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My mom has advanced dementia along with osteoporosis, and severe right hip arthritis along with a lot arthritis in her body. Some days I wonder if she may also have lewy body dementia cause she has a lot of muscles stiffness when you touch or try to help her to move. She walks with a traditional walker. We have an appointment for a wheelchair evaluation in March. I am NOT looking forward to that cause I feel like the wheelchair would just signify that things are further declining. Her past OT and PT thinks she needs a customized wheelchair. Her physiatrist (rehab health doctor) thinks a regular one. I do not have a SUV. do not know where the chair would go. They are heavy. They do not want her in a transport chair. I recently bought on in the summer and showed the OT. She laughed and told me to return it. I told it would solely be for appointments that are further away with more walking distances. It is getting harder to get from point A to B. My dad is useless as all he does is complain about that fact he would have to drive and drop us off to our destination. Plus it is very hard even with a step stool to get her into a SUV. I have a lower to the ground vehicle that is a sports car and not much room for more than 2 people. So it is only us 2 when we go to appointments. I have 2 older sisters who have helped a ZERO amount of time. When do I bring in home health?

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With dementia, walking diminishing, and a plethora of health considerations, I’d put a halt to taking mom to mostly pointless appointments. I saw with my dad that many doctors will keep up the merry go round of visits for less and less valid reasons, the endless “follow up” that leads to nothing. When we stopped many of these appointments absolutely nothing changed. When dad went to hospice care and the huge list of meds we’d been told were vital for years were discontinued, nothing happened at all. Insist on telehealth appointments and consider which ones to stop. Discontinue taking mom places before you get injured, a very real possibility. Consider if hospice might be a help. I wish you and mom both peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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puptrnr Dec 9, 2025
Great response!
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There's no way you should be schlepping her around and with a wheelchair, no less.

She needs telehealth visits, in-home visits, or she needs to be assessed for LTC in a good facility, which can be covered by Medicaid if/when she qualifies. If doctors are saying she needs a wheelchair, then she is probably a good candidate for LTC.

There is no reason to wait for this. She will only continue to decline and your workload will increase. Research a good, reputable facility that has Medicaid beds and also offers hospice services. You may need to consult with an elder law attorney or Medicaid planner about filling out the app when she still shares assets with a living spouse. When she is about 4 months away from running out of her share of cash, then you apply. There'll be no change in her care in the facility.

Or, you resign yourself to taking her to doctors using a medical transport service, which is pricey. I also have arthritis. It is not life-threatening or life-shortening but it is painful. She needs palliative care for her pain. I would not spend any effort on injections or therapy, just pain relief.

Please find healthy boundaries for you so that you don't burn yourself out. I'm hoping you are her PoA so that you can actually make these decisions for her. If it's your Dad, then he needs to step up to the plate.
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Reply to Geaton777
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This is what drives me crazy. We have young people and young families who cannot even afford insurance while our elders go to countless neurologists, oncologists, dermatologists, primary care doctor, infusions, etc appointments which the bulk of the time are a complete waste of time and insurance $. I miss the days when you had ONE doctor. My grandparents didn't have a dozen doctors and 3 appointments per week in which my parents needed the shuttle them around.😵‍💫
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ForWhatItsWorth Dec 22, 2025
It’s not the elders fault. They have been ‘parted out ‘ like an old car. My PCP has not touched me in - I don’t know how many years. Her insurance parent company dictates how many minutes she sees each patient. Whenever I have a question or concern, she refers me to a specialist, also within her parent companies providers. It’s an upsell. And Medicare or my medical pays thru the nose. It’s a racket and often older people don’t realize they are on a conveyor belt, with huge bills being racked up over their poor old bodies.
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As if America didn't have enough illogical things on our tables, someone decided that having old people who can't move visit doctors in person every 3 months was a good idea...even though most conditions get worse not better. Most things- like refills - can be handled by phone appointments. Even thinks like seeing how someone walks can be handled through video conference. If the goal is to keep someone with no quality of life alive...a person with no hope for improvement...it seems cruel to add extra hours of misery to their lives by taking them to a doctor. Take them in the wheelchair on a nice day for a stroll.
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Reply to peanuttyxx
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I would say home health is key now, and palliative care may be an answer. Talk with mom and her doctors now. This isn't sustainable, and honestly it is time now to eliminate what can be eliminated. If mom were seeing a good gerontologist this would already have been handled by the doctor. I sure wish you the best.
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Robert525 Dec 18, 2025
I agree that palliative care is a good option. My wife is in palliative care and in home nurse visits are available.
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If mom were in memory care, she’d have a staff to take care of these things for you. They’d likely have their own in-house doctor, OTs, PTs, hospice organization, beauty salon, podiatrist, pharmacy, bath aides, etc. Sometimes home care isn’t the best. It becomes too much for the family. With mom having advanced dementia, you’re there now.

With home health, you’ll still have too much to manage, especially with dad and sisters being little help. Time to face up to reality, and I wish you good luck as you find the right plan for ALL of you, not just mom.
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Reply to Fawnby
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I was in the same boat. I was chasing the medical American dream with my father and it was causing me stress and making me feel burdened. Being a caretaker means taking care and ensuring safety. Sounds like she may not be safe out? I turned to hospice and my dad has been in palliative care for 18 mos. He has vascular dementia and end stage chf. The support, services, supplies have been a tremendous help. Nurse visits weekly and if I need something I text or call 24-7.

hospice/ palliative care has come a LONG way. Use it to your benefit.
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Reply to AliceLS
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When mil and sil got a transport chair to bring fil home from rehab, the two old girls couldn’t push it up a slight incline thus causing them to call dh at work. They are useless. You can get fold in wheelchairs that go into the trunk of your non suv, or call medical transport companies.

Frankly, however, why All The pt and ot for an advanced dementia patient? Why all the doctors? Besides the dementia, the osteoarthritis has her in chronic pain that docs these days won’t prescribe actual painkillers for. Ya, her stiffening when u try to move her sounds like chronic pain.

Hospice will at least give opiate pain meds plus Ativan versus snake oil antidepressants and new age teachings about accepting pain as a sign of character or stupid pts like mine who said I needed to touch grass when I needed a hip replacement. Forego all that. Hospice will supply the drugs that actually work as well as durable medical equipment like wheelchairs.
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Reply to PeggySue2020
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You do know that you, if you are her POA, can call a hospice service and ask them for an evaluation? That service doesn't HAVE to be referred by a doctor.
If she doesn't meet their requirements, they should at least be able to point you in a direction that would assist you better with these appointments.
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Lovemom1941 Dec 9, 2025
This is a great answer! At some point you are just hauling them for appts to feel that you are doing something. Once they are on Hospice, the nurse handles every need and makes them comfortable.

They will supply the wheelchair and other needs at no cost to her as Medicare pays all charges related to hospice care. Maybe getting a chair triggers the realization that decline is present but the most important thing is comfort and ability to get around at least some.

Dementia is a qualifying factor for hospice so its best to have them come to the house and do the evaluation rather than depending on numerous opinions about what does or does not qualify.
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I'd say now is the time to stop it. The appointments are not going to help anything any longer, and are now more dangerous than helpful. If you have no place to transport the wheelchair, and cannot lift it, there is no point in going for a wheelchair evaluation. Under no circumstances should she have a power wheelchair if that is what OT and PT mean by a "specialized wheelchair". Sounds like she needs to be on hospice or palliative care. In reality, she needs to be in a facility where the physician's see the residents at the facility. You can't do any more, and shouldn't be doing as much as you are. Sounds like your Dad probably shouldn't be driving either. If you absolutely must take her to an appt, call an medical ride service to take her there.
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