My Mom has Alzheimer’s (stage 5/6) and is in assisted living. She refuses to let anyone bathe her and won’t do it on her own. They tell me it is illegal for them to try to bathe her if she says “no”. I don’t think she’s showered in almost a year! What can I do?
Your mother may be progressed too far now into dementia to remain in ALF. This is for more able people. She may require memory care or nursing home care at this point.
IF your mother is well enough to understand you taking her for a sit down talk with administration about cleanliness and hygiene requirements then she is able to understand your telling her that a failure to follow basic good hygiene habits will result in memory care or nursing home where she will be showered by caregivers.
If she can grasp what yu are telling her there's a chance here, but if she's incapable of understanding this, then she is likely needing a transfer to more safe care for her condition.
I am so sorry, and wish you the best.
What is she doing to keep clean? Using packaged wipes products? Waterless shampoo? Sink baths? Does she wear clean clothes? I don't see the sense is Assisted Living for such late stage Alzheimers patients (and their lack of cooperation).
Those in memory care by me are often very low functioning , can not speak .
So they try to keep the higher level functioning in assisted living even if they are stubborn with showers .
My mother refused a shower for a year . She was washing at the sink , using big bath wipes and got her hair done every week . It was ok for a long time .
But eventually she could not figure out how to do her sink bath anymore or thought she already did it .
When the incontinence became worse and neither was allowing help again we started the process to move them . Coincidently they both ended up dying before the move occurred.
I think your best bet here is to follow Alva's good advice in the comments. If your mother can still have a conversation have a sit down with her and the administration of the place and tell her that there are rules on hygiene that all the residents must abide by. If she refuses she will be kicked out and put into a nursing home or memory care facility. If she's beyond this kind of talk, she should be in memory care.
As for old people not bathing, this even applies to elders who don't have dementia. As long as they are able to manage a daily wash up this is okay. Some people become afraid of bathing or the water temperature may be too hot. Even at my age, I'm noticing skin sensitivity and dizziness when getting into the shower. I can't deal with to hot water too soon when getting into a shower. I have to gradually turn up the water.
It's true, they can't force mom to bathe. It's in the patient's bill of rights.
Bring some of your clothes with you and tell her you are going to go in the bathroom first to take your shower and then it will be her turn because you both have friends/loved ones coming to pick you up and take you both out.
The assisted living should have one of those handheld attachments on the shower so that your mom can control the water herself and let her hold it to rinse herself.
Sitting in the shower chair, let her hold the attachment spray down and slowly turn the water on and let her engage and tell you if it’s too hot or too cold BEFORE showering. Let them be engaged more in the process and not just turn it over to someone else.
They tend to have a fear of water being too hot or too cold.
I wish I was there to help you
Most CNAs who are skilled and loving will know how to give a good sponge bath.
I would give them permission to do what they need to to give her a shower. My daughter, RN, says you need to make them think they made the decision. "Mrs M, wouldn't it be nice to get all clean and smelly good and into fresh clean clothes?" Her residents usually say yes to that.