to determine the extent of the issue, which probably does have some truth to it. Then let the gastroenterologist make suggestions for remediation.
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My mom is in an assisted living facility and she seems to have this same obsession. I think she always has to some degree. She has recently begun to experience some bowel incontinence due to diarrhea, yet if she misses one day of having a bowel movement she says she is constipated and she needs to make things start moving and then she takes the miralax and the cycle gets repeated. Anyone else?
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Bella7 Jun 2019
My dads the same way!
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I will tell you this. From friends dealing with elder parent issues and here on this forum. Some elders just become obsessed with a bowel movement. More important than an orgasm. What to do, I don't know. But I feel for you, if any help or solace.

And here's the thing, I wrote colace and had to fix.
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I never met an elderly person who isn't obsessed with this topic. It can be harrowing. This sounds over the top though. Professional intervention sounds good. I wouldn't engage in the conversation though, I'd redirect him or ignore it--he's too focused on it,
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I think quite a few older people grew up obsessing about bowel movements. I worked in London in the 70s with an American Jewish girl whose mother sent her suppositories in the post! Perhaps follow the recommendations for coping with constipation, and then divert the conversation. Perhaps you could try to tell him that obsessing about this is actually a sign of dementia (true), and he wouldn’t want people to think that, would he?
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Countrymouse Jun 2019
Lol! 😂

"With a life like mine, Doctor, who needs dreams?" - from Portnoy's Complaint, Philip Roth.
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