Follow
Share
Read More
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
1 2 3 4 5
I agree that your mom may have more cognitive issues than you're aware of or accepting at this point. Many people who are losing cognitive function are masters at trying to hide it, until their world starts to crumble a bit too much. Then they get defensive and accuse the other person (you) of not being clear or making too much of a situation. It's like when people who are losing their hearing accuse others of mumbling. Because they can't accept they're hard-of-hearing. It's a common human response.

You need to be fully informative with your mom's doctor about all of her ongoing dramas and imaginings. The doctor needs as much information as possible to make a good diagnosis and set a good course of treatment.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Letting the psychologist or the doctor know is a good idea. They can at least monitor it. I've told my mother's doctor about many of the issues we're facing so she at least knows. At first the doctor didn't do much -- and could do a whole lot more -- but she's at least starting to realize there are problems. It's a start.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

RW I agree that you should tell the psychologist ahead of time everything you have told us. You can briefly mention the conditions of growing up and how you lived in your car for a while but be sure and tell her how she has driven previous boyfriends off and what she is currently doing now to your present one. she is a grown woman and knows full well what is likely to be going on when a couple retreats to their bedroom and says they will be out in two hours. now the woman may be annoyed at the interruptions but the man will take it far more personally and be really pissed off and see it as a relationship ending circumatance. it really is not a question to her whether you are asleep or not it is a question of what else you may be doing in bed AND what if you get pregnant who will be first in your life then.
Send the letter to the psychologist as far ahead as you can. Let Mom see him/her by herself. Then make a seperate appointment to see them alone and don't tell Mom. You may only need to see that psychologist once and continue seeing your own. Don't make excuses for Mom or sugar coat the truth. Maybe have your BF go away for a few days and see if Mom stops interrupting your sleep.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Oh, Realtime; I think that THAT'S a great idea. It would certainly give the psychologist some perspective on what's going on, and for how long.

And RW, your mother took care of you when you were a small child, and malleable, and growing up to be independent. You are taking care of you mom as a "not getting any younger" adult with medical issues and your mom is not going to progress, she's going to go downhill. Getting her good, appropriate care is the way you honor her sacrifices for you when you were small, not by killing yourself by caring for her at home. Have you read the statistic that 30% of all caregivers die before their charges do? It has certainly happened in my family and the families of others on this message board.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Good Lord, RW, of course it's ethical! You'll be providing the psychologist with important information on your mother's behalf. In fact, I think that NOT giving him/her all the information is doing your mother a disservice. While you're at it, for heaven's sake, tell the psychologist about the other delusions---you had to move because she claimed she smelled odors no one else could smell; she has accused three different people of putting their tongue in her ear. It's about time someone addressed her deep, deep problems rather than, essentially, trying to find logical reasons for symptoms (delusions) that aren't logical in nature. Why on earth would you withhold information about the seriousness of her problems from her psychologist, when by revealing it, you give your mother a better chance of getting useful treatment and relief from what much be overwhelming anxiety? ReallyWorried, talking to or writing the psychologist is not only ethical, it's your responsibility! (Here's a thought --- what do other readers think about this --- suggest to the psychologist that s/he read this thread.)
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

If your mom is imagining things like this or getting confused and her imagination taking it to the next level, there's not much you can do. My mom has given us things and then accuses us of stealing. Even if we return the items the bad feelings stay. Side by your boyfriend but keep it cool around your mom. Best thing a therapist ever said to me was to "be beige" (i.e., neutral), though it's hard to do. But realize it isn't your mother exactly who's doing this but something else -- in one book I saw someone refer to Alzheimer's/dementia as "Al," which I thought was a good idea. "Al" is causing trouble again. It doesn't fix things, but maybe it helps put it in perspective a bit? Other than that, I feel for you. I'm going through troubles with my mom myself, and it hurts to deal with a loved one accusing another loved one of wrongdoing, especially when you know it's not true. All that bad blood, crazy talk and bad feelings are painful.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Call the psychologist and say your piece. Or write it in a letter and fax it to her office. What does YOUR therapist say about your attempts to set boundaries?

It sounds to me as though your mom has significant memory deficits and maybe some hallucinations? with regard to drafts, etc. It's an interesting question whether blind people, since they don't have visual skills, have, instead of visual halluicnations, ones that involve other senses. Hope you are talking to her doctor about all this. I seem to recall that you are your mom's health care proxy, so you should be providing reality based information to ALL of her health care professionals. Dementia patients cannot be reasoned with. Lack of sleep--no one can function without sleep. She needs to be on a properly prescribed sleep medication. And maybe you should shut off your phone all together and tell Mom, the way we tell small children, you need stay quiet and in your own bed until morning.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I have an ethical question....I am taking my mom to the psychologist on Thursday about the ativan. But would it be okay for me to call her before hand and say that I don't know if this is part of the meds or not.....but my mom calls me in the night whenever she wants to to feel drafts.......she has no consideration that I am sleeping...I go up the first few times and tell her no I do not feel them, that the ac is not and will not be on, and that I have put foam all over her ac vent.....and then I shut off my phone..but hear it buzzing as she keeps calling....then she comes down and yells at me to look again.....I have explained that she will make me sick...she says she is sick and she took care of me as a child.

I am trying to set boundaries but I seem to be failing..

I am exhausted this morning and need to work.

And both this friday and sat --when she knew and was told and told that my boyfriend and I were watching a movie in our room and I would be back in two hours...she called at 11:30 pm...too early...to wonder where I was ...

and then she acts all upset like I was not clear with her when I am angry for being disturbed again.

Anybody else have trouble setting boundaries and dealing with the guilt trip?

And can I tell the psychologist?

thanks!!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

CM my husband used one for some time quite a few years ago and seemed to think it was of some help but lost interest.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

RW, what is the problem that Mom has with sleeping, and why is it worse in the Winter?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

RW, I'm thinking about getting a daylight lamp for my mother before the clocks go back - is this something you'd consider? I've never tried them myself, I'd be interested to hear from anyone who has.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

.5 milligrams..very small amount...she has just never taken them for this length of time...so doc said to wean off with help of psychologist so comes winter the pill will be effective when she needs it...

thanks so much!!!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

RW Were the Lorazepams 0.5 mg or 5 mg? If it is 0.5 taking two of that dose is not an issue or even 3 but the 5mg would be drifinitely way over the limit.
Good luck with the Dr today.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Glad to hear this! Good luck!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Hi Thank you!!

mom realized that she was nervous about stepping down off the two .5 lorazepams at night ---so I said what about talking to a psychologist to help you through it...she agreed and we have an appointment next week!

the doctor recommended the psychologist so I figured it was a start.

This way we can at least move in the right direction..

thank you!!!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I agree with Veronica; didn't you mention previously that she was also taking Hydrocodone cough syrup for some sort of related problem? "working through" her anxiety may not be possible at her age. Her anxiety may be related to mild cognitive declince; this seems to be something that happens to many folks in their 80's. Part of their reasoning ability no longer works (the best example I can give you is from my mom; she could tell you, I take drugs x, y and z at 8 AM; I take drugs x, y and a at noon. I take drugs z,b and c at bedtime. But she couldn't tell you how many times a day she took each drug). And this lack of being able to reason things out seems to cause great anxiety. Every blown out light bulb, every report of a possible storm, every car crash anywhere in NYC (where I live), was something that sent her into a tizzy. Having in home care didn't help it. What helped was a geriatric psychiatrist who got her on an antidepressant and a lower dose of anti-anxiety drugs, an independent living environment with housekeeping, socialization, and actitivities that kept her occupied, and a geriatrics doctor who she could see every two weeks by walking across the street, and whose CELL PHONE number she had if she had a "crisis" and who didn't mind if she called 2 or three times a week.

The geriatric psychiatrist was the key also in getting her a neuropsych evaluation that clarified for us the fact that she had mild cognitive impairment, which gave us a greater understanding of what was happening.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

RW there is a daily limit for Ativan which from memory I think is 12 mgm so she definitely needs to be taking less. Whether she should come off it completely only time will tell. Personally I think the Dr only did half the job unless something else happened which you have not shared. I feel she should see a psychiatrst who is experienced with the elderly and evaluate the medications she should be taking. Not sure if she is likely to agree to this but it's worth a try.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Did s/he prescribe anything for her sleep issue?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Hi! doctor said she should step down off the ativan over the next few weeks so that she can be off it for a few months before she really needs it again. In the winter she suffers so much that he feels she must take something....but she needs to get off it for a while like she used to. She is really worried about stepping down since she felt so sick that one day...but I told her that over 3 weeks it will be fine...she wanted to know if she needed a rehab specialist but the doc did not think so ,,,so I suggested her having psychologist to go work through the anxiety issues she is facing...........if anyone has been through this ...any thoughts appreciated.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Great news, RW. Let us know how this works out!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

thank you so much! taking mom to doc tomorrow....she now understands there is an issue......I give her all her pills but the ativan she took around 2 am so I was not up...and she always took it properly 2 prescribed pills...she typically only took in winters when she was really having problems ..........but she has been having issues all the way into summer...so she continued so she could sleep and the doc was okay with it...but..when she had another issue she was taking 3 a night..and once 5------------i did not realize til 2 weeks that the bottle had gone down..as this was never an issue in 3 years..................so she want a night without any.........and that was rough....she was in a dream state but awake.......and the next day very agitated and asked me 40 times how much she urinated......................she now realizes that these days of asking me questions over and over about drafts and urinating til I drop may be related to the pills....she went back on two until the new doctor tomorrow can help her...........this is the first time she has ever dealt with this...she does need something to sleep when she suffers esp in winter...so not sure what doc will do..................but things are making more sense now....thank you for your help!!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This is part of the information about Ativan on website Medicine, not a particularly "out there" website:

Also, the elderly may not experience relief of anxiety with lorazepam. It may have the opposite effect on the elderly, causing symptoms including mental/mood changes, sleeping problems, increase in sexual interest, or hallucinations. Loss of coordination, drowsiness, and sleeping problems may increase the risk of falling.

Something to think about.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

RW and everyone else; I meant Ativan NOT Taliban. Autocorrect is gonna be my downfall! Yes, as Veronica says, UTI?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

The usual question is there any chance she has a UTI? Ativan can affect many people differently and can have a build up effect in the elderly She should not be handling her own pills anyway because she is blind and can't read the labels.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

thank you..her gp said ativan was fine....and her new internist did not have an issue with 2 pills of .5 mg a night..but I see she took more recently and set up a new system...so she can't take more
last night she took none..and has been really odd today...if she asks me how many times she peed I will croak..lol....

gonna try to tape her so she hears herself..

most of time she is sharp and will not go to any doc without knowing details.....am talking her to her internist this week and she realized she was accidentally taking to much ativan recently....

I just have to be patient....

hugs
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Taliban is not a great drug for elders. Who prescribed that? It would be ideal if she were to be seen by a geriatric psychiatrist who can evaluate her for depression, etc. Ativan could be causing many of the very issues you are concerned about.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I hope so too...I think there is more to it now.....am looking into the tranquilizer she has been taking...ativan......

and trying really hard not to lose mind when she asks me endlessly when did she pea....lol...

ahhhh
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

RW I think we have all already told you many times that she will do anything she can to disrupt your life with your boyfriend. She will "worry" about anything she can think up. She called you at 6 am this morning and sucessfully got your attention. Don't be surprised if it becomes earlier and earlier and then several times a night. I am sorry to be so negative but this is the way i personally see things. hopefully I am wrong.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

good to hear others had same problem..lol...she gets cold from drafts...sweats and then make the place hot...they think it has to do with the steroids she takes occasionally for asthma that throws her system off...but have tried all the suggestions...and use them all..and more..but the only thing that works is to keep the ac in one room and use the house ac when she says so..

she is also really obsessed with how often she urinates...asking me 15 times a day.....she has had problem and takes medication but no problems recently..but it is hard to calm her down on this.....she called me at 6 am to talk about it....when she knew I was sleeping................so for a half hour I reassured her.....but this morning she did not remember......then later she did and thought she may have been half asleep......she did not use any tranquilizers.............but she acts suspicious of me like I am making it up ...............have to tape her next time on my phone........she also is going around saying how close God and my dad are to her etc......but in a way that is kind of weird...not just casual.....ahhhhhhhhhhhh....lol....boy this is a really long marathon....hugs!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I agree, realtime. My mom, when she was in IL, kept the thermostat at 87! Despite the doc telling her that it wasn't good for her bp issues. Now in NH, which is kept cool to cut down on germs, she wears an undershirt under her blouses and a sweater on top to keep warm. Much better for her. One of my sad childhood memories is of the tension in our household over the AC in living room. My poor dad would come home from a hard day's work to a hot house because my grandma (mom's mom) "needed" it that way. It wasn't fair to Dad, nor to us.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

1 2 3 4 5
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter