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In July we are going to auction off my childhood home of 40+ years. My dad died 3 years ago, and my mom just moved to assisted living. We have to go the auction route bc the house is FULL of 'stuff' to put it politely. My dad's clothes are all still there...uh...crying as I write this...I live 1200 miles away and have tried to clean out every visit, but this will be a one-week visit gauntlet from Hell for me where it HAS to be done and there will be NO going back. I LITERALLY don't know how I am going to get through this. This is worse than when my dad died, which sounds awful. It is SUCH a beautiful house, with beautiful woodwork and in the country...I don't know how I will ever drive away from that house for the *LAST* time. I plan on bringing my mom to see it for the last time - any tips there? We have a garage in another place in which to store stuff - should we just put what she wants to keep there until she dies? My mom is still, for the most part, 'with it', but thinks in a child-like, unrealistic way, which I see here a lot.


Every time I even THINK of it, I have a meltdown. It doesn't help that I have no husband or boyfriend and my sister and I don't really get along and she HATES that house (? I have no idea why) I am trying to mentally prepare myself, but I love that house so so much...every Thanksgiving, every Christmas, every birthday, every 'meet the new boyfriend' every 'I need to go home' And NOW of all times...
Any kind words of advice would be appreciated. This forum has been SO helpful to me.

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I'm so sorry you are going through such a traumatic event. Please try to remember that 'things' are really meaningless, in the scheme of life. It's people that have meaning, and that you love and care about, and that is where the memories come from that you hold inside of your heart. The 'stuff' is just stuff, the house is just brick & mortar, and it will wind up being owned by another family who will love it and care for it as you have. The memories you have of that house can never be erased just because it's being auctioned off. They will remain in your heart and part of you forever.

Look into hiring someone locally to help you move things out and into the garage you plan to use for storage. You can rent a UHaul or a small truck for very little money, and then hire someone with strength to do the heavy lifting for you. Have a talk with yourself that you will NOT have any meltdowns during this move out because that will just create a bad scene for your mother who is already acting child-like. Creating a dramatic situation will help neither of you get through this! Plan to pick and choose items from the house that mean the most to you both; ask the question 'does this item bring me joy?' and that will determine what you keep. That's a tip from Marie Kondo, the queen of de-cluttering your life and organizing it. Pre-determine how many boxes you will bring with you to the garage so there's nothing do decide on last minute. When you line your ducks up beforehand, there's less stress in general to deal with the day of.

Wishing you the very best of luck getting through this event. You CAN do it! You are strong like bull! You and mom will come through this will flying colors and be able to lean on one another for support and strength. Feed yourself these types of positive messages moving forward, and plan to stop by a patio restaurant for lunch or dinner and DRINKS after it's all over.

GOOD LUCK!
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This sounds absolutely wrenching. But the house isn't your memories. The house isn't your childhood and young adulthood. Those are still yours.

I used to work for a storage place and I cannot tell you how many tens of thousands of dollars families spend keeping stuff for sentimental reasons. Stuff will weigh you down. Stuff isn't what gives you the comfort and the pleasure. It's the memories. No one can take those from you. They are yours.

A new family will own and love that house and make their own cherished memories. A man named Viktor Frankl said that everything can be taken from you except your right to choose how you are going to handle a situation. Choose to be grateful for your loving memories and choose to be generous in releasing the home to a new family.

Like all "graduations", this is bittersweet. I wish you comfort.
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Daughterof1930 Jun 2020
Beautifully said Alice...
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If it’s your childhood home, I bet there are others from your high school still in the area. I’d suggest that you go onto your (& Sissys year too) HS alumni website and post you are looking for someone(s) to help you do a clear out of your folks place, & for a fair rate or for % of the contents. There will be someone if not several; & I bet they can help edit out the good from the dreck. Plus their kids or grandkids are out of school legitimately now & can help haul or move.

Unless your folks are apt to have squirreled away Kugerrands or kept stuff in ziplocks, or really kept furnishings & drapes tippy top clean & temperature controlled for decades, most of what’s there will be past it’s prime for being collectibles. Really just a couple of moldy books or moldy back of a piece of art or piece of furniture will ruin everything in its airspace in a storage unit.

It sounds like your planning on having your mom with you on this adventure?, is that right? if so really you have to have help. You cannot let her venture thru the place on her own.... nothing but nothing will get accomplished. And you have a drop dead auction date, you cannot be all maybe manana. Find help. Good luck.
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When I had to go through my mother’s possessions after she died, I found I had to “go away” emotionally if that makes sense, and just power through it. I made quick decisions, and found it best to keep only a few items. The memories were her, not her things. I will be doing this again when my dad is gone, and though I dread it, I know I’ll do the same. And it does help to think of a new family living in the home and creating their own happy memories there. I wish you peace in all this..
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I'm in a very similar situation. I have started taking photos before clearing out each room. It's hard, but like so many here have said.....it's stuff. Your memories are yours to take with you. For me and my Mom, the pictures are easing the discomfort a bit. She has dementia so she may not remember, even with the pictures, in later years, But for now, it's comforting and gives her something to talk about. She was a packrat and I had no clue how much she had stashed away. Wish I'd been more attentive, but we weren't close.
We won't take her to the house while it's being cleared, repairs made, and getting ready for rent. We don't believe she could handle it well. She'd lived there 50 years.
Best wishes and I hope all goes well! Be strong, and patient! You can do it.
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I am sorry you have to lose your childhood home. It is much more than just a home. It's all the memories of the life you spent in that place.

If I were you, I'd would slowly walk through every room in the house and make a recording of, as you narrate, the most precious memories of things and events that took place there, and do the same for the outside of the house, the yard, any nice neighbors that you want to remember, etc. Whenever you feel nostalgic and want to revisit your old childhood home, you can look back at the recording and relive the good times.
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graygrammie Jun 2020
Yes, this is very close to what I was going to answer.

My friend just went through this with her childhood home. Her father passed fifteen years ago, her mother with dementia lives with her. My friend had the responsibility of getting the house ready for sale. She took her mom to the house for one last visit. She walked her through each room and asked her to tell her memories about the room as she recorded it all with her phone. Oh the stories her mom told! Her memories were as clear as if they had just happened yesterday. Even though I've never met this woman, I watched every video (15 minutes segments) that my friend posted and got a glimpse, not of the lady she is today, but of a young mom raising her family thirty years ago.

If you could do this, I think this would be the most precious keepsake you could possibly have of your childhood home. Your mom's voice, your mom's stories.
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I am sorry you are feeling so melancholy but as others said, you take the feelings from those experiences with you.

Me being more practical I would ask yourself, in spite of the memories, are you able to purchase the home and make all the repairs and renovations to keep the home functioning in good shape? Probably not. In that case you need to let it go.

My hubby and family had to sell their childhood home 3 yrs ago to pay for MIL’s LTC/MC. He went up and spent the weekend with his siblings and they went through it together. It was very hard on him, as, like you, his whole life was spent in that house growing up.
But sell they did. A year later hubby drove past his old home and it was totally renovated- didn’t even look like his house.

Everything changes; nothing stays the same. It’s all perspective. You are not only mourning the loss of your childhood home but the loss of your parents as well (essentially both if mom has dementia now). It’s a huge realization. Very emotional.

But in the end it’s only “stuff”- an old house with old memories. What you will remember most are the sentiments behind those events that were so important in your life.

Don’t even store anything - clean it out. I have stuff of my mother’s I have kept from her apt now for 7 years that I should have let go then. It sits there taking up space not only physically but in my heart as well. I too need to learn how to let go.

The end of this chapter in your life is difficult but you’ve been able to get through difficult situations in the past due to the love and support you received during your time in that house.
That’s priceless.
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NancyInSc Jun 2020
"Don’t even store anything - clean it out. I have stuff of my mother’s I have kept from her apt now for 7 years that I should have let go then. It sits there taking up space not only physically but in my heart as well. I too need to learn how to let go."

AMEN! I am cleaning out my parent's house now and have found several boxes of their parent's stuff and my mother's grandmothers stuff. Before her passing in December at 94 years, my mother and I had started on a Swedish Death Cleanse finding homes for her precious items and weeding down my stuff. Now I am working on it a little every day. I have 70+ years of paperwork. My relatives tend to live to their mid-nineties, and are packrats. Lots of goodies to go though. You will survive.
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Have you thought about one of those estate auction places?
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Take a leaf out of KonMari's book: find a quiet moment to greet the house & thank it for serving you. Thank it to show graditude & for the wonderful memories. Then wish it well as it goes onto it's next chapter to find the next family to love it. The memories will continue to live within you.
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Besides the good advice given so far, I'd like to offer a different perspective.

It's just TOO EMOTIONAL for you right now to approach this mammoth project, and you WILL make errors that you will regret later. Believe me. I'm still recovering from that.

First, another issue: is the home is otherwise good condition? Are you auctioning the contents or the home, or both? If the home, stop right now! Find a realtor with whom you're comfortable, and let that person help you. Realtors often know of good auctioneers, people to help with asset disposition and other close-out issues.

Second, your post is traumatic and emotional, expressing your own trauma at having to do this. Do you have the funds to keep the house over the summer? If so, if you're not working or working from home, consider spending more than a week there with specific goals, as opposed to the whole house.

Third, start with a list of the least memorable things, and work through to the harder items, which will help you acclimate to disposition easier than if you approach the task in the emotional state you're in now.

E.g., your father's clothes can be donated, either to a Salvation Army, or a Veteran's organization or other organization of your choice. I've been told by a number of people that clothes don't bring much at auctions. So save the auctions for furniture and larger objects, but even they can be donated. SA and Purple Heart both pick up at a home, if you can just get the stuff outside. I believe VFW does as well.

I sense your urgency as well as your anxiety and trauma, and having been there, know that it's hard to make good decisions with all that stress. Try another route: prioritize: easy things w/less emotional value first. Kitchen utensils, towels, sheets, etc. don't have as many memories as photos.

Fourth, take time to find a removal company that really works with you, not one of the 800 Junkers. Try JDog Junk Removal & Hauling in Orlando, FL 32819. They're not close to your area, but my JDog drives just as far to help me.

They're a Veteran owned company, and Vets often help out. The last time they came, a Marine on leave used that time to help them. They're hands down, the best ever service I've hired for home cleanout, far more knowledgeable, reliable and competent, with resources to handle some demolition that other companies wouldn't touch.

I know 1200 miles is a long, long way to drive, but if you can make each visit longer than a week (which is much too short a time for a cleanout), you can acclimate yourself to the task, and lessen the trauma.

(If I haven't convinced you yet, post back and I'll keep trying!)
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Please take my response in the well meaning spirit that is is written. I too grew up in a beautiful old home in the country. It became too much for my mother when she was older and the next door neighbor purchased it for the adjacent acreage. He made improvements to the property that were beyond my mother's means. I was so happy to see this! Feeling nostalgic one day, I drove by the house . . . IT WAS GONE! They had torn it down to build a new house on the site. I was heartbroken for all of the reasons that you have cited. BUT, I lived. I still have my wonderful memories and I am still blessed to have had the good fortune to grow up in this beautiful home. No one can take that away from me, ever. My thought for you is cherish your beautiful memories and remember how very fortunate you were to grow up in such a wonderful home.
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Mthr did not take care of her home for 40 years, so 8 years ago we paid for it to be torn down and the lot scraped to the specs of the neighboring church we would donate it to. Not long ago, I went to google maps and searched the address. It was so pretty now as a park! Now other people can make good memories and it is a blessing to many.

I like how flylady says to let go of things to bless others. The idea of blessing others with things has made the process of letting things go.
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I wouldn't take Mom to see it one last time. It may be more upsetting than good.

My Moms house was falling apart because with Dads disability and then after his death Moms income was cut, there never was any money for upkeep. I cleaned it alm out with a little help from DH. You are going to have to harden yourself. You won't have time to be sentimental. Take a room at a time. If you think there is something you want, put it aside. I gave furniture to Habitat for Humanity. I gave house wears and other things to thrift shops. Mom lived onva main road so stuff put out near the road was gone. Bag clothes and put them in a clothes bin. Hire a dumpster if u need to. There were 3 of us. I bought storage boxes and put our name on each of them. As I found things of theirs and pictures, i thru them in their box. Save pictures for the last thing you go thru. You may just want to deal with them when u get home. Those things you put aside, go thru them again, u may find you can part with a little more. This is a job you have to get done. Save the tears when its all over. My Moms house is being all fixed up. I'm hoping he will allow me in to see what he has done. If I had the money, I would have fixed it up, but at 70 I needed that money for my retirement.
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A few years ago I needed to empty my parents house. My gosh, I wanted to bring home so many items but I knew I wouldn't have room.

Then someone here on the forum recommended swapping out one of my own items and replace it with something owned by my parents. What a great idea !!! My parents had some lovely china based lamps so I swapped out my metal base lamps and donated.

I took my Mom's china custard bowls and swapped out tin containers that I used for paperclips on my desk.

The 4 drawer dresser I had as a child is now sitting in my family room replacing a piece of furniture I no longer had feelings for :P

Anyway, you get the picture. Oh yeah, don't forget to swap out any pictures hanging on the walls.
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JoAnn29 Jun 2020
What a great idea. I actually had better stuff than my Mom. The one thing I did was post freebies to the local Facebook yardsale site. I left them in the backyard building. Told the people picking up stuff take whatever else they wanted in the building. Got that cleaned out.
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I found getting rid of the homey feel, the way I was accustomed to the house being, was very helpful. So I went through the house throwing out everything I knew needed to go and packing every small displayed item I knew we wanted to keep or would want to ask someone about later. I cleaned out kitchen cabinets and pantry of all food stuffs. Bathrooms cabinets of shampoo, toothpaste and brushes, makeup, most towels and wash clothes, etc. Magazines and newspapers from the living room and den. Packed all the family photographs, the family Bible and my parents books. Took the contents of my father's desk and dumped into storage bins. I did not do any "real" sorting through stuff at this point, just removing stuff to sort out later, throw away, or donate to good will. I had a couple of helpers to actually do a lot of the moving.

Once the house was a building filled with furniture and a few knickknacks, it was much easier to cope with emotionally. I used storage as a way to delay detailed sorting and focused on getting the house emptied, cleaned with a few minor renovations, and ready to sell. I brought a lot of storage tubs home a couple at a time to go through but I also went through a lot of them at the storage facility. Either way, the stuff was easier to sort out of the house where they had resided for so many years.
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Invisible Jun 2020
Yes, I thought that helped too. It was easier to walk away from the empty house than the one that was so personal.
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I am so sorry and I wish I had magic words. Other suggestions made here are excellent. I don't recommend taking your mom to see the place one more time. I remember my feisty grandma had people re-making beds, etc as she was seeing her house for the last time because she couldn't or wouldn't accept the house was already being dismantled to be sold. In another situation, family was so overwhelmed such that I was the one who ended up being the last one out of the house in an effort to help them. I remember trying to turn on the kitchen light only to discover the power had already been shut off. I remember the house being so, so, so, so quiet as if I were being told that it was time for all of us to move on. It's been a few years now, and most of the immediate family is coping with the new reality. It will help you to have somewhere you need to go as you leave for that last time. You can do it!!
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I'd only store stuff YOU want to keep. Mom will probably want to keep alot of worthless junk from the way you describe things. Books and photographs and such higher on the priority list that furniture or clothes, unless they are especially meaningful to you.

I wouldn't take you Mom there

Good luck
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I totally understand. I’m single. Had to sell mom’s house after she passed. Fortunately for me, I have a wonderful sister who helped clean everything out. We had an estate sale after my siblings and I took the things that meant the most to each of us. Spent a lot of time in the bathroom crying. Watching strangers walk out with her things was horrific. We couldn’t keep everything though. Took me a year before I could sell it. I would go there occasionally and just cry. It was my childhood home too.

Selling it was like experiencing another death. Letting go of the memories was difficult. It was also like having to let my mother go all over again. It took me a very long time to heal, but I did. It will be painful, but the pain does lesson.

One thing I should warn you about...disconnecting the phone will be a nightmare. I was crying while doing it. The thought of never dialing her number is still heart breaking.

Stay strong. God Bless you and your mom during this difficult time.
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I too am facing the same however, my mom's wish is to have home health and then hospice care come in until she passes.
I have a heart condition that's hereditary and recently found out it's considerably worse. I saw my heart surgeon last weekend and I'm not a good candidate for surgery so it's just a matter of time. I lost my brother and only sibling to cancer 17 yrs ago and my dad to Ahlzheimers 15 yrs ago.
I had moved out of state in 1988 and made the decision to move back to the city I grewup in after my youngest son graduated from high school. My oldest son had joined the Navy and the other 2 were living with me. When I moved I gave them a choice about moving with me. The house I was selling was their childhood home. They chose to stay in the house until it sold (I don't recommend this) and my fiance and I moved back to my hometown to help my mom with my dad (she was 9 yrs younger). They still lived in my childhood home and doing chores around the house and painting it gave me a real sense of purpose and pride. My husband helped too.
I was my mom's POA and ask her to change it and add my oldest son. She finally did it although I could challenge it in court because she's not of sound mind. I've already announced if I'm still here that I will be staying at the house until I'm done going through each room. I'm going to take my time just as you should and I'm going to borrow the idea from above comments about taking a audio/visual recording of each room. I love that idea!
My mom still has my dads clothes in the closet and his dresser is full. She occupies every closet in the house. My plan is to donate as much as I can to the Disabled Veterans and what the rest of the family doesn't want will go to the Salvation Army. I may butt heads with the rest of the family but I'm not going to be rushed so they can sell it. There's a high probability the city will be buying her house because it's in a 100 year flood plain and I've been cleaning up flood muck since 1977.
My concern is the change in POA'S. It has gone to my son's head and he thinks he's "Charles in Charge ".
You take all the time you have or want in your childhood home and really concentrate on the items in it. I understand what you're going thru and it's going to be a struggle since alot of things will mean alot to you and nothing to anyone else.
You're in my thoughts and prayers and I'll be wondering how you're doing when the time comes. We've been blessed to have spent our childhood in the same house, alot of people can't say that and don't understand the deep feelings we have. There's nothing wrong with being sentimental and I believe that's how our family history is passed down. We care enough to save that stuff and pass it down to the generation that wants it. Goodluck and let us know how it goes. You can do this!
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My mother passed away in August of 2018 but I still look here sometimes to see if I can help. My mom left me her house. I lovingly cared for it always. Tended the gardens. Cleaned. Cooked. Decorated. It was in our family for 50 years. When my mom died I discovered that my brother, her POA who had abandoned her and who also has 4 government salaries and a government pension (he and his wife are FBI analysts and in the military reserves and he is a retired cop) had mortgaged the house five times to bail out his credit card addictions. He refused to provide an accounting. I had to go to court against him and ended up mediating with him because I had no money to fight him. He spent another $70k in legal fees fighting me in court. I spent $30k of borrowed money. On top of the $300k gone with the mortgage. He let the house go into foreclosure and I was forced to sign it away or lose everything. He knew I had nothing as I had been caring for mom full time for years and let my business decline because of it. He would have burned it down he cared so little about it. It was everything to me and my ddaughters. He didn't even want his childhood photo albums. He just wanted whatever additional money he could get. My ex husband and I rushed to stuff into my basement as much of her things as I could fit. The rest we had to just sell because I had no room for it or money to store it. Furniture she and I had refinished together. The holiday dishes. Her cookbook collection. Her huge collection of mystery novels that we read together. The house itself was built by my great uncle. With lovely oak mouldings and a gorgeous staircase. A cottage like garage. Every event of my life was there. From my Baptism party to my wedding reception and the First Communion parties of my daughters. My brother short sold it to a developer who tore it down. I still live 1 block away from the property. I cannot even drive in that direction let alone ever walk by it. The pain is literally unbearable. I will never speak to my brother again. When I think about it all I think one of two extremes. I wish I had either fought harder for it on principle (to the point of losing everything) or just walked away from it all. The reality is...as much as I called it "my house" it wasn't my house. It was my mom and dad's house. And that basement full of stuff I now have and will likely never look at again .... Is not my stuff. It's theirs. You will find countless stories on here about houses and belongings. None of them end well. You would do well to take a few small mementos from that house and put the whole operation in the hands of an estate sale director. Walk through it one last time. Then walk away. There is no way to reconcile yourself to what is about to happen. It is truly a death of its own. Treat it that way and move on to focus on your mom and your future life together. That is what matters. You will have a raw spot on your heart about that house for a very long time. Probably forever. But the love your family shared there is what matters. The house didn't "house" that love or those memories. You did. I'm so very sorry. My heart breaks for you.
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SpoiledONe Jun 2020
Helo ChiGirl68. Hearing you talk about your brother makes me feel so bad because i have three brothers and they are so cold and indifferent to me. I call it hate but I'm sure they dont hate me. I have to tell myself not to hate them, however. I have been hurt so badly and my health is failing due to the lack of joy in our house. My mother has severe dementia and my father, bless his soul, has difficulties that are unique to him but very problematic to me. I have lived in the house off and on throughout my life. I stay in their house to help and believe it or not, my brothers want me to move out or pay rent. My father wants to live there till the end but he will likely run out of money. I took care of my mother until i broke my back helping her after she broke her hip. I oversee the care and make sure that my mother is happy all day. Trust me, keeping some sitters on track is not easy, or not for me. I am obsessed with making sure Mamma is not confused, afraid, frustrated, or even bored. And it is working but she does have a bit of Sundowners everyday; its crazy. My father is still working at age 83 as an accountant. He works hard and he would rather be at work than at home. It is keeping him alive and feeling good. My brothers have said constantly that the nursing home is the place for both of them even when my dad tells them he doesnt want to go. They disagree thinking they know whats best for the elderly and those with dementia and my dad has so much admiration and respect for my brothers. He want ask them for help in any way and made my younger brother executor of the estate; because he is a banker. I use to think that the family would pull together to keep mamma and daddy in their home but it looks like that want happen. I still pray for a miracle and I have had good results in the past. Even though I am so angry at my brothers for abandoning me and my parents; leaving us all to suffer alone and likely drown in our misery, I cannot stop encouraging them to at least take mamma riding around when they stop by about once every other month. They usually cant stay long because they are on their way to some important event. Currently they are furious at me because i keep a record of the minutes anyone spends visiting with mamma. they spend about 15 to 30 minutes a year being with Mamma. They come in and say "hi"; thats about it. I use to write about mamma in Facebook and so many people loved it. Before my back surgery i begged for help and go so angry when they refused, I wrote about them on Facebook, they threatened to put mamma in a home in retaliation; they know that I never want my Mother to have to go into a home. I have worked so hard to make Mamma safe, happy, and comfortable; things my family finds to be unimportant for us; they surely find that important for themselves. I am sorry, I cannot forgive them until this is all over. I get furious when I am hurting so bad i cannot provide care for my mother, thinking how our family has the ability to provide for all the needs if everyone contributed. They absolutely provide no care for Mamma at all. One of them cuts the yard once a year. The other said to me that he prays 1, no 3 times a day and considers that helping. One brother does help me when i ask, building a ramp, fixing a light or sink. His wife cooks us a meal once or twice a month; i consider her to be the only one who really cares. They live only 8 miles away, the others live 50 miles away. I learned not to expect any help from anywhere, not even our church family, Ha ha. but as you can tell, i am filled with pain, misery, and anger. My mother sacrificed so much for me, i will do the same for her. Especially when i know that without my help, she would get none at all.
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if I were you I would photograph each room with all its details including the cellar & attic & outside—that way you can still remember as you look at the pictures all the enjoyment you experienced there all those years. Houses & furniture etc are just ‘things’ & they can’t bring back the happiness you had growing up there; but if you had pictures of everything you can always reminisce about what a great time when everyone was there & how much you loved this & that about the house & growing up there. Just keep maybe one or two really treasured items & you’ll have photos of the rest to remember. Hope this helps—I’m in my 80s & photos bring me so much joy—I can go back to my childhood anytime I choose & enjoy the memories.
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Debster Jun 2020
It's nice to hear from someone in their 80's ! Your comments are valuable and help us 'younger ones' put things in perspective. Bless you for many more years!
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Buy the house.
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We decided to sell our family home after we knew Mom would not be able to go back. My parents built it in 1960 and I, along with my brothers, grew up there. It was so hard and many tears were shed during the weekend we did the cleaning out. When we found a love note my Mom wrote to my Dad in my Dad's office, we all lost it. I was so fortunate to have the help of my brothers and I'm sorry you have to deal with this on your own. I won't sugar coat it, this was one of the most difficult things we had ever done. But, I kept telling myself that a new family could find as much happiness and make new memories in the house we all loved. It helped me get through it.

I have to agree with Cindy916 that disconnecting the phone was so hard! I put that off for quite a while. It was the number I grew up with (back in the days of 4 family party lines) and the one I would call daily to talk with my parents after I got married. I still feel sad when I think about it.

The house sold and a new family moved in last February. They have a young daughter and I truly hope they will grow to love the house as much as we all did. I have a hard time driving by but I have other family who still live on the road so it's unavoidable at times. I have to tell myself that a house is a place of memories and I will always have those even if I don't have the "box" that holds them.
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Simple question with maybe a complex answer...are you able to relocate and buy the house?
Purchase the house for fair market value just in case there are problems with Medicaid later. (I do see this might be a problem if the house goes through Auction..if y'all don't get FMV there may be problems with application later if that is a concern)
Keep in mind that Auction will take a % of everything that is sold not just the house..and the % a realtor gets might be less than what an Auctioneer gets.

I would not bring mom to pick out pieces just to pay to store them. No sense in that.

If you can't relocate and buy the house it is a house with 4 walls. What makes a HOUSE a HOME is the people that are there. If what made your house a home is no longer there you have 4 walls and memories.
It wasn't the house that greeted you every Thanksgiving, every Christmas, every Birthday, every "meet the new boyfriend, every "I need to go home...it was the people that gave you the warm hug, the kiss on the cheek...not the house.

But a house needs repairs and upkeep are you up for that? How long has the house been neglected and maybe band-aided as far as repairs go? How many repairs are needed? Is it worth it?

Not having THAT house, home to return to is not what is heartbreaking it is the sense of loss...loss of dad, loss of mom, maybe even the loss of the "what if's" in life.
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You can do this. Stay strong. Mentally detach and power through. Since you currently live so far away you obviously had the strength to leave once. Just keep a few items that are really meaningful to you and your mom.
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You live 1200 miles from your mother’s home and is there a particular reason why you stay where you are? Would you like to move into your mother’s house? Is that even possible? (You’d have to buy out your sisters part, I’m sure). My father passed in January and I am the last of my family. My mom died in 2012, my brother in 2019 and now my father in 2020. I understand fully what you mean by the sadness and feeling overwhelmed. I’m currently working from my mother’s desk and I can feel my family all around me. This is home. Everything I touch to throw away or give away has a memory. Even reading through the checkbook registers before I throw them out tells a story of what life was like then and brings up memories. If you can’t work it out to keep it, I do like the idea of substituting one item of yours for one item of your mother’s. I know the regret of letting go and the sadness. I am so sorry and send me you a big hug.
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Invisible Jun 2020
I visited a friend over the weekend whose house was decorated similiarly to my grandmothers. It was immediately comforting to me, especially after all the changes that I have had forced on me these last few years.
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Everything you value about that house is still true. It is still beautiful, still beautifully built, and it is still where so much happened that had meaning for you. Letting it go to its next owner as if it were a gift, and hoping that its new family loves it as much as you do, is perhaps the best way to look at it. What you get to keep is all the history.

You do absolutely have to get involved hands-on in the sale, do you? There are auction houses that will deal with the whole boiling if you want.
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None of this is ever easy. As someone who went through the process of updating my parents home in order to make it more sellable, going through purging, having a company help with the estate sell, and then using a realtor to help us sell the house, I do understand letting go of many “things” and “emotions.” My own children would have loved if my husband and I could have afforded to buy their grandparents home, but we didn’t have the money that it would require to buy the place and update it to what we knew it would need.

The house was sold to a young couple who absolutely love the house! I visited there about 2 years after my dad’s death (mom passed before him). The new owner asked if I would like to walk through the house to see the updates, or if it would be too emotional for me. I told her that I would love to see what her family has done to make this their home. They had a little boy by that time and she said that she wanted her children to grow up in this house. My heart was so happy to see the changes and to know that the house was bringing joy and new memories to another family. It really was wonderful!

As several have said, “a house is only 4 walls, but a home is made by the people in it and the memories they share.”

Do get assistance with your cleaning and purging (I really like what GardenArtist recommended by using the Veterans owned company and getting help and advice from a realtor. Also, keep only the items that give you happy memories. I inherited art from my artist dad, and it hangs beautifully throughout my home. I have a few antiques and some photos. I like things to have a “place” and “purpose” in my home. If it just takes up space, it’s not benefiting me, and often there is someone who could enjoy it—so throughout the year, I donate items.
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Take whatever has sentimental or monetary value. Store those in your garage. I suggest letting other clean out the remainder, less painful memories. Everything else can be sold to one of those companies that buys everything in the house. Let them clear out the "stuff." Then, get it thoroughly cleaned or sell to one of those companies that "fix and flip" the home. Be consoled that your lovely childhood home can go to create loving memories for another family.
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disgustedtoo Jun 2020
Taking and keeping items that have some value to one's self is fine, but I would not recommend a garage. Most are not climate controlled and your items can quickly become trash. I had this happen with my mother's cousins things (the plan was to go through everything her sister was tossing, hoping to share a lot of WWII items from their brother with local historical societies.) By the time we could get through it all (stuff was just randomly bagged, so it required going through a lot of crap to find "good" stuff!) most of it was ruined. Most of it ended up going to the trash. I am having the same issue in this house/garage. Unfortunately my plans to renovate and then "weed" through all my stuff before finding home for the things I want to keep have been delayed by dealing with mom. Thanks to OB, a lot of crap from mom's condo has ended up there too, making the task even more onerous. Some of her stuff is nice, but I don't really need or want it. Some of it is, IMO, just crap, broken items, fake plants, etc.
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I agree with the others. Remove important items of sentimental value to you and store them.

There are actually companies that you can hire to clean out the house. You can also consider having an estate sale first for bigger items such as furniture. Set it up as a "cash and carry only, no holds, no returns or refunds."

You can take care of this on ONE visit from out of town. (I should know, since I did it single-handedly when I was in your situation.) You can stay in the house for couple of weeks or so to get everything set up.

I sense that it's not the "house building," per se, that is causing you difficulty. It's the fact that many MEMORIES are associated with that house. So, hang onto those memories - and then let the house go. This is the best way to cope with it. (Been there, done that.)
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