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My mom is 80 and VERY frail with osteoporosis and several lung issues.
My husband and I have been living with her for a little over two years so she can stay in her home.
She refuses to ride in the back seat of the car. My husband is 72 and I’m basically the navigator when we take trips.
I tried to explain to my mom that’s it’s better for me to be up front and safer for her in the back (just like kids so they don’t get hit in the face with an airbag and such).
She is very adamant about not sitting in the back as a “respect” thing.
She wants me to take her on a 4 hour trip to the coast and I won’t do it if husband and I can’t be in the front together for such a drive into parts unknown.
I googled “are seniors safer in the back seat?” But I didn’t get any info that I could share with her to convince her.
When we do “in town” trips to the store and doc appts I or my husband always ride in the back seat.
Long trips are not the same.
Any advice?

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I'll put it bluntly: If your mom was hit by an airbag, it would kill her -- period. They can cause injuries to healthy, burly men, so an old woman with osteoporosis will die. If she's also short, she could have her neck broken. They also cause burns. Airbags are propelled with a high-powered chemical reaction, and there's a reason why only adults over a certain height get to sit in the front seat.

My husband was in the automotive industry for 34 years and was adamant about our kids being much taller than required before they ever rode in the front seat. He inspected airbags after accidents and knows what he's talking about.
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Tell her to call an Uber to take her to the shore and she can sit in the front seat the whole way! Then you and DH can go wherever you like, how does that sound? Your mother should be thanking you profusely for moving into her house so she can "age in place". Instead, she's dictating to you where she needs to sit in the car and where she needs to be driven? If it were me, I'd be driving her to look at Assisted Living communities so you can move on with YOUR OWN lives now.

I can one up you, though. When my dear father was alive and did all the driving for my mother The Queen, she'd sit in the back seat, directly behind him. Her logic was if they were in a car crash, his body would shield hers and protect her from flying thru the windshield! True story. Nice, huh? 😣
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Why is it that these elders are allowed to call the shots on everything? You are an elder yourself so just tell her flat out that the back seat is the safest place for someone with brittle bones and for her safety if she refuses to do this you and your husband wont be able to take her places in the car anymore.
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Whoever has the responsibility has the power. High time you show her some authority. Put her in her place literally and figuratively. Inform her of her choices: either ride in the back seat or stay home.

Also I want to point out, your mother has been very disrespectful to you and your husband. Don't you see that?
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Have your husband run ahead and yell "shotgun" seat.
Obviously kidding...
The airbags would do great damage to her. Much like they would a small child.
If she wants YOU to take HER on the trip put it to her bluntly. She sits in back or no trip. You are the driver it is your rules. And once you get her in the back seat for the trip she should remain there for in town trips as well. It does not matter if you are in town or on the highway if she gets smacked with airbags she will be severely injured if not killed. You might want to pay a visit to the local Rescue squad or the police department and see if they have any info on elderly people and front seat injuries.
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I am 5ft tall and afraid of my airbags going off and I get it square in the face.

For me...he is my husband and I want to sit next to my husband. Also, not too great on being in the back seat because of motion sickness. I don't get physically sick just feel icky.

So, she needs to respect that he is your husband and you sit in the front with him.
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Miss Daisy always sat in the back. Just a thought.

Get a satnav and then share the driving with your husband, is my only other idea. Nothing is going to make your mother content to give up her place.
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Sendhelp Jul 2021
Hahaha. Driving Miss Daisy was really good!
Maybe they should buy a limo, then see who rides in back.

Or, get a limo with a paid driver, and sit in the back. Mom can then sit in front.
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It’s interesting, because I thought it was a respect thing too. My ex-husband’s younger model insisted on sitting in the front passenger seat when they took his mother in the car, and I thought it was disrespectful. However the back seat was a bit higher, and MIL winced as she climbed in. I didn’t know about airbag injuries (neither did they), and anyway I think it’s the ‘insist always’ that is unacceptable. It was yet another example of 'I'm more important than she is - and you had better make that clear!'.
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Respect plus maybe pride?

Getting into the backseat can be harder as the door does not open as wide. Once in the leg room may be smaller, harder for those with bad knees, backs or other mobility issues. Getting out can be an embarrassing tug of war scene.

From the backseat the windscreen view is obscured. This may increase anxiety for some. Especially if any vision impairment.

I have relatives with these sorts of issues + more. So driving them anywhere fell into the 'too hard' basket long ago.

Time to start holidaying as a couple, without the third wheel?
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Very frail Mom needs to stay at home.
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