My FIL lives with my wife and I; how do I become a priority to her again with my FIL being her main focus?

Hi baretta68. I didn't talk much with you during the time you were trying to achieve what you have now, but I was following the thread. I congratulate you for being one of the most patient and dedicated husbands I have ever heard of. You must love your wife beyond belief! That's wonderful. I am glad everything has worked out for all three of you, thanks mostly to you. After my dad died, my mom was still independent, lived in the same house, drove, and seemed to be doing fine. I am an only child, and my advice to everyone would be the same as yours, plan ahead! What I didn't realize was that mom had a spending problem and had gone through all of my dad's life insurance and thought she could live as she always had on two reduced pensions and dad's social security. She was visiting at our house one weekend and broke her hip, and that is when my education with dealing with the system for the elderly began. Oh, how I wish she and I had discussed finances and future plans before she was in a situation where decisions had to made. By the time she passed away, I had caught up and had her funeral pre-planned and paid for. She had even picked out which dress she wanted to wear. We were fortunate to have time to talk, enjoy each other, and do the planning at our own pace. So, when she passed away, a phone call put everything in motion; and, I didn't have to make emotional and uninformed decisions. The greatest gift anyone can give to their loved ones is to spell out what they want in case they can no longer make their own decisions or pass away! After learning what I did, I went to the same funeral home, made my own arrangements, and paid for them! I hope others learn from our experiences. I think you are a great guy! I wish all women were loved by someone as much as you love your wife. Thanks for keeping us posted.

Beretta, thanks for the update, as well as the excellent progress report. It seems as though everything is falling into place. It's especially encouraging to read that you and your wife have found a way to keep your FIL involved in your life so he doesn't feel pushed aside, as elders sometimes do.

The birthday party is a great idea - it'll raise his esteem in the opinion of his fellow residents, and hopefully will make him really feel great. I've always thought that elders whose family maintain regular and supportive contact once in a different living environment adapt and cope much better than those who who experience less family support.

Your journey has been a long one, but the path is clearing for all of you.

And thank you for sharing such positive news!

We love you for coming back to give thanks!! (Not to mention the good news really brightened my day too.) Prayers for it all to continue with as much joy in life as you all can handle.

Been a while but thought I'd update y'all. My FIL has been living in a retirement home now for 10 months. My wife and I have been able to start the reconnecting process, but it was not the year I had planned on. My mom was in a major car accident and hospitalized for 6 months. So it was an adventure of running there on Saturdays and my FIL on sunday as we get him groceries and visit. now my mom is at home again, physically never the same but alive and can be mobile. the next step for us is my FIL needs to go to Long term Care, but we are all positive and working together to make this happen. As I have said before, this forum has helped me get thru the worst times. the advise out here given by all has not only helped me get thru this, but keep my marriage from tanking. So tanks, I mean THAKNS to all for your advise and caring!!!

Beretta thanks for updating us with this great news!