It's been a rough day, any advice?

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This should probably. Be in the discussion. Section....but im just worn out. Please dont suggest. I take my mom to a daycare she wont go. I just need positive thoughts maybe a hug. I am off this weekend had pland to go see a movie with a froend. She hsd to cancel. And yes i was dreading. Having to go back home. I needed awsy time. Funny thing thingd have been a lot better
With my mom . I told her i would take her to. The library and a frw other places. I had to take something over to my aunt and uncles and she was to get ready while i was gone. O was just about to leave my aunts and my mom called she was in a rage. Told my aunt she was ready to just go back to bed. So i get. On the phone she is yelling. At. Me saying i have taken too long. She hung up on me twice. So i lost it i was crying to my aunt. I got home my mom had thrown both phones on the floor. I had to talk. Her down. I have asked. Her not to drive her car its. On its. Last leg. So she is upset due to being stuck in th. House with my dogs. Is there a service that would. Pick her up and bring her home. Does medicare. Pay for it. ....thanks so much

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Ask your aunt to pick her up. Spend time at your home by yourself with a glass of wine and your dogs.
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So glad I found this site and all the good advise. Thank You !
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hug to you my dear.
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Nobody here mentions vices. If you can do it without getting carried away, indulge yourself with bad TV and movies, flirting with the cute stock clerk at the supermarket, a drink or two, pornography if you like it, impulsively buying crap if it gives you a little thrill...You deserve it.

Giving yourself, a person who devotes so much of her life to selflessly helping someone else, indulgence in a little vice would be a mitzvah (the Jewish word for "a good or praiseworthy deed.")
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Caregiving is just hard sometimes, and some days are worse than others. I have to remind myself constantly that my mom (89) is coping with many changes herself when I am about to lose my patience, I remember that she is slowly giving up her independence and having to rely on others. I remind myself of all that she has already lost over the past 10 years, her husband, her son, her home she shared with my stepdad for many years, most of her sight to macular degeneration, her ramrod straight posture to degenerative spine disease. I remember that she is nearing the end of her life. When we are young, we don't think about that, our future and all the promise that holds is ahead of us. With someone in their late 80's, that feeling is a memory which is sad, however pleasant the memory is. Even at 64, I sometimes realize that 2/3 of my life is behind me. After a particular rough day, if time allows, I treat myself to something like an extra hot long shower, a little while with my favorite quiet CD, a candy bar, anything that brings a little normalcy. Take care of and be patient with yourself, and most definitely sending a hug and well wishes out into the universe to you.
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Consider yourself hugged. Whatever you do, don't take anything they do or say personally. They are just "venting" with a safe target. Caregiving is a high demand job, like the early years of child-rearing, only you are interacting with a person that is going backward every day instead of forward, and that has got to be depressing and scary for them (not to mention YOU). From my taking care of several elderly people and now reflecting on it, I think that the best step you can take is to use your next home break (while they are napping, maybe) to go online and locate respite care near your home...(call a senior aging agency for ideas if necessary). There are those that will give you a break for several hours, some even do it at night or for extended periods if you want to get away for awhile. More expensive ones will have varying amounts of medical training. It will be very mentally restorative. Sometimes I think we get to a place where we think we are the "best" at taking care of an elderly person or child, and are deep-down reluctant to leave them, like we are failing them in some way. But they will survive a short time with someone else, and even benefit because this person is refreshed, choosing to do this, and can endure even the tough parts because it is not permanently wearing on them. Then the caregiver gets a chance to "refresh" and reflect. We can inadvertently spoil our older loved ones as well as the younger ones...and as a result they become even more demanding. But you need to take a break, because your love is what gets them through these tough times when their minds and bodies are failing them. If they become manipulative, it is okay to let them know firmly the effect that that is having on you, and that it drives you away rather than encouraging you to help more. I have also discovered that older people hide many of their disabilities and frustrations (because we're not old, we don't know what it's like not to be able to button a shirt or see the tv screen anymore, and they don't always explain their difficulties to us...too proud or not wanting to burden us with more), so they employ work-arounds (insisting on pullover shirts, sitting bored for hours while we think they're enjoying a program). The real trick is to give yourself respite which will also give you time to contemplate how to get at some of the underlying issues in your particular circumstance that might be causing miscommunication and friction.
I hope I'm not coming across as lecturing, but my mother passed away in January and I've had a lot of time to reflect! If I only had the insights that have come to me lately that I did not understand at the time due to exhaustion!
The respite is CRITICAL!!!
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lori63, here is another cyber hug. You deserve it when you are having a bad day, and also when the day goes well! Caregivers deserve all the hugs we can get.

I see that you haven't filled out your profile page. If you are going to stick around awhile -- and I do hope you do -- it will be helpful for us to know a little more about your situation. What are your mother's impairments? Does she have dementia? How long have you been her caregiver? Would she qualify for Medicaid? All these details help us get to know you. Don't share more than you are comfortable with, and do remain anonymous, but more background will result in more specific responses.
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Well the best thing to do is get a break and make sure your having time for yourself and yes you can do it just ask someone to spend a couple nights or the day with your Mom go swimming anything but remember to eat well and take some good vitamins special a multiple B and D3 along with listening to music socializing is really important too. I know how you feel I am having a really terrible week won't get into it on your post but here is a hug!
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BIG HUG, I go to the movies alone to have time away. It's very relaxing. Walk in the park too.
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It is very hard when the roles of a lifetime are reversed. Even though she will always be your mother, now she is in the role of "child" and you are the "parent". It's a very hard adjustment. My 92 year old mom is very sharp mentally. I know having to sell her home and move in with me has been hard for her but this has not been easy for my husband and me either. Thankfully Mom never yells at me but she has tried to guilt me which was a pattern from years ago. I have finally learned not to play the game. I do not understand why so many seem to feel that it's allowable for parents to yell and scream at them and they have to take it if there is no dementia, etc involved. My mom and I had major problems in my teen years and different times after I was grown up, but I would not allow her to be ordering me around and yelling at me in my own home. I cannot stress to you enough how important it is for you to take time EVERY day to do something just for you. Whether it's go for a short walk, sit down and read a book for a few minutes, something that makes you feel like yourself and that you enjoy doing. I know there isn't much time to yourself when you have a parent in your home, but if you have plans and a friend cancels, go see a movie or window shop, just don't go back home until the time you would have anyway. It's imperative you have time away. Do not let her get by with these tantrums if she's just doing it to be mean spirited and beat you down. You don't have to be hateful - just let her know it's not acceptable to treat you this way. Good luck and a big hug to you!!! Take a day at a time and don't look down the road too far cause then it's overwhelming.
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