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Luckily hubby can still take care of his own needs.
Which brand is best is partly an individual thing, as well as a question of the type and volume of waste it has to cope with - different brands have subtly different shapes and materials, you may well find that one is more effective/more comfortable than another for your husband through trial and error. If you go online and have a browse, you may also be able to get free samples from the manufacturers. Or you could consult your local continence care nurse - your GP should be able to put you onto one.
I keep all my supplies on shelves, including sheets, diapers, wipes, gloves, creams, etc. some are in a plastic tub I carry to hubby’s hospital bed with me. Then I’m not running around looking for stuff while he’s lying there in the altogether. When I’m done, I put all the trash in a plastic grocery bag, tie it up and put it in the trash. Our disposal company won’t take biohazards and will leave the trash if it’s not bundled properly.
Mentally, I don’t dwell on it while I do it. I change the tv channel to an interesting show and get on with it.
For corner drugstore brands I found Tena superior to Depends and briefs are more absorbent than pull ups. Beyond that there are the heavier duty brands like Attends, Prevail, Tranquility and Abena, as well as booster pads to up the absorbency of any products.
When you change your patient it makes the job easier if you rip or cut the diaper down the sides rather than pull it off to avoid spreading faeces down the legs and any where else. You can use those that open down the sides with velcro. i personally find them hard to get on right but practice makes perfect and if you loved one can't walk around they stay put.
As for how you deal with messy adult diapers, I think the basics are the same as dealing with messy diapers at any age - washing, baby wipes & barrier creams. The specifics depend on your home and you and hubbies abilities.
(If you mean how do you mentally deal with it... badly, especially when there is diarrhea and **it everywhere. This is where a lot of people choose to make the transition to facility care)