Being accused of stealing. Any advice?

Reduce everything to writing. Beg or borrow whatever you need to hire an elder attorney. I don't want anyone to have to go through what I'm going through now. I've been accused of stealing. I have 3 siblings who NEVER helped with Mom, but now that they sense the end of her life, they are gathering around . Because we had fun at casinos (they have many activities for seniors), my sibs are accusing me of spending her money inappropriately. I gave up everything to care for my mother full time. I was thrown out into the street by my brother who was appointed guardian, and he and his wife have moved from their tiny apartment to my Mom's nice 6 bedroom house. Rge judge said tge only way Mom could stay in her home was if I cared for her at no charge. I need to work and contribute to Social Security, so I couldn't continue to do everything for free. Now, lues are being spread about me all over town, and elder abuse complaints have been filed. If I hadn't been so exhausted, I would have kept copious records. Don't make the same mistake. I don't know what's going to happen down the road, but this has been the most unpleasant year of my life.

Cyndyp, I wouldn't worry too much because the cops have record of all her calls. Has she been diagnosed? I just myself learned that paranoia is a big part of dementia. My mom told her doctor and anyone she can that I stole all of her money.

Anyway, if you are able I would put up a camera system. Put one in her room if you can and though out the house. I'm about to do that because my mom hides things like her purse, the mail and her meds and accuses me of taking them. So for proofs sake I'm having cameras installed this week.

As for the original poster, if you can talk to you Nan. Calmly and ask her if that's what she really believes and explain to her that you would never do that. The burden of proof is on the state however they do have you on camera. I think I would talk to an attorney. but that's just me. I like to be a step ahead. It sucks being accused of stuff...I know from experience. Good luck to you.

This is the first time that I have written any thing on here. I am having similar problems with my mother (accusing my family and I of stealing). First of all, I am an only child and I was living out of state when my mother started calling the cops continuously claiming that an intruder was breaking into her house. She claimed they were stealing things like masking tape, saran wrap, and doing damage. Well, I ended up moving back and am living with her. At first, things seemed to get better, she stopped calling the cops; however, now things seem to be back where they were. Now, she thinks we are stealing from her. She has placed a lock on her bedroom door. She is constantly accusing of us of getting in somehow. Today, she called the cops on my son saying she broke into her room in order to take out the batteries in her blood pressure kit and to move some picture. At this point, I really don't know what to do. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

It isn't up to you to prove that you didn't; it's up to the accusers and law enforcement to find the supporting data to provide to a prosecuting attorney - the burden of proof is on them, not you.

Do you have a good recollection of what you withdrew the funds for? If it was groceries, and if you still have slips, those are refutation of your aunt's accusations.

If it was for train fare, do you still have ticket stubs?

If you know who Nan's treating physicians are/were, and which if any of them might have done a competence exam, create a list of those with your other "defense" material file. Get all the documentation you can, even though it's after the fact.

If you keep a diary, start a separate one. Just in case.

Hey thanks for the replys. My aunt is the one accusing me. And all I have is my word against hers. In all fairness I never thought I would need evidence as I had been helping my Nan for years before this. most of the money she give me went on train fair. I'm not careing for Nan anymore as my aunt wouldn't stop having ago at we when ever I went to help my Nan. Although she never bothered with my Nan until now.

Just saying you did it isn't enough. It must be proven in a court of law.

Elder abuse is a terrible thing. Stealing from seniors with dementia is the lowest of the low.

The district attorney is going to be able to cctv every time you withdrew money -- which they'll know because of the withdrawal dates on her statements. They'll look at how you are supporting yourself and how you afforded your lifestyle on what you had. They'll want to know, if this was pay for services, whether you evaded taxes by not claiming the money as income.

They'll look at gram and see how she spent the cash you withdrew at her request. They'll want to know how she got around to spend it.

Depending on how much money is involved and the results of their investigation, the DA may or may not prosecute. If you are arrested, ask for an attorney before you answer any questions.

This can be a problem when we're dealing with the finances of another person. All you can do is tell the truth and let Nan know you would never steal from her. If everything turns out well, in the future have her write a check for you to cash for her. Mark on the check what it is for so it doesn't look like you're receiving a gift. I do this with my mother's money. Even though I am a signer on her accounts, I have her sign all the checks for things that can't be done online. That way people can see that it is not me spending her money.

Nan probably has some level of dementia. Who are the people accusing you? If you're still Going to deal with Nan's finances you should keep copious records of any transactions and be prepared to justify any withdrawals and expenditures. You or someone in the family should look into POA or guardianship if nan is incompetent.