What is the best way to take a driver's license away from my husband who has Alzheimer?

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I realize my husband needs to quit driving, although he hasn't gotten lost..yet..
But the real danger is in having an accident and being sued for everything we are worth, in case the accident involves a death or someone is critically injured. I took him to his neurologist yesterday and she is having St. David's hospital, located in Austin, call me for an appointment for him. There, he will be given a driving test which will surely indicate he should quit. His license will be taken away from him at that time.
I can already feel the anger he will display. He will be violent. He will display a reaction which will not be pretty. I am dreading the call for the appointment but it must be done. It will be so hard for nor only me, but our family. Each day will be dreadful, for he is used to climbing into his pickup any time he needs something, although he forgets what he needs and becomes so frustrated. His temper will be great.
I will also have to remove the pickup, or disable it, which might be the worse thing, as he might try to work on it, or get help.
I have thought of taking it elsewhere and saying it is in the shop, for he'll forget he has no license.
Has anyone solved this somehow? My husband uses his truck for many jobs he has tinkered with. His pickup is quite useful. I know he won't allow me to take him around for his needs. It is going to be bad, and he'll become paranoid. marymember

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My Aunt is 83 with moderate Alzheimer's, she lives with us. The hospital told us she couldn't drive anymore, so when she came to live with us I told her it was up to her doctor when she could drive again. He of course said no, but I had to ask him to notify the DMV and they sent a letter telling her that her license was revoked. I made a copy of the letter to give her and she ripped it up. Its been tough, she still says she wants to drive and chooses not to remember that she doesn't have a license. She wont turn in the one on her wallet. We always hide the keys from her. She had a spare key in her walker that she would not give up. So one day she left her purse in the car and we took the key to the store and had them grind extra notches in it. Then I put it back. She still thinks she has a key, and we know it doesn't work. Sometimes you have to get creative.
It feels wrong sometimes, but we have found ways to say things and blame the dr, dmv, etc etc so she is mad at them and not us. Our goal is to keep her safe. And sometimes that means she is NOT happy. Hang in there, it is hard.
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All of your answers were good. Right now my husband has actually lost his truck key. We are oing to have a mechanic who works at our dealership tell our daughter how to disable the truck. I think the idea of selling both automobiles and buying myself a new car is the best suggestion of all. Thanks to all of you. I can't say "keep on trucking" because the truck won't be here. (ha). I haven't answered earlier because my computer is acting up. I am using another one that I have to get used to....Thanks to ALL'
!!!!
marymember
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the best way is under the hood of the car --discnect some wires.
My sister had her licence taken away ,but she drove anyways.So
if the car can't start -- it will stay right in the driveway.
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Most ate sound things to do but if he becomes a physical danger to you do the right thing have him put where he can't hurt you or himself that won't I hope happen at all under proper care
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My husband and I are elderly and I knew that I would have the same problem and dreaded it like crazy. He also had a pickup that he loved. I told him one day that we are both not young anymore and if anything happened to him I didn't know what I would do, so I needed to start driving and needed him to remind me of the lights, etc. And I would teach him to use the washer, dryer, etc.(that never happened. But the Lord sent our son at just the right time, after he needed his Dad's truck. My husband never minds letting anybody borrow anything, just won't give anything away. He forgot about the truck and I took the car keys and hid them. What I was dreading so terribly never happened!!
I hope this might help some.
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Veronica, interesting comment and it reminded me that one time, before Dad got bad, he (a retired mathematician!) had sat and computed the total cost over a year of owning their two vehicles, and tried to get Mom to agree to sell them because it was actually going to be less expensive to take a taxi or the bus or one of the elderly ride services in their town. When you figure out the insurance, gas, registration and average out the maintenance costs...it IS a lot of money over a year! Mom refused and they never did it. But I've since learned that there are lots of services through the local council on aging that I had no idea existed until my Mom started needing more help.
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Veronica, same here, I am trying to plan ahead for myself. Every day that retirement community keeps looking better and better for myself :)

I can't wait for the car that can drive itself... that would save all of us a lot of big time worry and holding our breathe waiting for something bad to happen.

In fact I am ready for such a vehicle because I find driving my parents anywhere is a major panic attack waiting to happen. Dad doesn't understand that... his comment to me is usually "but who is going to drive us?" Gee, Dad, I don't know, in fact who is going to drive ME since I have no children?
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If it is any consolation to anyone hubby and I have had many conversations about how we will manage when we can no longer drive. We had thought of moving into town but if we could not dive we certainly could not walk to the store etc. So it will be dial a bus, taxis and friends when the time comes. We already do a lot of mail order because we can't face the malls anymore. I don't like driving in traffic especially somewhere new but hubby absolutely panics with out his GPS. We are both in our mid 70s so I don't think there will be any force involved when our time comes
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It has been my experience that little white lies are sometimes a good alternative. When you take him to get tested, remove the truck while you are gone. When he asks, tell him he told you to get rid of it when he didn't pass the test because he didn't want to chance hurting anyone...that's the kind of man he is and praise him for the decision. This seems juvenile but it does work. Especially when he gets mad, you can tell him it was his choice. This is such a difficult time for many of us and, along with lovingly doing what's best for our aging and ill loved ones, it is imperative to keep those around us save and ourselves sane and safe. And get therapy to get rid of guilt and help grieve the loss you are facing every single day.
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My Dad voluntarily announced he was no longer driving after his last little fender bender. He also had gone into insurance company and taken out a $1 million liability policy when his dementia was first diagnosed, to protect other people....so he was responsible. He is in mem. care too....and still tells stories about driving....and traveling somewhere to go to work or earn money. My Mom, on the other hand, is like the problem being discussed here. No WAY is she giving up driving or anything else. We are in that timeframe of making that decision. I've mentioned it to the doctor, and right now, we have caregivers 6 hrs a day, and they drive her. Doc has told her she should not be driving and should let the caregivers drive, but she sneaks out on her own after they leave. She really has limited herself to about a 5 mile limit of home, and to places she goes to all the time...the bank, the grocery and to visit my Dad, basically. BUT, even with that $1M liability policy in place....it's time for her to stop! We do have an attorney who always promises to 'be the bad guy' when she refuses to listen, so we may be going there. First, we're working on an AL placement or moving her and Dad together with family. That would solve the driving issue. She only has about 5 months of money left, to stay at home anyhow. I do know, with my Dad...because of the memory loss, many things, like hiding the keys....or his guns....were dealt with by simply saying he must have lost them or misplaced the item. And soon, he forgot he was even looking for anything. So one suggestion is to have them 'get lost'. Or, others have had luck with ' we took the truck in for repair and it's not done yet'. They cannot track time, so don't remember how long it's been 'in the shop'. Of course, that's only once they've progressed to a certain point of really losing memory. On other things my parents don't or didn't want to do, I had good luck saying 'We're going to do .....whatever.....for 30 days, and if you still don't like it, we'll change it back." By the time 30 days are up, they've forgotten it hasn't always been that way. Arguing, or letting things get to violence is not the answer. In this case, I would just say the agency took away the license...not your fault and nothing can be done, unless he wants to go to them or a lawyer and complain. If he does that, everyone will see that he has the problem and they will still tell him NO.
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