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My parents in law have decided to move near us (from 3+hrs away) and try assisted living hostel, they are 91 each and doing well, low mobility but still on 2 feet only (no aids yet, not far off). We've found a lovely low care hostel 10 mins away from us, they offer an adjoining couples room so they can be together. our concern is do we take this option, knowing how rare this couples accommodation is, or go for 2 separate rooms in a new hostel 1/2 hour away (currently being built - available in 4 mths) that also offers higher needs care for later on if they need it. assuming they may actually need higher care / nursing care at some point. So far they are 91 and seemingly indestructable. They are obviously declining somewhat in mobility & hearing esp but other health areas going well. My husband is concerned they will be separated at some point if they go in to the low care facility now. I reckon it will happen sooner or later where ever they go and esp for his mum being 10 mins from family is her preference. Does anyone have advice or similar experience?

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I can share my parents' experience. They moved into a small, 1 bedroom apartment in the Independent Care section of a large facility. They lived together until my dad got lung cancer at 91 and so in the last three months, he moved into the Skilled Nursing part of the facility. So they were still in the same facility, but in different levels of care sections. My mom is 94 and still in Independent Living. I hope she can stay there until she passes away, but if she needs more care, she can go over to the Skilled Nursing section. My mom is five minutes from me and that's invaluable. It would be unusual (in my experience) for both parents to go at the same time or need the same level of care. Usually one needs more help than the other at some point.
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thank you for your reply blannie - can I ask if they visited each other often, and was this important to them? we do have a high care facility also nearby, but it's a different facility, would be a 5-10min drive between the 2, but as both facilities are close to us we could do regular pick ups and visits, but no guarantee (if care is required) that this would be the place the patient would be sent to. I think if the high and low care is available in same place they make an effort to get the patient a bed in the high care area. I would imagine that for your mum, that knowing she is with the same 'care group' / facility would be a comfort to her if she has to go to the higher care section.
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By the time my dad needed skilled nursing, my mom's ability to walk to where he was (across a very large facility) was limited. I'd go see my dad every day and my mom would go a couple of times a week (as I remember). She did not go see him every day. By the time he went there, he was really going downhill, so there wasn't a lot to talk about. He was also very hard-of-hearing, so it was difficult to communicate with him. I visited daily and took him clean clothes and special food treats. We also had hospice, so they came on a regular basis. So in our case, dad was kind of moving towards his passing away and wasn't very social (not that he was ever very social). My parents had been married for 68 years when he passed. I did the vast majority of visiting both parents at that point. Your parents may be very different though.
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thanks again for your input blannie - we've had a breathrough and they've chosen another hostel we just learnt about. there are 2 rooms available and the hostel does nursing care as well as low care. excellent new facility so we are really relieved and it's not too far away. thanks again,
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We have Assised Living in WNY for 3-4000 per month. There are some two bedroom units for couples and they only add 1000 for the 2nd person.
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