It's been a rough day, any advice?

Here's a big hug for you!! I know that it can be really hard being responsible for your moms care 24/7. Maybe the change in the weather will help if you can get her out of the house. I know that I take my mom out for lunch and call it a picnic in the car. We just go to the local fast food drive through then I go and park somewhere in a park, near a farm to watch the animals, or we go to the water. It isn't much but it gets us both a change of scenery and a hour or so out of the house.

Here is a Big Hug for you from me. I finally got a night off last week - my Mom was actually staying with my sis for the night. I was sooo excited - had the house to myself for the first time in over 2 years. At midnight my mother was calling for me. My sister went to her and she angrily asked her where I was because she "wanted to go home!" I am glad they got a little bit of what I go thru. I then got the "secret" call from my Mother the next day. That is when she sneaks off and calls me to ask when she is "coming home." So sad as my Mother used to always want to stay at her other childrens homes and go on trips. Now she just wants to stay home and stare at me all day and I hate it. You must have respite - it is so important. When it is your time do not call or answer the phone - and do not feel guilty. My demented Mums is like a 3 year old and wants my attention 24/7 - it is like I am her Mother now. When she had her right mind she was way to busy to bother with me. Oh and her Mums died in a nursing home curled up in a ball and my Mother had seen her maybe twice in 10 years - so screw the guilt - I am doing the best I can and it is a helluva lot more than she did for her own Mom.

People (even parents) take all their frustrations, anger, etc out on the one closest to them... In your case, your mom knows (maybe subliminal) that you're a vulnerable, sensitive, caring daughter and she knows/thinks she can do/act 'whatever' way she wants to around you. You have to stand your ground and put boundaries on your relationship with her. Stay away from her for a while, when she's like this... let her pout... It may even strengthen your relationship. I understand what you're going through, because I am a caregiver for my mother. I know it's all very, very hard... But, you don't want to get sick either... Let your mother reach out to others (your aunt?) when you're taking a break from her tantrums... Let me know how it goes... (((hugs))) Lynn

(((((((((big hug))))))))

Sending you a big ole HUG. I look after my mom 24/7 and she has days where she is just looking to get into it with me, however I am slowly learning to just say OK, I quit trying to explain anything. I have days there is no pleasing her, I make sure she is taken care of bathed, fed, ect. but I don't sit with her. And when I do come to sit with her and she starts her mess I just tell her she can stop or I am leaving. She either stops or I go to another room. Its hard, but I have to keep reminding myself "she can't help it". I just hope if the time ever comes I need care someone loves me enough to put up with me. Before I go Here's another "HUG"

It is very hard when the roles of a lifetime are reversed. Even though she will always be your mother, now she is in the role of "child" and you are the "parent". It's a very hard adjustment. My 92 year old mom is very sharp mentally. I know having to sell her home and move in with me has been hard for her but this has not been easy for my husband and me either. Thankfully Mom never yells at me but she has tried to guilt me which was a pattern from years ago. I have finally learned not to play the game. I do not understand why so many seem to feel that it's allowable for parents to yell and scream at them and they have to take it if there is no dementia, etc involved. My mom and I had major problems in my teen years and different times after I was grown up, but I would not allow her to be ordering me around and yelling at me in my own home. I cannot stress to you enough how important it is for you to take time EVERY day to do something just for you. Whether it's go for a short walk, sit down and read a book for a few minutes, something that makes you feel like yourself and that you enjoy doing. I know there isn't much time to yourself when you have a parent in your home, but if you have plans and a friend cancels, go see a movie or window shop, just don't go back home until the time you would have anyway. It's imperative you have time away. Do not let her get by with these tantrums if she's just doing it to be mean spirited and beat you down. You don't have to be hateful - just let her know it's not acceptable to treat you this way. Good luck and a big hug to you!!! Take a day at a time and don't look down the road too far cause then it's overwhelming.

BIG HUG, I go to the movies alone to have time away. It's very relaxing. Walk in the park too.

lori63, here is another cyber hug. You deserve it when you are having a bad day, and also when the day goes well! Caregivers deserve all the hugs we can get.

I see that you haven't filled out your profile page. If you are going to stick around awhile -- and I do hope you do -- it will be helpful for us to know a little more about your situation. What are your mother's impairments? Does she have dementia? How long have you been her caregiver? Would she qualify for Medicaid? All these details help us get to know you. Don't share more than you are comfortable with, and do remain anonymous, but more background will result in more specific responses.

Has your mom always had a temper or is this new behavior? Perhaps medication can help. It sounds like you need a serious break from care giving. Is there someone who can take her for a week? Can she stay in respite if you don't have anyone available? do you have church connections? Perhaps someone can come "visit" so you can get a few hours to yourself.

Another big {{{{{{{hug}}}}}}} from me.