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What are your best coping techniques to surviving a caregiver's bad day? I'm feeling a little beat up and defeated today. : (

Every single one of us who cares for someone gets frustrated, depressed and just plain mad. These feelings are always lurking in the corner of our minds. Whether or not we let them take over our lives is up to us. If we search out negativity, we will find it, especially in today’s world.

We are partly responsible for what happens to us during our days. However, we are not 100% “at fault”. I care for my husband and he has some days that he is whiny and demanding, or just dealing with negative feelings of his own which can get passed on to me. Those are the days that even the birds singing outside can p**s me off. If I let those days define me, those kinds of days come more and more often.

On my own, I have taught myself to not sweat the small stuff. No one comes over, so if there are dishes in the sink, I don’t worry. They’ll get done...eventually. House is messy? Oh, well. Who will see? Three words I tell myself on those days, “I don’t care.” I do what I can. I care for my husband 24/7/365. Because he is immobile, we go nowhere and do nothing. I handle absolutely everything. I make 99.9% of decisions and handle whatever comes up. I also work 25 hours a week in the baby room of a daycare. If there’s dust on the tables at home or piles of dog/cat fur in the corners, you got it—“I don’t care.” There are no roaches in my house.

If you've spent the day doing the best you can, go to bed with a good book and congratulate yourself for a job well done. It’s all you can do.
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Liss79 Apr 23, 2019
"If you've spent the day doing the best you can, go to bed with a good book and congratulate yourself for a job well done. It’s all you can do."
I LOVE THIS!
And, thank you for reminding me not to sweat the small stuff. : )
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At the end of the day if no one has gone to the hospital and everyone is still breathing then it's been a good day...
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Jean1808 Apr 24, 2019
Im going to remember this!
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My go-tos were junk food and booze, but mostly junk food. (You didn't specify healthy options😂)
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Liss79 Apr 23, 2019
Haha! You are right, I didn't specify. Thank you for making me giggle : )
Laughter..........another VERY powerful coping technique.
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I read on my Kindle. I've read 104 books so far this year because sometimes I'm up and down all night with my mother. Once I'm awake I have a difficult time falling back to sleep.

My sister and I play cutthroat Yahtzee.

I also do "projects" like knit in straight rows and paint with watercolors and tear paper out of catalogs and glue it on boxes and lampshades. I even made my own urn out of ripped paper and an oatmeal carton. :0)

And I eat gummy bears.
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NeedHelpWithMom Apr 24, 2019
Wow! Great reading. Please share some of your favorite books. We have a public radio station for the blind here. They read fiction and nonfiction, newspapers, magazines, etc. It’s wonderful!

They have just as many sighted listeners. They read a lot of local authors too. It’s great.
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Go to Google Images and type in "very funny memes." If that doesn't work, "very funny animal memes." Laughter is the best medicine. Then take a nap.

I read a lot, too, for escapism. A local used bookstore has tons of selections for $1 each. Thrift stores can be good sources, too. Just look for interesting titles and covers. If one doesn't strike your fancy, you haven't lost much. Then pass them along to someone else.

Good luck. And yes, you're doing your best.
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I love reading all the responses here!
I tend to unravel at the end of a bad day and want to cry over a lot of calories. But I really worry about my own health. Bad food on top of stress is a recipe for disaster and after the loved one is gone...I will suffer the results of my choices. Talking to someone who will listen to me and laugh with me is the best!
When I'm feeling really low the last thing i want to be around is a lot of really peppy girls in spandex BUT...going to the gym for a spin or yoga class is really good. If you have access to that and can manage to make yourself get inside i highly recommend giving it a try. You can cry at the same time and it will just blend right in with the sweat.
As far as books go...I love Angela's Ashes. It is my favorite.
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Jenelle83 Apr 26, 2019
Imnotcrazy, have you listened to Angela's Ashes read by the author, Frank McCourt? If not, you must! I'm a huge audiobook fan and it is absolutely one of the best things I've ever heard.
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Vodka + Xanax = ahhh (in moderation and only if legally prescribed and then only after you've tried meditation and breathing techniques, and after not during a course of the current antidepressant of the week.) Well it made me smile lol.
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PandabearAUS Apr 26, 2019
A couple of glasses of red wine and a Xanax. Without it I would have lost my mind nd a life ng time ago.
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I live in Hawaii. I go to the beach. Get in the water and chill out. I take mom with me. Good for her to get out in the fresh air.
Chill out with an old movie, popcorn and a glass of wine or whatever.
Listen to relaxing music. Take a walk, exercise, meditate. Call a friend. Hope something works for you. Hugs. I've had a lot of bad caregiving days with mom.
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Countrymouse Apr 26, 2019
Yay! Do you think I could get "move to Hawaii" on doctor's prescription? 😃
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A dish of ice cream sometimes helped. ..sometimes it was a whole pint!
Did you do the best you could on those "bad days"?
In reality could your bad day get worse? ..
Read some of the posts here and realize that you don't have the worst day..I read some of these and thank God that I had it pretty easy all things considered.
I think about some of the problems that members of my support group have and again I am thankful for what I had.

Whenever you do cope with a bad day and figure out how to make things right or easier pass that info on let others learn from you.

Another great way is to Journal about each day and make sure you include good things, funny things and not just the frustrations. But use the Journal to vent as well. As you Journal do look back and remind yourself what you THOUGHT was a bad day 3 months ago really was nothing compared to today. And in another 5 or 6 months you will look back on today and realize it really wasn't as bad as it seemed at the time. We all need time to shape or reshape our perspective.
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Liss79 Apr 23, 2019
Thank you for your response : )
I used to journal all the time, but got away from it. Something to start again though as it always helped me before.
P.S. An ice cream sounds perfect right now.
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A shower with lavender soap, a coloring book with florals, a good book, or retro channel TV comedy. Telling myself to take things one day at a time and tomorrow is a new day....and always chocolate.
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