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do i have any say in his care or any way to get answers about what is going on or does his new wife have all the control? she is not very intelligent at all and doesnt comprehend or relate medical issues well. she didnt even tell he was in there! i found out three days after he was in NICU what can I do as of not he is still intibated and lightly sedated but mostly sleepy from the brain deposits from his progressing liver condition. so right now he cant speak or isnt alert to tell hospital himself to let me help what do i do

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from what i read forgive me if i am wrong; she does not have the right to keep you fro m visiting your father...with medical poa she can make medical decisions and with fiancianl poa she can handle his private affairs but neither allows her to prevent you from seeing your father! An attorney should be able to put a stop to that. You might also see if there are state/fed regulations that protect you in CA ists CANHR (for nursing homes). I say an attorney would put a stop to that because someone that would withhold information about your flesh and blood, your dad, is probably not reasonable and when conflict erupts in the hospital icu they are probably going to swing to the wifes side ....the icu better things to do. while trying to locate an attorney that could present your rights in writing for the hospital staff and your dad's wife, set up a meeting with the hospital social worker. if she is worth her mettle she will have the laws and your rights at her finger tips. please let us know how this works out and I trust that it will. I want a resoltuon quickly ...this is your father!!!!!!
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from what i read forgive me if i am wrong; she does not have the right to keep you fro m visiting your father...with medical poa she can make medical decisions and with fiancianl poa she can handle his private affairs but neither allows her to prevent you from seeing your father! An attorney should be able to put a stop to that. You might also see if there are state/fed regulations that protect you in CA ists CANHR (for nursing homes). I say an attorney would put a stop to that because someone that would withhold information about your flesh and blood, your dad, is probably not reasonable and when conflict erupts in the hospital icu they are probably going to swing to the wifes side ....the icu better things to do. while trying to locate an attorney that could present your rights in writing for the hospital staff and your dad's wife, set up a meeting with the hospital social worker. if she is worth her mettle she will have the laws and your rights at her finger tips. please let us know how this works out and I trust that it will. I want a resoltuon quickly ...this is your father!!!!!!
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I am so sorry to hear of your difficulties.
I am also sorry to hear of everyone
Else's stories.
My mom has worked in the nursing
Field for over 50 years. When her
dad had a stroke the day she meet
With her brother....they figured out
What to do. When she went home
She was crying because she was so
Happy because everything went
Well, she was happy because over
The years she has seen so many
Families fight, she was so glad that
Was not happening in her family.
Well her brother went to the lawyer
Changed everything.....the day before
My grandfather died, he ordered her
out of the room, she was going to
Kiss him on the forehead, he stopped
Her and said she was not to even
Touch him.,....in the hallway she
Meet the hospice nurse and told
Her what chapped....the hospice nurse
Said they didn't even have to tell her
He died....he went on and raided the
Estate....and cusses her to this day.

For everyone reading....no these stories
About dogs but humans.


How people can be so evil to their
siblings and parents are beyond me.

Can they make amins with their
Maker.....I don't really know


If not I am sure there is a special place
In hell for them.



I hope someone can work a miracle
For you to see your father in the
Neurology intensive care unit



May God walk with you and
Support and counsel you.
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melissmisk, I don't think you have many rights as a daughter, especially if there is a living spouse. The ideal situation is for you to work closely with his wife. I don't know what is preventing that. If there is anything you can do to bring about a better relationship with this woman he has chosen to be his life companion, I urge you to do it. If it is beyond your control, my heart goes out to you. We can hope that when your father regains alertness he will ask for you. His decisions will outweigh his wife's.

I have seen some really heartbreaking stories unfold regarding stepchildren of a "new" spouse, in my support group. It is sad and totally unnecessary.

In my case, my husband's three daughters and his two stepsons (my boys) were all supportive of my role in caring for him and in making decisions. I kept them informed and wouldn't dream of shutting them out, but I also knew that I was in charge. At his memorial service they each mentioned how glad they were that he had me to care for him.

We have new members of our support group. They are half-siblings and their ill parent is half a continent away. They are attending the meetings to be better informed about the disease and to better understand the issues being faced by the spouse of the ill parent. It is a large blended family, with step and half siblings all over the country, and they are all attending support groups where they are! That is my idea of how things should be. Whether you like the new spouse or not, working together to provide support for the parent's care should be the priority.

But we don't live in an ideal world. I hope you can work out a more satisfying access to your father.
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Oh, we have been married for over 28 years. I love my husband and find it comfortable to accept that his kids will not do anything when he "needs help" down the road.
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Good point frustrated
I'm a second wife (really a 3rd wife) and the "kids" are not mine, but his.
I've no children myself as my first husband was KIA in Vietnam and it took me a terribly long time to risk marriage again as death really hurts.

My step children are so glad I'm here to look after their 80 year old father. The 2 older children are off doing their "thing" and are now multi millionaires due to their spouses! They travel, enjoy fabulous homes and give a call once or twice a year. Their brother that lives down the road from us is a convicted murderer and is totally dependent upon us for any and all his needs. He is a skitzo and paranoid so obviously not a great person to hang out with
.
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Also, what is NICU? My only understanding of it is "Newborn Intensive Care Unit". The comment was made that the step mother doesn't understand or convey medical information well...just wondering!
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As the stepmom of a 'bossy' 37 year old stepdaughter, I can tell you that she has had a sideways relationship with me since I married her father 11 years ago. She definitely would approach a similar situation with trying to 'go around me' rather than respecting that I am her dad's wife, POA, etc. and that is is his choice that it be so. I can only say, if this helps at all, making an effort to give her her due as his wife may help. If the immediate approach is to treat her as if she counts for nothing it will be contentious. Not saying this is the way it is, but ask yourself if you are being generous. If you are, there is no reason not to share this information fully. Step family situations can sure be touchy.
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How is your father doing today? Have you made progress in talking with your step mother and/or the hospital staff?
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Did you hate your dad's new wife before he was in the hospital? Tell the truth.

Did you give her a reason to dislike you or not trust you?

Have "a smart" person read your post and point out the errors since you think you she is stupid.

Is your dad's liver problem due to booze?I
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As next of kin, his wife holds all the cards but it is unreasonable for her to keep his children from having any information. I would seek advice from a lawyer. Many will give a free first consultation. It is odd that she would not want for you to see him or even find out any information on his condition. A judge might well find this extreme.
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Accept his wife's decision and respect her.
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You received some great and accurate comments from others. I sent you a long message with website links and phone numbers for you to access assistance in your area. Bless you and good luck!
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Given his medical condition, maybe the new wife married him under duress and he was incompetent. If you can prove that, then you might have a case, otherwise, you can write him (it will do you more good than him), but basically you have no other rights to his information. Try being nice to her and see what she will tell you. It might not be too long for your dad, so hurry.
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heightened emotions or not this behavior is sick imo and shows the signs of an emotional and financial abuser. my sisters are welcome and even encouraged to visit my mother and out of respect i only make occasional appearances and leave them to their private time with mother. people suck, i like " alwayslearnings " idea of a mediator and in fact like the attitude that this persons profile name implies. if your not always learning then your an unteachable know it all in my opinion.
unteachable know it all = douchenozzle..
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It's unfortunate and seems unfair but usually the spouse has the final say or his power of attorney.
My mom is my grandpa's power of attorney. She is very negative, hostile and difficult to work with. I am my grandpa's caregiver Monday-Friday and my mom doesn't want me to become one of my grandpa's power of attorneys because she wants the superiority and wants to control everything. Unfortunately, I don't have a say in it even though I take care of him, cook and prepare his meals, give his meds, take him to daycare, help assist with his bath, do his laundry, hygiene, etc. All my mom wants to do is sit and complain and have something negative to say about what I do and she talks bad about me to other family members.
My mom didn't even tell me when my other distant relatives passed on. I had to hear it from other family members. My mom didn't even tell me when my grandma was sick when she was alive. She has lied and betrayed me and turned some of my family against me. That is the kind of mother I had. All I do is stay strong and keep moving forward and let "God" handle the rest.
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Danna24 is right -- the issue here is a conflict with your stepmother and a third party could help. I'm a mediator so I know there can be conflict over the most amazing things. Your stepmother has her own reasons for her choice, whether or not they are rational or kind or whatever. Those reasons will have to be addressed to solve the conflict. For example, maybe she's afraid of your dad going over to "your side" about something like his will or his opinion or whatever -- in which case maybe she'd be willing to let you see your dad but only when she's there herself. (I have no idea, that's just an example.) It will be difficult or impossible to override her, so you have to work with her.
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Ask for a conference with social services of the hospital to be a go between to try and help you resolve this issue between you and your stepmother. The spouse always has final say, but this might be a way to help you to come to a better understanding with hospital staff regarding the dynamics between you and your step mother to enable them to help you.
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as his wife and if he does not have a living will and he had not given dpoa to you then yes she has last say, will keep you in my prayers
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The spouse and or person with legal authority over your Dad's medical concerns has the final say. You will either need to convince her to give it to you or another family member or get an attorney.
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