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I mentioned before I'm my father's POA and my brother took my father to see the doctor without me. Shouldn't I have been there? My brother doesn't know all his medical background also what he takes for meds. My father doesn't have a good memory, that's why I'm always present. What can I do about this? My brother keeps disregarding my POA that I have.

It would likely be more helpful for you to be at the appointments since you know your father’s medical information. However, the 1st thing to consider is if your father is still competent and has the capacity to make decisions on his own. Experiencing memory loss isn’t the same as being incapacitated or incompetent. Most medical & financial POA documents don’t come into play until the person can’t make decisions for themselves. While the person is competent they still have the right to make their own decisions or even revoke the POA. The rights you have as a POA right NOW depends on the verbiage in the POA your dad signed. I’ve worked in healthcare and as a social worker for many years and I have to explain this to POAs often.
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Reply to MRSLCSW
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A POA allows you to manage your father’s finances. A Health Care Proxy is for health matters.
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Cashew Mar 29, 2021
I have a medical POA as well as a financial POA. It depends on where you live as to what name it is given.
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Thank you for all the advice. I am medical and financial POA. I don't mind my brother taking him I just want to be included. The problem isn't so much my brother but it's his partner getting involved and we don't get along. I feel like they want to shut me out and I have to remind them they can't.
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It does depend on what the POA authorizes. My mother and father (while he was still alive) POAs gives me duties to handle financial and medical decisions. Neither could ever remember what the doctor told them and I accompanied both parents to their doctor's appointments. If your POA doesn't cover medical and your father is still competent you may need to have the POA redrawn.

I made sure all my parents' medical providers had copies of the POAs. If your father is still competent and doesn't want you at the appts with him, that is his right. Most medical providers have portals now that you can log into which can help you keep on top of his health care, submit any questions or requests. Of course if your father doesn't want you to have access at this time he can exclude you.

As long as he is competent, you can make one decision and your father can nullify it. In the beginning Just because your father appointed you POA doesn't mean he can't act independent of you. My husband has a problem with this concept, he thinks since I'm POA I can make the decisions and my mother shouldn't, but that's not true as long as she is competent.

As long as he is competent he can revoke and redo his POA as many times as he wants. I had an attorney tell me of a client who regularly wrote and revoked POAs. I told both my parents I wouldn't make any decisions without involving them. It's now any major decisions without my mother's involvement until the time she is no longer able to make decisions. I my case this has continued to work well.

Good luck.
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Reply to cweissp
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Whoever takes him to the doctor, if the patient says that a family member can talk with the doctor and staff witness dad's answer then of course the brother can attend., then HIPPA rules are not breached. I suggest if you want to be involved then you make the appointments and become the driver.
An option is with electronic records getting better and mandatory for doctors offices, I suggest that you get a portal login. I can access all of my records including notes that the doctor has left from the visit
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Cashew Mar 29, 2021
That isn't always true. If the patient is listed as incompetent for example.
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sbopie, may I ask if you are your Dad's son or his daughter? If you are his daughter, usually males don't want a female in the exam room with them as there is personal things they may want to talk about with the doctor.

I see no problem with your brother taking your Dad to the doctor, be glad your brother is help out. The doctor is going to have all the information from previous appointments. Such as what meds your Dad is taking from other doctors. Everything is electronic between doctors in today's world.

My very elderly parents asked for me [their daughter] to come into the exam room with them. It worked out great, as I had a front row seat to their appointment. Later when driving them home, they would chat with each other about the appointment. Ok, what appointment did THEY go to, as it sure didn't sound like the one I was with them :P
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Reply to freqflyer
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Oh wow. That’s so difficult when we have family who are like that. my MIL has dementia and has given each of us specific roles. This is well documented by the healthcare teams.
My SIL kept inserting herself and I am the healthcare advocate. My MIL didn’t do “ legal” paperwork but has been well documented her statements that I’m the healthcare surrogate for her.
Ive had to repeatedly tell and document that my SIL is NOT allowed to make any healthcare decisions.
with very few hiccups, every single healthcare provider has honored this.
we are so blessed in that manner.
My hubby and his other sister have very strongly reminded that SIL that I am the healthcare advocate. We all have roles and that one is not hers. She still tries to meddle but we try to stay ahead of her.
i hope that helps
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Reply to JoyfulOne
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I would also talk with the doctor who needs a copy of the POA. Ask for input about this situation. I feel you have every right and out to be present and I would insist on it.
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Reply to Riley2166
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Better have a talk with your Brother. Hes on a power trip for some reason. If necessary make sure the Dr. office has a signed document stating that you are POA and they will share info with you about your Father. You and your Brother need to work together, not against each other. Im sure your Father would agree. If your Brother refuses to cooperate you may need to get an attorney to send him a letter. Hope thats not necessary tho.
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rovana Mar 21, 2021
Assuming dad is competent, then why can't he have anyone he wants at his medical appointments? The POA does not override a competent person. So what is brother expected to "cooperate" with? If dad is OK with brother at the appointment, than that should be the end of it. POA is not guardianship.
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Imho, the answer that you're looking for will depend on the type of Power of Attorney that you possess. If you have Medical Power of Attorney, then you would be the individual (or agent) taking your father to his physician. Also a copy of the Power of Attorney document is ALWAYS kept at your father's physician's office.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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I have a list of all meds my parent takes and keep it up to date. I have notes on the list of certain medical events that have taken place (surgeries, vaccines, dates meds changed from one thing to another).

If your brother is good about relaying to you what the doctor said, then accept his desire to do this task for you. Or ask the doctor if they have a patient portal where you can log on and see the health summary for the visit. You can review test results, reason for visit, and other information. You can also send messages to inform dr of something you want him to know before dad arrives for the visit.

If you show any indication of being a control freak over certain things brother tries to do, you are going to lose his help. If his taking dad to doctor has not resulted in any major medicine changes or other issues like that - try to go with the flow. Accept help wherever you can get it
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Reply to my2cents
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First, be happy that your brother wants to help care for your father. You may need his assistance more than you might think later on.

Second, thank your brother for wanting to help and suggest that you need to share information to be sure you both keep current on all your father's needs, meds, and medical issues. Perhaps you can exchange emails or use some electronic storage, like box, to share a joint file of all medical records and visits. Otherwise fax each other pertinent records and each of you keep your own paper file.

Your father may live a long time and his care will get more and more overwhelming. Sharing the physical and emotional burdens can help a lot.

My sisters have POA and HIPPA authorities, I do not. I am happy to let them take on those concerns, while I do errands and other time-consuming things that have less importance. Delegation by category can be really helpful in caring for an aging parent. If your brother really likes taking your father to the doctor you may want to let him do more of it. As long as there is communication about the medical issues, you may be glad to have something off your plate and on his.

Of course, I do not know the details of your situation, but think about it. Sometimes it is better not to have complete control and complete responsibility.
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Lymie61 Mar 18, 2021
LittleOrchard, don’t ever think errands and those other time consuming things are less important. Everyone is lucky to have you doing them!
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Having a POA usually means a financial POA and does not mean someone is also the caretaker or that he or she needs to be part of medical decisions.
Are you or anyone else named in an Advanced Directive as a medical advocate? That's who would need to be involved in medical decisions.
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Reply to RedVanAnnie
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A POA and a Personal Directive are 2 separate documents. You need the PD in order to make decisions regarding you father. The doctor needs this and often a letter from your father stating that it is ok to share information about his health with you. Anyone can go into the doctor’s office with your dad, providing he allows the doctor to speak to him in the presence of another person. But the Personal Directive will allow you to call the doctor and get info about meds, his well being etc, without your dad being present. My sister and I both have PD and POA for our parents. Much easier to share.
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Reply to DIaneAL
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I don't understand why your brother took your father to the doctor when your profile states that you are taking care of your father. Can you explain?

It doesn't matter if your brother disregards your POA as long as the doctor (medical office) has it on file. The stress between your brother and yourself is not good for your father.

Hope you get this straightened out,
Jenna
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I don’t know what state you are in and I’m not completely clear on the dynamics but POA doesn’t necessarily give you medical rites, MPOA would just as POA doesn’t give you power against Dads wishes even when he isn’t competent DPOA would. Now in some states they can all be bundled into one but your basic POA gives you the ability to act on Dads wishes as an extension of him in financial and business matters. A person can have multiple POA’s and or limited POA giving someone the authority to act on specific things like sign sales contracts. For medical stuff as long as the patient gives approval anyone they choose can be given HIPPA clearance or health care proxy and it can be multiple people so your dada doctor may have gotten the ok from your dad to speak freely with your brother as well as with you. I’ve seen it explained well, the Heath Care Proxy makes the medical decisions while the POA pays for them. Of course the same person or people can hold both and I think MPOA does just that.

Im sure there are reasons but short of your brother having I’ll intent I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t want to share these responsibilities and decisions. Your dad gave you POA for a reason but that probably wasn’t to shut your brother out. Both my brother and I hold DPOA/MPOA and we share all the responsibilities. He lives closer, I’m out of state and takes her to most doctor appointments, I make them and do all the conversing with doctors and nurses outside of appointments and he often says could you talk this over with my sister she has a much better understanding of this stuff when there is an important decision. It took some time to get in this grove, I spent a summer basically living at his house while Mom was in and out of the hospital during her stroke and heart surgery and I do go frequently, take her to appointments when I do etc but we discuss everything. I basically coordinate, remind him of appointments and he does the on the ground stuff if you will. We work as a team and it’s better for Mom because we present a united front and surely better for each of us because we are sharing half the load. Who has what authority may not be as important rite now as respecting each other’s place as your fathers children and letting your brother know by your actions that you respect him as your fathers son who wants to help and be a part of things will likely get you more cooperation and information directly from your brother than inserting yourself as POA. Even if there is more to this and it’s going to be a push and pull for power you might think carefully about how you approach things since from the medical care perspective you and your brother may have the same authority, check on what your POA gives you before trying to insert it. Practically if dad is living with you it’s a little different, maybe stickier but still welcoming your brothers help is going to make life for you and dad much easier even if your quietly, gently controlling it.
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Reply to Lymie61
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Dear sbopie,
When I was diagnosed with Early Onset ALZ almost 5 yrs ago when we'd begun the process of having DPOA's set up for both my DW and I. We've updated them once since then. We have had the DPOA's included in our meldical files with all of the doctors that each of us see. Once they have the DPOA for Medical Records they are only suppose to give information to and from the person with DPOA. We also told our doctors not to reveal information to anyone else unless they are DPOA. That has been accepted by all of our doctors, and they do enforce it. I would also tell the doctor's office that you will be the one making all of the doctors appointments for dad.
Most of my doctors will not even see me without my DW being with me in the room with the doctors.
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Reply to jfbctc
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I am my mother's POA our senior doctor's appointments are scheduled for the same day, anyway, I have to phone the doctor prior to our visit since he see's us separately and inform the doctor of changes in my mother's behavior an also if medications need to be met. My mother will tell the doctor everything is ok when I know it is not. So I phone the doc and medical staff ahead of time.
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Reply to grimgraham4
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I agree with the suggestions that you should work with your brother to care for dad. It is always better to have help, including having him at all docs visits. However, you should let him know that you have the PoA and you will make medical decisions on dad’s behalf. If he continues to be adversarial, you have the legal right to block him from everything, including visitation rights and receiving medical/treatment information. Your docs and other healthcare professionals must abide by your decisions.
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Reply to Worriedspouse
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rovana Mar 21, 2021
Assuming dad is competent, then HE is the one in charge, not the POA. POA is not a power trip, but like an admin. assistant following the boss' instructions.
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I would first work really hard to be able to work with your brother as a team, rather than opponents on opposite teams.
Perhaps your brother needs to feel as though he's doing something meaningful for dad, and it sounds like you also feel the need to be there for dad....
Don't make the mistake of turning what should be a family effort into a family feud because when dad's gone, you'll both regret it, and will have to live with it..
Ask yourself this - why is it so important that only I control what happens with my father's care?
Rather than attacking your brother, tell him you need his help, make him feel he's part of the team, and things will flow smoothly.
Trust me, your anger about this issue won't mean a thing when dad's gone, and it's just you and your brother........Save yourselves the guilt and agony now, and work together. It doesn't matter who's "in charge" I hope you can find a way, best wishes........
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Reply to Nevertoheal
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babsjvd Mar 18, 2021
Good answer , my husband’s family is split because of The Who’s in charge assertions.... family of 6 , oldest believes it’s his right and duty to drive the boat... regardless of what others want. More fuel to the fire, well no it’s more of , let’s stoke it !
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Definitely! First thing, notify your father's doctor and his staff that you are the POA, and give them a copy of the document. Then, inform them that you are the decision maker, and not allow anyone else but yourself to assist your dad with his appointments. The doctor and staff should comply with this agreement.
I had to fire my husband's primary physician 4 years ago because he had refused my attendance with my husband at his appointment, stating that he didn't believe my husband had dementia. I reported him to our local hospital where that doctor was employed, and went on to hire another primary doctor. BTW, my husband is in a memory care facility now, and at the moderate stage Alzheimers.
So, get a copy of your POA, and demand the same with visitations. If your brother gets upset, so be it. He may be only concerned about money and himself. Hmmm.
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Reply to lovepat69
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Yep, as POA you do all the work while your brother flits in and out (unmasked), leaves loose ends, doesn't follow through, and ignores the specific things you ask him to do when you try to be a big girl and stop complaining. Wait. That's my life. (:
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Reply to PatsyN
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Short answer, yes. You are the person authorized to deal with your parent's medical affairs since you hold the POA.

Your brother may not understand the legalities or has other issues about your parent's care or medical needs, You need to talk to your brother. Ask your brother why he disregards your parent's wishes since you are his POA and not him. If you do not make headway with your brother, talk to a lawyer that specializes in family law about your options.
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Tothill Mar 18, 2021
Not if it is a POA over finances.
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Do you have medical power of attorney?

Has your dad listed your name as a contact for medical records?

If your dad hasn’t given permission for medical information to be released to you, then by law, HIPPA won’t allow you to be involved.

Is there a mix up in communication between your dad’s doctor and your brother?

Does your brother have access to your father’s medical records or is he simply interfering and has a lack of respect for you.

Is he trying to be involved because of genuine concern?

What do you feel about your brother’s motives?

Do you have a good relationship with your brother?

Can you clarify these issues a bit more.

Best of luck in resolving your situation.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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Does he have a diagnosis of memory problems in his medical records? You will need to read the PoA to see when its authority is activated. If his doctor has never performed a cognitive exam on him, you should take him to do this soon. Then make sure you take your PoA paperwork with you and make sure every doctor he sees, has a copy of it. Then have a calm and fact-only discussion that even if your dad asks Brother to take him to the doctor, you must go with him no matter what. This consistency is the only way to ensure his best medical care.
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Reply to Geaton777
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The doctor should have the POA on file. If he doesn't, make sure he gets it.
Has your dad been declared incompetent? If not, your POA doesn't mean anything yet. It's only when he either agrees to let you take over his medical decision-making or is declared incompetent to make them himself that the POA goes into effect.

POA and HIPPA are two different things. Your dad may have been talked into giving your brother permission to know his medical information, but you as the POA should be the one making any decisions about his care if he isn't competent. (Technically, if he isn't competent to make medical decisions, he shouldn't be considered competent to sign HIPPA papers either.)
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Reply to MJ1929
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Call the MD and explain you are POA and that your Dad has a poor memory. Ask if he would like a list of all medications or needs any history. Is this a new doctor? Is there a reason that Dad is going alone or with your brother? Are you and your brother extranged? There must surely be more to this story we are missing. Wishing you good luck. Hopefully this doc, if new, has asked Dad for permission to access his old records. Do remember, if your Dad is AT ALL competent he is free to make MD appointments and take whomever he wishes along with him.
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