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I don't mean medically. I mean emotionally. I need me time. He gets restless very quickly. He is in rehab now. Maybe it will get a bit easier when he gets home. He had a stroke. But his mind is good. Can communicate. But can't use one hand and fingers. Wants out of rehab. At least out of building. No one else to help me.

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I, too, have given up my "Senior Life" for my husband. My dreams of traveling the country or even just walking around towns on day trips, flea markets, etc. went out the window when my husband became ill in 2013 after a stroke in 2003 and basically gave up. He is incontinent, can't walk and refuses rehab just like yours. Speak with someone at the rehab. Most have social workers, case managers, patient liaisons, etc. They may recommend home rehab. When the therapist comes out, take off. You don't need to be there. Go get a cup of coffee. If his disability is just his hand and he can walk, even a trip to the grocery is a good wait for you both to get out for an hour. Your life will change, there's no doubt about it. It's annoying. It's frustrating. You'll get angry with him, yourself and Life in general. If you were an active couple with friends and a social life previously, let your friends know things have changed but you don't want to be reclusive. Have a get together at your home. We weren't. Hubby was devoted to his family business and we never cultivated friendships or went out and socialized beyond the business. I escape weekly by babysitting my grandchildren. I stay at my daughter's condo when my grands are at school and watch what I want on television. I worry, since hubby is about 95% immobile, but if I don't do this, I will have a nervous breakdown. Be selfish. Leave him a sandwich and a bottle of soda and go to a park, library or someplace else. You are not his entertainment director, you are his wife. It's not your job to keep him entertained 24/7. Take "me" time, by force if you need to. Don't lose yourself because of him. I have and now it's too late.
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Your hubby needs Occupational Therapy so he can be able to do more things for himself. That is good that his mind is fine and he can communicate. It takes time for the body to heal, and some guys want everything to mend like yesterday. He's probably bored being there, and that is a good sign, too.

As for "me time", good luck, as it is tough to get ones mind to stop racing so that you can enjoy some quiet time. Even looking forward to a good movie or TV show, you might find yourself staring out the window and not paying attention to the movie or show. And all of that is so very normal.

If you want productive "me time", go through your closet and toss out clothing you no long want, and donate what is usable. Go through the linen closet, next. It will help keep your mind off of hubby for awhile, and it's a feel good task as now the closets look organized and someone else can enjoy the clothing if donated.
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It is not easy, Hadnuff. And the first hours and days home from a care setting can be overwhelming. But you will get through it! The high priorities will rise to the top and you will learn what you can be less concerned about.

How do you balance your needs with your husband's needs? Well, in my experience, you tend to lean more toward his needs. His needs are greater, after all. Don't think you have to reach some arbitrary "balance" or should feel like a failure if you can't work out an "equal" arrangement. You probably vowed "for better or for worse" and this is the worse scenario. BUT you absolutely MUST recognize and honor your own needs, for me time, for health measures, for outside support. Maybe in terms of hours it isn't "even" or "fair" -- you may give him more; he needs more. But you cannot be a successful caregiver if you give you nothing.

Maybe for the first hours and days that he is home you have very little "me" time. That is OK. You can get by for short, intense periods like that. Within a short time you do need to start putting your own needs into the picture, too.
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If he is exhausting you now it can only get 10 X worse when he is at home and has only you to rely on. He may have been the sweetest guy in the world before this but now he seems needy and demanding, and you need to learn how to establish some boundaries for your own peace of mind. Yes, he is ill and that sucks, but the b^tching and negativity aimed toward you needs to stop, or you need to find ways to deflect it, so you don't get so stressed.
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First you assess yourself about how you can handle your husband's challenges and your change in lifestyle. Second, I've found a change of scenery always helps calm an agitated loved one. Go for a car ride. With only one hand to use, maybe get him an iPad (I hope I am naming the correct device) where all he has to do with the other hand is swipe the screen to find all sorts of information. I've had wrist surgery recently and the doctor's office has these pads for patients to enter their information. Not having one of these electronic devices (you can also find this feature on a phone) it was an engaging way to enter my data. It was actually fun because it is a novelty to me. A person with dementia would probably not enjoy it, but you say your husband's mind is intact. As far as your emotional state, seek professional counseling if you are really at a breaking point. Do things that make you happy, (i.e. take a bath, paint your fingernails, get a facial, etc.). Treat yourself if you can afford it, and don't discount a walk where there is greenery. Mother nature really lifts one's spirit and soothes the soul. Hang in there. We caregivers are all just taking one day at a time. Best wishes!
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If you try to do everything without me time, you will burn out. I tried, I did and now I don't or hire someone to help. I have SO with memory loss and I own a biz. You sound like an introvert. If you are not sure, then you might want to take the Myers briggs Personality test. You can find free versions online. As a care partner, you can't burn out.
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Think about looking into a day program. Are you sure you want him to come home? If his care is now more than you can or want to provide there are other options to returning home. What do YOU want?
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"Maybe it will be a bit easier when he gets home?" No, it will be worse.
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Barbara, If you talk to your husband's doctor, you might find that technically he now is classified as a "shut in." That usually means that a person cannot go anywhere outside the home without substantial assistance. If he is a "shut in," you should be able to have a phlebotomist come to your house for his blood draws. Medicare should pay for this. Also, when you do have to transport your husband, you might find the parking situation easier if you have a handicapped permit. Your husband's doctor should be able to explain how to go about getting the permit.

Could you hire a professional caregiver to come in for a few hours to give you a break? The agency I spoke with quoted a rate of $22 to 25 per hour.

I'm so sorry that you and your husband are in this difficult situation.
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It got easier for me when my hubby came home. They set up a hospital bed, hoyer lift, wheelchair etc. Visiting Nurses sets up home care in my area, so they gave me 22 hours a week for homemaker services. S/he will do laundry, cook,clean, run errands etc. Help with bathing n dressing. While she is here I can do whatever I want, like go outside, leave, go anywhere..just go drive around for a while something will occur to you.
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