Follow
Share

Oh my gosh, I sure hope not. I am hoping that the next generation after our elderly parents are taking notes because retirement and slowing down seems to be coming at us at a fast clip.

At 68 years old, I know I am not quite ready for a retirement village this year even though they look very inviting. Currently I can hire people to do the yard work, do repair work, and cleaning people as I am becoming lazy because I am too tired physically and emotionally dealing with my aging parents who still live in their own 3 story single family home.

I know I want to be around people of my own generation, not stuck in a neighborhood as nice as it is with nothing in common with my neighbors.... I don't want my neighbors to feel they have to watch over me when it snows and feel they have to shovel my driveway, or bring up my newspaper, or bring up my rubbish barrel.... I don't want to depend on others to get my groceries, or take me to my doctor appointments, or take me shopping, etc.... and I don't want to feel alone if my mate should become ill and is no longer at home.

I am so glad I have been fugal all my life, started saving money when I was 5 years old and had my own saving account. I plan to find the best possible retirement community that money can buy and enjoy my life. Not be an emotional burden on others. I have learn so much what NOT to do from my parents.

Today I gave my parents a booklet on a 5-star retirement community that I know they can afford. Dad said that will be good in case they need to move in the next couple of years.... HELLO... you are 92 and 96..... move in while you can enjoy everything the place has to offer. And maybe for once I would get a good night sleep instead of laying away worrying about them.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
We are not like our parents in many ways. Their parents were cared for at home, but died in their 60's. They were much younger as caregivers, plus women stayed at home. We are now in OUR 60's and in many cases both working full time jobs. Our parents are still alive and approaching 90's. We are simply too old to care for them!!! Yet they cared for their parents and they fully demand we do the same. What do you tell them? " Sorry mom and dad, you just lived too long." ??
Helpful Answer (11)
Report

Pam, I liked what you said "We are simply too old to care for them!!!".... great line. I need to remember that. I also wish my parents would realize that I AM a senior citizen myself with my own health issues, aches and pains. Heck, I could need help for myself next year. Then what? I got to remember that line, too. Maybe that will be a wake up call, an *ah ha* moment.

Shakingdustoff, in my area this 5-star retirement community is great, they have independent living buildings with a choice of 20 different styled condos, some condos up to 2,000 sqft.... then if the time comes you can't care for your self, you can move into what is called "Continuing Care", which is part of the same complex, and you still have access to all the amenities if you are mobile. The group that owns and runs these complex is Erickson Living, which also in some other States.

I don't want my significant other's daughter have to be on an elder care websites, at midnight, looking for help or to vent her frustrations.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

AmyGrace, one time I asked Dad when the times comes when he needs a Caregiver to come over to take care of him and Mom, and he calls an Agency which says they could send over a person BUT this person has zero training in caregiving.... doesn't know how to take blood pressure readings or listen to your heart.... doesn't know CPR.... doesn't like to cook... couldn't lift you if you fell because of a heart condition... hates to drive..... and she is pushing 70 years old.... well, Dad would you want that person to help you??? Dad said "of course not".....

Well, Dad, that person described would be me.

I seriously believe that our parent(s) still think we are 25 years old with the same energy of a 25 year old..... OMG, reality check, that ship had sailed a few years ago.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

pam - my mother is102 and I am 77 as of yesterday. I get tired at times too, but life goes on anyway, and I perk up for a while. Might as well enjoy the ride as much as possible.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

My parents had to deal with dementia type issues with their parents when they were in their 40's.. and they only kept them in their home for a short period of time.. probably not more than a month. Both my moms dad and my dads mom ended up in a nursing home.. with another sibling paying for it. They only visited them a few times from what i remember. They were both in nursing homes in another state.

By the time they were my age (early 50's) both their parents had passed away and their kids were grown and moved away.. and they were having a great time. My dad retired at 55 and my mom at 62.. they are now in thier early 80's. Up until the last couple of years they have had an awesome retirement.. traveling, playing, relaxing..great health. I don't see that in the cards for me.

Also.. I have no kids so when I get to be their age.. i won't have anyone to give up their life for me.. i will be on my own completely. I am realizing that i need to have a plan and be more organised so I know where i want to go when the time comes.

Lol at the 96 year old who is going to wait to move into a retirement village.. someday. I feel for you freqflyer .. you are at the age when you should be retired yourself .. and planning for your own old age.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Next week I am seeing my Elder Law attorney to finalize my Will/Trust, POA's, and what ever else I need. My significant other is doing the same thing.

Trying to get my parents to do something similar is like pulling teeth. They have a Will and POA's but the paperwork is very out of date, and the Will will be a probate minefield if not changed to a Trust, and if the POA's are not updated.

I am hoping the past 48 hours will be a wake up call for my parents, then again, maybe not. Dad [92] was taken to ER by the EMT's when he fell backwards on his driveway and banged up his head. Yep, driveway, they are still in their single family house.

Anywho, Dad had to stay overnight at the hospital. Today I told Dad I shouldn't be making decision for him as I am not his medical POA, Mom is.... but my Mom [96] has lost most of her hearing and most of her eye sight from age relate decline. She didn't come to the hospital because the walk from the entrance to Dad's room would have been too much for her.... and you couldn't get her into a wheelchair, my gosh someone might see her.... [sigh]. Only then did Dad realized that it would be very difficult for Mom. He agreed he needs to see an attorney. I am keeping my fingers crossed that will actually accept an appointment with an Elder Law attorney, something he should have done 10 years ago.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Oh, another thing I hope I won't be doing in 20-30 years is having the house so warm. When visiting my parents this afternoon I thought I was going to melt into a puddle if I stayed there another minute. It's like walking to a giant hot flash :0
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

GA - in terms of what I taught, I was very eclectic. Taught Physiology and Anatomy to nurses for years and Grades 12 and 10 Biologies. Then morphed into teaching basic computer literacy (Word, Excel, Power Point) along with the Biology - had fun with that. Then they recruited me to teach a lower level English (grammar and writing skills) which was a fun class so I ended up with Biology, Computers and English. They had assigned me Gd. 12 Chemistry, in my last year but I decided to retire. Mother's needs were too great and I was 73 - well past retirement age. Didn't care for that chem. course either.

Yes, the ups and downs of the last year have been draining and unsettling. Dealing with mother is usually more difficult rather than less. I am finding that the geriatric psychiatric hospital staff do not understand Borderline Personality Disorder very well. Oh dear, they will learn.

FF - I think they think we are bullet proof. NOT!!!

amy - sounds like you need some regular outside help. What you are doing is too much.

cm - where do you go for answers? It seems you are finding some in that book by Christine Lawson. Don't even try to get her to understand. I don't think your efforts will pay off. Sure you can help it. You won't be like her... Answers about what to do? Post more specific questions re cycle breaking, if that is your main concern. (((((hugs)))
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Emojo.. how old is your mother,,, this math does not add up or I missed something!! I hope to heck I don;t live to be 103! I am 56 and tired, but I still love my job, and my life. BUT.. I hope when I start to slip I will still remember where the heck I put the sleeping pills! My Mom is so peeved that dad got ALZ, and they are no longer independant. I don;t want to put this on my daughter, or deal with the worry and stress. I have no fear of death, I have had a great life. And when it is over I hope to go peacefully and quickly. Not the living death my dad is going through. He has great care here. but his decline is awful to watch. Sorry if I offend anyone with this.. but it;s how I feel.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

I have vowed to develop a more positive attitude, not complain and be more and more aware and kind to others. I have learned how one person can uplift many and one person can ruin people's lives or at least bring them down. I will will myself to be sweeter and kinder under all conditions and do my best to take care of myself. This way, I am hoping I'll be nice old lady when my time comes.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

See All Answers
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.