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My client is resistive to down right aggressive to my giving her her sit shower. Her sister does this 3x week but is needing the CG to do it. When we do try she gets snippy and will not do what we try... Asking first and getting her in bathroom to point of unclothed and ready to get in bathing area... Then she's gone to the other side and no way will she comply. The family thinks we are scared but as caregivers we aren't allowed to make patients do this...so it's a catch twenty two. I've tried the towel covering privacy mode... Nope Nada!!! Thus also goes for changing her depends ... She fights to stay in them and then family gets nasty that we can't handle it.... But after 4x of attempting to chg her when she's on toilet... She will attack my head.... I won't allow that.i can use constructive help please

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Are you sure she is still at mid-stage Alzheirmer's? Perhaps it is time for her family to have her evaluated by a competent neurologist to see if her disease has progressed beyond moderate Alzheimer's. She is exhibiting many signs of a more advanced stage-IMP.
This sounds like a dangerous situation for you on at least two fronts. First your client is becoming more aggressive. This puts you at risk of being hurt physically. Then there is the risk of you being blamed for her lack of cooperation. In all likelihood, she will become more aggressive, placing you in greater physical danger.
The second risk is the possibility of the family terminating you without paying and with a good recommendation. In the age of online message boards and rating systems, such as yelp., the family could leave a negative message about you and the firm you work for. If they are truly unhappy, then they might stop paying your agency for your time spent.
If you are not keeping a paper trail of the client's behaviors and the family's feedback, then you should starting a notebook with the date and time of the behaviors, such as the ones described. You need to CYA with this family
If your agency has an attorney on retainer, then the owner should consult with the law firm as a way of protecting itself.
I would also make sure that you are being paid in a timely manner. If the family is not paying promptly, then that could be a warning sign of their displeasure with your care.
If I were you, I would start looking for a new assignment/client ASAP. IMO, you might be in a no win situation.
If you want to revisit, the bathing situation, then the best advice on bathing is found in "Surving Alzheimer's, practical tips and soul-saving wisedom for caregivers." The author is Paula Scott Spenser. The book offers the best advice on bathing that I have seen. If you don't have access to the book, then reply with your email address and I will reply with a pdf on bathing.
Perhaps your agency should buy a copy of this book for the family. It sounds like they need help in order to grasp the stage of her illness.
You can't change the client's behavior. But you can change your own by finding a new client or assignment.
You are in a difficult position, where the possibility of the situation getting worse is highly likely. Do be careful and take care of yourself first. I am concerned for you, as I have been in the same spot as you are in now.
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WOW poor you. and having the 'family' say you are scared? What the bleep?
They should be supporting you and listening to your concerns.
Have THEY ever tried to bathe her? let them comment when THEY do. sheeesh.

So in my experience. my mother-in-law was the same way.
So, instead. I would say 'listen. you want to smell like a lost cat?"
Sounds harsh but she listened. then I would say ''you know. being bitter wont get us anywhere. you need to clean-up. we need to work together here. you can fight me for an hour OR have a fresh shower for 10 minutes and feel, smell a lot better"
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This does not sound like a person with mid-stage dementia. Leave her alone. Don't fight with her. Give her a wash cloth and let her sponge bath. Why are family members so intent on their loved one being clean? I know urine (the ammonia) smells, so just spray the area or let her do it. She has a terminal illness. What matters if she dies clean or smells? Come on people...Leave her alone.
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I've read enough to know that resistance to baths/showers is standard. Mom has always resisted, but the first time she really got nasty about it kinda freaked me out until I was reassured of this commonality - and that the bathing frequency doesn't need to be what it once was, or is for most healthy folks. I only fight that battle with her once a week now.

Granted, I am able to change her Depends regularly (though she also thinks they're always fine and don't need changing) and stay fairly vigilant with toileting clean up in between. There are always wash cloths for intermittent clean ups, too.

Others have given good broader advice here, but maybe at the very least, the shower frequency could be reconsidered.

Hang in there, and bless you for all you do!
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Sorry, I'm very sensitive to smells. I could not stand the smell of body oder, urine and all else. Mom gets bathed 3x a week sponge on off day. I can't imagine not bathing at all. The family has to realize the laws. You as a caregiver cannot force a person to do what they don't want to. If she is combative maybe time for a nursing facility.
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My Mom has a caregiver for 4 hours every morning, Monday through Friday, and Mom will not take a bath for her. We make sure the bath is ready and then I have to lead her by the hand and convince her of how good that warm water is going to feel and how great she will smell and how beautiful she will be. Then I say "lets take off your shoes and socks cuz there's nothing worse than stinky feet. Now turn your back to me and put your arms up...lets get that shirt off you (undo the bra). Now wrap this towel around you to stay warm (really for modesty while I take off her pants and diaper). She says "I have to take off that too" and I say "yes, you don't want your clothes to get wet, right?" Then I say "ok lets get you in that warm water...It's going to feel sooo good". Once she's actually in the tub, she will let the caretaker bathe her. If I'm not around and Mom doesn't mind the caretaker then I just say "OK". I would never fault the caretaker because she can't MAKE Mom do something she doesn't want to do. I would definitely talk to the family and let them know whats going on and ask for their help or suggestions so they understand that you are doing your best.
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Blesson, this is well past mid-dementia. The patient needs better medication and you deserve some protection from harm. .
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Goodness gracious, the things we have to put up with; some live forever in a demented state and others depart young when their lives are just getting settled...the unfairness of it all makes me sick! Please Higher Power take me in my sleep before I get to this poinT!
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It amazed me that suddenly the frail elder gets the strength of Sampson! My mother almost broke her own eye glasses when I gently tried to take them from her.
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Mom has dementia & was on hospice two years ago. Hospice used a great No Rinse wash that I use on the days she doesn't shower. Works really well and neutralizes odor.
God bless you all.
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