do i have any say in his care or any way to get answers about what is going on or does his new wife have all the control? she is not very intelligent at all and doesnt comprehend or relate medical issues well. she didnt even tell he was in there! i found out three days after he was in NICU what can I do as of not he is still intibated and lightly sedated but mostly sleepy from the brain deposits from his progressing liver condition. so right now he cant speak or isnt alert to tell hospital himself to let me help what do i do

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Ask for a conference with social services of the hospital to be a go between to try and help you resolve this issue between you and your stepmother. The spouse always has final say, but this might be a way to help you to come to a better understanding with hospital staff regarding the dynamics between you and your step mother to enable them to help you.
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Danna24 is right -- the issue here is a conflict with your stepmother and a third party could help. I'm a mediator so I know there can be conflict over the most amazing things. Your stepmother has her own reasons for her choice, whether or not they are rational or kind or whatever. Those reasons will have to be addressed to solve the conflict. For example, maybe she's afraid of your dad going over to "your side" about something like his will or his opinion or whatever -- in which case maybe she'd be willing to let you see your dad but only when she's there herself. (I have no idea, that's just an example.) It will be difficult or impossible to override her, so you have to work with her.
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As the stepmom of a 'bossy' 37 year old stepdaughter, I can tell you that she has had a sideways relationship with me since I married her father 11 years ago. She definitely would approach a similar situation with trying to 'go around me' rather than respecting that I am her dad's wife, POA, etc. and that is is his choice that it be so. I can only say, if this helps at all, making an effort to give her her due as his wife may help. If the immediate approach is to treat her as if she counts for nothing it will be contentious. Not saying this is the way it is, but ask yourself if you are being generous. If you are, there is no reason not to share this information fully. Step family situations can sure be touchy.
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melissmisk, I don't think you have many rights as a daughter, especially if there is a living spouse. The ideal situation is for you to work closely with his wife. I don't know what is preventing that. If there is anything you can do to bring about a better relationship with this woman he has chosen to be his life companion, I urge you to do it. If it is beyond your control, my heart goes out to you. We can hope that when your father regains alertness he will ask for you. His decisions will outweigh his wife's.

I have seen some really heartbreaking stories unfold regarding stepchildren of a "new" spouse, in my support group. It is sad and totally unnecessary.

In my case, my husband's three daughters and his two stepsons (my boys) were all supportive of my role in caring for him and in making decisions. I kept them informed and wouldn't dream of shutting them out, but I also knew that I was in charge. At his memorial service they each mentioned how glad they were that he had me to care for him.

We have new members of our support group. They are half-siblings and their ill parent is half a continent away. They are attending the meetings to be better informed about the disease and to better understand the issues being faced by the spouse of the ill parent. It is a large blended family, with step and half siblings all over the country, and they are all attending support groups where they are! That is my idea of how things should be. Whether you like the new spouse or not, working together to provide support for the parent's care should be the priority.

But we don't live in an ideal world. I hope you can work out a more satisfying access to your father.
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The spouse and or person with legal authority over your Dad's medical concerns has the final say. You will either need to convince her to give it to you or another family member or get an attorney.
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heightened emotions or not this behavior is sick imo and shows the signs of an emotional and financial abuser. my sisters are welcome and even encouraged to visit my mother and out of respect i only make occasional appearances and leave them to their private time with mother. people suck, i like " alwayslearnings " idea of a mediator and in fact like the attitude that this persons profile name implies. if your not always learning then your an unteachable know it all in my opinion.
unteachable know it all = douchenozzle..
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Given his medical condition, maybe the new wife married him under duress and he was incompetent. If you can prove that, then you might have a case, otherwise, you can write him (it will do you more good than him), but basically you have no other rights to his information. Try being nice to her and see what she will tell you. It might not be too long for your dad, so hurry.
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You received some great and accurate comments from others. I sent you a long message with website links and phone numbers for you to access assistance in your area. Bless you and good luck!
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As next of kin, his wife holds all the cards but it is unreasonable for her to keep his children from having any information. I would seek advice from a lawyer. Many will give a free first consultation. It is odd that she would not want for you to see him or even find out any information on his condition. A judge might well find this extreme.
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I am so sorry to hear of your difficulties.
I am also sorry to hear of everyone
Else's stories.
My mom has worked in the nursing
Field for over 50 years. When her
dad had a stroke the day she meet
With her brother....they figured out
What to do. When she went home
She was crying because she was so
Happy because everything went
Well, she was happy because over
The years she has seen so many
Families fight, she was so glad that
Was not happening in her family.
Well her brother went to the lawyer
Changed everything.....the day before
My grandfather died, he ordered her
out of the room, she was going to
Kiss him on the forehead, he stopped
Her and said she was not to even
Touch him., the hallway she
Meet the hospice nurse and told
Her what chapped....the hospice nurse
Said they didn't even have to tell her
He died....he went on and raided the
Estate....and cusses her to this day.

For everyone these stories
About dogs but humans.

How people can be so evil to their
siblings and parents are beyond me.

Can they make amins with their
Maker.....I don't really know

If not I am sure there is a special place
In hell for them.

I hope someone can work a miracle
For you to see your father in the
Neurology intensive care unit

May God walk with you and
Support and counsel you.
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