I have to drive more than 20 miles one way sometimes 2 times a day I can't afford it is there help out there? plus I have too mow the lawn and wash the clothes, and clean the house, while holding down a job.

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Pastor, does your Dad realize that for every month he is in his home, it will cost more because of the Reverse Mortgage.... each month, interest and mortgage insurance charges are calculated based on the current loan balance, and these charges are added to his loan balance. Thus the balance owed keeps growing. Have your Dad check his paperwork. Money sometimes is an eye opener.

Your parents are from that generation where their siblings stayed glued to their homes, same with the grandparents and great-grandparents. They aren't going to break this chain.

If you want to help, set only Saturday afternoon to help and do only what you can do on that day... don't kill yourself... if all you can do is go out and get their groceries and throw in a load of wash, so be it.

If your parents complain, tell them there is just one of you with TWO houses to maintain.... tell them you need help... what do THEY suggest. Usually it will take work not being done to make this an eye opener because right now they see everything being done, so what's the problem??? As our parents age they don't realize how much time is involved.
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Given your name, I assume that you are a pastor. This would mean to me that your time is already filled up and you are really spreading yourself thin in trying to help them. However, it does not look sustainable.

Are you their only child?

If not, would your siblings meet with you to come up with a plan?

Set boundaries!

If they need more help at home, hire some caregivers to come in.

Who has durable and medical POA for your parents?

How old are they and how near retirement are you?
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I agree with ff -- this is crazy. Are Dad and Mom together?

I think Dad needs to use some of the money they got with the reverse mortgage to hire the lawn work done, and the cleaning, and the laundry, and maybe arrange some kind of meal program, whether that is something like meals on wheels or stocking the freezer with some of the better prepared dinners. Expecting you to spend up to an hour-and-a-half in your car everyday on top of the time you spend there is ludicrous.

Be upfront with them about the money concerns. That driving is getting expensive. Let them know.

Encourage them to hire routine tasks done by someone else. It doesn't take a daughter to do laundry. Then maximize your time with them with things that can't be hired out, like eating a meal with them, playing scrabble, looking through photo albums. Love them as only a daughter can.
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Stop enabling him. Set your boundaries and stick to them. Twice a week would be plenty and more than many would do. Twice a day is pure craziness!
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No he has a reverse mortgage, and he wont leave.
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Your profile says your Dad has Alzheimer's/Dementia.... may I ask why do your parents still live in home that has a lawn that needs mowing? Can't they afford to pay a lawn mowing service and a cleaning service for inside? If not, then that means this house is too much for them. Time to downsize, sell the house, and take the money and use it for a nice independent senior apartment.

I know, easier said then done. I finally had to set boundaries with my parents who refuse to move. Told them I no longer have the energy [do to my age and health] to take care of their house.

My parents think because I am still employed I should be able to do all this stuff. Big difference between sitting behind a computer most of the day and mowing a lawn in 90 degree weather !! I am now a bystander and would help them find a lawn service and cleaning service if they needed one.
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