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PT1198 Asked April 2021
Both parents are living in an assisted living facility. Mom has dementia that seems to be getting worse, Dad is in denial. Any suggestions?
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Dad has become hateful and bitter about most decisions that have to be made for their care. He has multiple dr appointments to take care of his health problems. He is wheelchair bound.. some weeks its dr appointments everyday. Because of covid I have to do any errands for them. When Dad has issues with mom he calls me to talk to her to calm her down.
Those phone calls are 5 or 6 times at night. And I am no help to her over the phone.
I am tired of all the issues with dementia, and dad getting angry with me for calling in a nurse to give mom some medicine or having a sitter come in to sit with mom so he can go to bed.
Any suggestions would be welcome.
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3 Answers
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MJ1929 Apr 2021
Your solution is that Mom needs to be in memory care, and Dad stays in AL. Does their facility have both levels of care?
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Geaton777 Apr 2021
The beginning of being able to practically help them is to have durable PoA for him and/or your mom. Do you have this? Does anyone? If not, "someone" will be forced to pursue guardianship in order to legally make decisions on their behalf. This will either be someone in your family (and it is expensive) or it will be the county. There are no other options. So, can you tell us if you or anyone has PoA for them? This will determine the responses you get to your question. Thanks
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OkieGranny Apr 2021
Sounds like your dad may be taking out his anger and frustrations on you, or he just feels helpless and doesn't know what to do. I would definitely talk to the staff at the AL and see what they suggest. You can only do so much, and you certainly cannot make either of them "get better". At some point, you will have to tell your dad that you are very sorry about his and your mom's situation, but you cannot do everything nor can you solve his issues. If he continues to bother you at night, you may just have to turn off your phone. If he continues to get angry with you, then limit your contact with him if possible. Nobody has to take abuse.
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