Borderline hospice candidate and moving stage 6 parent to another facility. Have you dealt with this?

I litterally got back from visiting a friend whose FIL has prostrate cancer. Mam and daughter were thinking about moving to a AL house in a couple months. They will wait until they finish with ALL treatments. too much stress on everyone.

trying to be positive.... Well, my family is looking down at me, laughing, probably saying: OH NO, her she goes again!!!

Ok, Breathe. Take a walk up and down the street. If you have time, take a walk at the park with a dog. any dog. Just grap one - kidding.
yup = that doesn't work very well. Most people scream at you when they see you borrowing your puppy

Sego, I can remember quite literally tearing at my hair in my mom's NH room. She had fallen, she was in pain, she was dying by inches and no amount of traditional (non opiod) meds helped. I behaved very badly. I yelled at a lot of people. I shouted and swore on here too.

You are among veterans of this battle. We understand and we love you.

Ok I have apologized to ahmijoy publicly and privately. I was an @sshole. And I owned it. I am embarrassed by it. But lemme tell you, you can be too. Not rationalizing my horrid behavior, but saying you get to point where you are so angry at this disease you get kinda nuts. I have had several messages from people who know.

Ahmijoy

You are kinder than I probably deserve. And I thank you for your largesse.

Ahmijoy, I owe you an apology. I am sorry i went off in you personally. I am dealing with some awful sh*t right now. That will have to be enough.

Do not transport unless you and agency agree they can take care of loved one from your home, if you are willing....

My friend did this for her ex husband. He died in the house they used to share. Hopsice was there for the whole thing.

ask doctor for evaluation and they can do another evaluation in 30-60 days after they enroll them in hospice. evaluations are always done. They usually find something to justify this. and if not, theyu can dop them to palliative care so doc or nurse sees them every other week... and evaluations are done with palliative care too.. So, you may have to pick up meds, but the office visit comes to you, so you do not have to try to transport patient.

If you need to transport patient, Yellow TAxi, sometimes has a wheel chair access van to patient doens't have to get out of wheel chair.

I guess my hospice ordeal is that the insurance and medical plan she has determines, well doctor determines if she hospice material...

1,000 cuts... end of life was excruciating. This hospice didn't allow or have injectibles, or perhaps that is what I requested on DNR SHEET... Double check that DNR..

I ended up crushing morphine pills, nurse forgot to tell me or I was just numb to the fact that I needed to add a bit of water and ATIVAN to the mix. Smear it on the inside of mouth.. NOt fun at all...

Well, It isn't fun, we didn't sign up for this, but we love them and we must do this very depressing thing in watching your loved one go.... YOU ARE DEFINITELY NOT ALONE... You are allowed to feel this way.

And when the final moment your loved one is liberated from this ailing body, you too will feel a sense of relief. It's a sad relief, but you know they are not suffering anymore, they love you and they know it was reciprocated.

My family has given me signs from the other side. Pretty awesome, you will know when you ask them for a sign. It comes pretty quickly... You know you don't have to say it out loud, ask quietly from within works too.

Segoline, it's hard to tell from your post what is going on. I take it that the DON or someone at mom's facility says she doesn't yet qualify for hospice services?

As far as I know, the only qualification for hospice is that the patient must have a life limiting ill mess that without treatment will lead to death in 6 months or less.

Have you asked about palliative care services?

There came a point where it became clear that there was nothing that could be done that would "fix" what was going on with my mom; she had too many co- morbidities. Dragging her out of her NH to doctors or God forbid having her hospitalized was making matters worse. My brother would not consider Hospice so we compromised with Palliative care. It doesn't get you the extra services that hospice does, but it's treatment only for symptoms, not for cure.

So, no transporting to the hospital except if explicitly authorized by us. If pneumonia, they would treat conservatively " in house". It worked until we had to transition to hospice, after a fall.

Hospice, is not a " solution". It won't mean that mom's suffering is instantly over. I understand how unbearably hard this is to watch, Sego. I think we all want things to be " over" for our loved ones, but we don't get to choose that.

Is there a social worker at the facility who is helping to facilitate your mom's care? Sometimes talking to the SW can be helpful in getting perspective.

I'm sorry that you're so stressed. Please understand that we are all trying to help, not judge you.

Yes; moving a parent with stage 6 Alzheimers is very stressful. Being a caregiver for almost 10 years and majoring in Gerontology in college as well. I would suggest that you find a hospice agency that is affordable for you and accepts your mother’s insurance. Because this will take some the stress off of you; not a lot of individuals know that hospice will cover medications, she will also have access to 24/7 nursing care no matter whether you keep her home or place her in a facility, all medical equipment & supplies are also covered and provided by hospice as well.

Also when it comes to moving Alzheimer’s patients into a memory care units it is imperative to do your research on the company & their memory care unit as well. Also please visit the facility before placing her there because you want to make sure she’s getting the best care possible. One last thing you may want to slowly transition her into a new facility, instead of just bring her & dropping her off. Inquiry about day programs to get her used to the facility, to see how well she adapts to the new environment as well.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, my dear! “Personally come after” you? What?? How does my answer even remotely indicate that I am personally coming after you? As in threatening you?

I live on the same “effing planet” you do. I have read your most recent posts, and quite frankly, they are worrisome. You give little detail about what’s going on. If in some far off, furious stretch of your imagination, you assumed I was telling you that you need to seek professional help because you sound crazy, you couldn’t be more wrong. How do you know I was referring to a psychiatrist? I suggested a social worker. They offer professional help too, don’t they?

I have never, in all my years on this board, been accused of mounting a personal attack on anyone who posts. Quite the opposite. I have received many kind messages of thanks and appreciation for my advice and I have great satisfaction in knowing that I have helped people.

You are waaaay off base here, Segoline. You have completely and thoroughly misunderstood my intentions and post. Your fury is totally without grounds. I promise you that I will never again respond to any other post you write. Good day and good luck to YOU.

Worried in Cali. We see things differently then, and that's ok. Let's just leave it there. And that's ok too.

Why are they moving her?

Furthermore I don't recall you being professionally licensed in psychiatry or psychology to,make any assessment. I am not that far depressed that I won't fight back for ME. MY SISTER OR MY MOTHER.

Dont you ever personally come after me again. We all do the best we can. We do it under varied circumstances.

The more I think about this the madder I get. MANY OF US. Would love to have the extra time and resources to see a professional about the soul crushing effects of this. But we can't. We have had to take off work numerous times to go to court, to meet police, to remove a parent from their house, to put them in a geriatric psych unit to be observed, tested, for more than an effing hour by a doctor. We have had to admit our parents to a facility. Against their will. We have had to deal with the fallout if that. We have have had to make medication arrangements which are scary. But enhance QOL for time remaining.
I don't know what effing planet you live on. Most of don't inhabit it.

Good day to you.

I think you mean well but this came across poorly. That's all I am saying. And it is with great restraint.

Segoline, what are you sorry for? This is the second time in a few months that you've posted out of what sounds like severe depression and desperation. Is there any communication between you and who’s doing this? Is there any way you can speak with a social worker at the facility?

We’re here to listen, but you need to be proactive and get some help before you crash and burn. If your family is not supporting each other or you, consider professional help.