Both my parents have dementia. I have read, studied, and followed everything there is but still can't get them to take a shower or change clothes.

This may depend on how far along they are, but my dad does the same thing. He imagines he showers all the time (even 3 times a day, he tries to tell me). I stopped even trying to make him shower every day, Even though some claim a daily schedule of similar activities works better for most with dementia. He would also argue with me. Since he an still write and read I started out writing him notes. In some cases even reminding him I was there to help and assist him, (not argue with him) as he knows he's forgetting (just doesn't want to admit it with showers though). I would make him write a note the night ahead for himself the next day. Then I'd take his dirty clothes away the night before. I use a baby monitor (or camera even) in his room, so when I hear him get up, I catch him before he tries to find other clothes. I remind him it's your shower day, remember? I show him the note and/or calendar showing his last shower and the days in between X-ed out. I figure if I can manage 2 to 3 a week, it's better than none. Plus I tell him afterwards we'll get our breakfast out or I'll make him something. Sometimes he still gets upset he can't find his clothes, but it's nothing like it was in the beginning.

I agree with Sunnygirl. Get some help in. If they’re on Medicare, they should be able to get a bath aide a few times a week-a male for Dad and a female for Mom. Because these sides wear uniform scrubs, they may have an easier time getting cooperation. Good hygiene is very important. Poor hygiene can lead to rashes and infections.

Call your local area Agency on Aging to see what programs they would qualify for. You can also call your local Medicare office. Every state has a program that heps Seniors stay in their homes.

Will they change clothes if something spills on them? I used to spill ice tea across the pant legs on my vascular dementia bath resistant Dad. We had to change clothes and take a bath because ice tea is so sweet its the only way to get the sugar off...

It sounds like you have really been busy caring for your parents. I would suggest that caring for two seniors with dementia is a huge undertaking. I don't think there are any exact answers. Sometimes, you just try various techniques and see what works for that particular day.

When my LO was in a regular AL, they struggled with her resisting care, like baths, but, when she went to the MC, she didn't. For some reason, they just had the confidence and technique to manage it. Plus, I noticed they played music in the shower room. I could hear the staff singing in there. Maybe, it relaxed the residents. ??

You say you've read a lot about the condition and how to address the behavior. So, I take it that you have watched the Teepa Snow videos on You Tube about dementia care and behavior. IMO, that' helpful.

I'd likely discuss things with their doctor. I'd explore treatment, such as medication, if it's deemed advisable, due to anxiety, depression or agitation.

I would likely explore options for help. Have you consulted with an Elder Law attorney about your parent's situation? I would check out what services they may be entitled to both in-home or in a facility. If the funds are not available, how could they become available? More help would likely be needed as they progress and are not mobile.

I'd also keep in mind that eventually, the resistance to care may decrease, but, it may be met with more challenging situations like lack of mobility, wheelchair, or bedridden.

Before making big decisions, though, I'd get some respite time, so you can rest and recharge your batteries. I hope you can find some answers. I hope you'll get more suggestions here too.