As POA, shouldn't I be present when my father sees the doctor?

First, be happy that your brother wants to help care for your father. You may need his assistance more than you might think later on.

Second, thank your brother for wanting to help and suggest that you need to share information to be sure you both keep current on all your father's needs, meds, and medical issues. Perhaps you can exchange emails or use some electronic storage, like box, to share a joint file of all medical records and visits. Otherwise fax each other pertinent records and each of you keep your own paper file.

Your father may live a long time and his care will get more and more overwhelming. Sharing the physical and emotional burdens can help a lot.

My sisters have POA and HIPPA authorities, I do not. I am happy to let them take on those concerns, while I do errands and other time-consuming things that have less importance. Delegation by category can be really helpful in caring for an aging parent. If your brother really likes taking your father to the doctor you may want to let him do more of it. As long as there is communication about the medical issues, you may be glad to have something off your plate and on his.

Of course, I do not know the details of your situation, but think about it. Sometimes it is better not to have complete control and complete responsibility.

Do you have medical power of attorney?

Has your dad listed your name as a contact for medical records?

If your dad hasn’t given permission for medical information to be released to you, then by law, HIPPA won’t allow you to be involved.

Is there a mix up in communication between your dad’s doctor and your brother?

Does your brother have access to your father’s medical records or is he simply interfering and has a lack of respect for you.

Is he trying to be involved because of genuine concern?

What do you feel about your brother’s motives?

Do you have a good relationship with your brother?

Can you clarify these issues a bit more.

Best of luck in resolving your situation.

I would first work really hard to be able to work with your brother as a team, rather than opponents on opposite teams.
Perhaps your brother needs to feel as though he's doing something meaningful for dad, and it sounds like you also feel the need to be there for dad....
Don't make the mistake of turning what should be a family effort into a family feud because when dad's gone, you'll both regret it, and will have to live with it..
Ask yourself this - why is it so important that only I control what happens with my father's care?
Rather than attacking your brother, tell him you need his help, make him feel he's part of the team, and things will flow smoothly.
Trust me, your anger about this issue won't mean a thing when dad's gone, and it's just you and your brother........Save yourselves the guilt and agony now, and work together. It doesn't matter who's "in charge" I hope you can find a way, best wishes........

Call the MD and explain you are POA and that your Dad has a poor memory. Ask if he would like a list of all medications or needs any history. Is this a new doctor? Is there a reason that Dad is going alone or with your brother? Are you and your brother extranged? There must surely be more to this story we are missing. Wishing you good luck. Hopefully this doc, if new, has asked Dad for permission to access his old records. Do remember, if your Dad is AT ALL competent he is free to make MD appointments and take whomever he wishes along with him.

The doctor should have the POA on file. If he doesn't, make sure he gets it.
Has your dad been declared incompetent? If not, your POA doesn't mean anything yet. It's only when he either agrees to let you take over his medical decision-making or is declared incompetent to make them himself that the POA goes into effect.

POA and HIPPA are two different things. Your dad may have been talked into giving your brother permission to know his medical information, but you as the POA should be the one making any decisions about his care if he isn't competent. (Technically, if he isn't competent to make medical decisions, he shouldn't be considered competent to sign HIPPA papers either.)

I have a list of all meds my parent takes and keep it up to date. I have notes on the list of certain medical events that have taken place (surgeries, vaccines, dates meds changed from one thing to another).

If your brother is good about relaying to you what the doctor said, then accept his desire to do this task for you. Or ask the doctor if they have a patient portal where you can log on and see the health summary for the visit. You can review test results, reason for visit, and other information. You can also send messages to inform dr of something you want him to know before dad arrives for the visit.

If you show any indication of being a control freak over certain things brother tries to do, you are going to lose his help. If his taking dad to doctor has not resulted in any major medicine changes or other issues like that - try to go with the flow. Accept help wherever you can get it

sbopie, may I ask if you are your Dad's son or his daughter? If you are his daughter, usually males don't want a female in the exam room with them as there is personal things they may want to talk about with the doctor.

I see no problem with your brother taking your Dad to the doctor, be glad your brother is help out. The doctor is going to have all the information from previous appointments. Such as what meds your Dad is taking from other doctors. Everything is electronic between doctors in today's world.

My very elderly parents asked for me [their daughter] to come into the exam room with them. It worked out great, as I had a front row seat to their appointment. Later when driving them home, they would chat with each other about the appointment. Ok, what appointment did THEY go to, as it sure didn't sound like the one I was with them :P

I am my mother's POA our senior doctor's appointments are scheduled for the same day, anyway, I have to phone the doctor prior to our visit since he see's us separately and inform the doctor of changes in my mother's behavior an also if medications need to be met. My mother will tell the doctor everything is ok when I know it is not. So I phone the doc and medical staff ahead of time.

I don’t know what state you are in and I’m not completely clear on the dynamics but POA doesn’t necessarily give you medical rites, MPOA would just as POA doesn’t give you power against Dads wishes even when he isn’t competent DPOA would. Now in some states they can all be bundled into one but your basic POA gives you the ability to act on Dads wishes as an extension of him in financial and business matters. A person can have multiple POA’s and or limited POA giving someone the authority to act on specific things like sign sales contracts. For medical stuff as long as the patient gives approval anyone they choose can be given HIPPA clearance or health care proxy and it can be multiple people so your dada doctor may have gotten the ok from your dad to speak freely with your brother as well as with you. I’ve seen it explained well, the Heath Care Proxy makes the medical decisions while the POA pays for them. Of course the same person or people can hold both and I think MPOA does just that.

Im sure there are reasons but short of your brother having I’ll intent I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t want to share these responsibilities and decisions. Your dad gave you POA for a reason but that probably wasn’t to shut your brother out. Both my brother and I hold DPOA/MPOA and we share all the responsibilities. He lives closer, I’m out of state and takes her to most doctor appointments, I make them and do all the conversing with doctors and nurses outside of appointments and he often says could you talk this over with my sister she has a much better understanding of this stuff when there is an important decision. It took some time to get in this grove, I spent a summer basically living at his house while Mom was in and out of the hospital during her stroke and heart surgery and I do go frequently, take her to appointments when I do etc but we discuss everything. I basically coordinate, remind him of appointments and he does the on the ground stuff if you will. We work as a team and it’s better for Mom because we present a united front and surely better for each of us because we are sharing half the load. Who has what authority may not be as important rite now as respecting each other’s place as your fathers children and letting your brother know by your actions that you respect him as your fathers son who wants to help and be a part of things will likely get you more cooperation and information directly from your brother than inserting yourself as POA. Even if there is more to this and it’s going to be a push and pull for power you might think carefully about how you approach things since from the medical care perspective you and your brother may have the same authority, check on what your POA gives you before trying to insert it. Practically if dad is living with you it’s a little different, maybe stickier but still welcoming your brothers help is going to make life for you and dad much easier even if your quietly, gently controlling it.

Thank you for all the advice. I am medical and financial POA. I don't mind my brother taking him I just want to be included. The problem isn't so much my brother but it's his partner getting involved and we don't get along. I feel like they want to shut me out and I have to remind them they can't.