I took care of both my parents for 5yrs. I lost them both within a year of each other, with dad being gone less than a year. I moved across the country and ended up eventually having to give up my job to do this.

I am not bragging here but I was left a decent enough inheritance that I don't need to work as long as I am not foolish in the near future. I recently relocated back to where I was living before.

What I am find annoying is there are a couple of people (one in particular) who seems overly concerned about me not working. Every couple of weeks this friend(who lives in another state) will ask "how is the job search going?". Well I haven't even really started looking, and I am getting resentful of this question coming up.

I don't know if it is jealousy, or they're trying to find out what I was left, or it is concern.

I guess what ticks me off is was WORKING, I took care of both my parents for 5yrs, my father was 24/7 the last several months of his life. What do these people think I was doing? Sitting around eating candy and watching TV?

Anyway, if anyone has any thoughts or a response that will nip this in the bud I would appreciate it. I wouldn't keep asking someone "so have you found a job yet?" when the person hasn't indicated to you that they're looking.

And if someone is jealous of someone who put their life on hold for 5 yrs and now is dealing with both grief and trying to figure out what is next, but is also in a financial position where they don't have to just take a job, well I would be happy for that person, not resentful or badger them with questions.


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Why does it have to be a smart reply?

Why not the direct approach?

"Well, thanks for asking. But that's a sensitive subject with me, and I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't ask me that again. I don't want to discuss it."

After all, it IS a sensitive subject with you, you DON'T want people to ask you that again, and you DON'T want to discuss it. Seems to me that's the best answer: the truth.
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I will read this entire thread later. But, my siblings, while I have been providing care for my Mom for three years, continue so when are you going to look for work?! They are delusional!
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Irishboy stuff the begrudgers! they are probably jealous and yes trying to find out how much you got? I know alot of people dont see looking after your parents as we see it unless theyve been there ignore them! I too have been looking after mum for five years now and when mum goes im going to need at least a year to get back to being me? I dont even know who i am anymore? It takes time to get back to some kind of normal and as you say grieving also! Take all the time you need to get through all this and forget about what people think who cares? you and only you aswell as people on here know what youve been through and understand i dont even tell people how hard it is as they dont understand? But i have a few good friends who know the crap ive had and would completely understand if i needed timeout for me! I know what people are like when i divorced my so called friends just wanted to know how much i got like it was easy to walk out on a marriage? I told them enough to retire HA!! that shut them up! True friends will understand! I know it is very annoying when these people think you should be out working now? like i said no idea of 24/7 care by five years? would any of them have worked that hard! Im glad you were left enough to take time out for you we deserve it i wouldnt wish what im going through on anyone!
Hugs and hope your finding a bit of peace now!
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It sounds like you have some insensitive "friends." If they are good enough friends that you want to keep them in spite of this flaw (no one is perfect) why not just level with them. "I'm taking some time to put my life back together. I'm not planning on getting another job for a while. I'm not looking."

If they are not good enough friends to share this with, maybe the best approach is just to drop them. Who needs out-of-state acquaintances giving out bad vibes?
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I don't think I could match Blannie's suggestions, but here are some suggested answers.

I'm not looking right now; I've decided to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro first so I'll be in training for another year.

(substitute any high energy, high intense activity for mountain climbing... i.e., decided to enter the Tour de France, etc.)

I've decided to study at a Buddhist monastery for awhile.

I've decided to swim the English Channel first.

I'm working on a novel that I hope will be sold for movie rights and be the new blockbuster.

I've decided to go to medical school to be a geriatrician.
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Miss Manners had an excellent response for those who are plagued by insensitive questions like the one your "friend" keeps asking. It was, "Why do you ask?"
Simple, right? Said in the proper icy tone, if puts busybodies in their place. If the questioner persists in saying, "I'm worried about you," or "I was just wondering," a brief, "I'm doing fine, thanks" followed by a change of topic should do the trick.
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Glad, you're right. Sometimes I feel like I'm flying a combat mission every day, especially the dogfighting aspects! Been shot down more than a few times as well.
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kazzaa, sounds like you have been throught a lot. I like your Bucket List. I may take a visit back east to see some family and old time friends. I am just getting used to actually being able to go places even if it is to Target and not be playing beat the clock because I never left my dad more than 90 minutes at the most to run errands for the last 6 months of his life.

Oh, as luck would have it someone asked today "how is the job hunting going?", oddly enough someone I do volunteer work with. So I used Debralee's wise words, I said "well for the last 5yrs I had a 24/7 job, no vacations, no time off, no help"...shut them right up!!!!! I guess that is what it is going to take.

I wasn't rude, but I had a tone in my voice....LOL. Hey, it worked, and I will use it again with the next nosy person.
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Doesn't sound like a very GOOD friend to me...

Caregiving changes us and I found that my true friends are with me now thru my Mom's journey with dementia..

Move on with so called friendship..
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Glad, how about those offensive comments:

(a) Are you dating anyone? Are you planning on getting married, dear? (Remember all those dimunitive "dear" comments from noisy old women?)

(b) Why would you be worried about going to college when you'll just be getting married?

(c) Have you started a family yet?

Although no one would ask me those questions now given that I'm approach my 7th decade, I wish at the time women had the options they had today.

I'd tell them:

"No, I'm planning to run for president first."

"No, I don't plan to even consider anything that doesn't support my career."

"No, I plan to (a) cure cancer (b) research [name any disease]"

"I'm more interested in being a combat aviator."
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