What is the best way to tell Mom that I have to put her in a nursing home?


I need to tell my 95 year old mom who has lived with me for the past 4 years . She is terrified of leaving here and going there. I live in Canada and any help from anyone who has had to have this discussion with a loved one would be very helpful. I am a bundle of nerves just thinking of having to do this to someone I love so dearly. As much as I love her, I am just so burnt out and tired that I need to do this for myself, which of course, makes me feel so very selfish. Please help.

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Denilan, if you can't have her doctor have the discussion with her, here are some ideas. But you also need to let her see the places you are thinking about, because the unknown is a scary place.

"Mom, we're going to take some tours of senior facilities. You know that my health is not good and my doctor is concerned about how doing this 24/7 caregiving is affecting my health.

Your doctor is telling me that you need more professional care than I can give you. As much as I'd love to be able to care for you at-home, what you need right now is more than I can do. So we're going to look at some places together and we'll figure out what the beat place is. I'll always be your advocate and cheerleader, and I'll be there to visit you often"
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Need to follow this and post later.
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Denelin I also live in Canada. After several visits to the E.R. and a failed attempt at home care we finally called a caseworker in. She said if you go to her doctor and he states that she is "Failing to thrive" then the process should be easier. Of course my Mom lived alone and finally admitted she could not take proper care of herself anymore.

She is in a really good nursing home. They take good care of her. It was hard at first but it does get easier. Good Luck!
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Does she ever have to go to the hospital or ER? It is easier if they are already "somewhere." It is the same in the US. My mother lived alone and fell. She went to the hospital and then, rehab and then the nursing home. Her adult grandson was power of attorney and he did all the paper work. But, the local nursing home has saved her life. It doesn't have to be all bad.
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Would it be possible for her doctor to tell her?
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