As an only child what do I need to plan for mom (96 w/Alzheimers) knowing she will never be willing to move to a facility?

Do you have her healthcare POA? If not, I'm not sure what you're legal stance is. Nevertheless, because you live above her and not with her, consider the following possibilities: she could fall and break her hip; she could wander- leave the house at 2 AM (60% of AD patients do); she could leave the stove on and start a fire (you, living above her, would be in jeopardy). All of this could happen without your knowledge. These are scary circumstances, but they are real possibilities.

She's not in denial, she really believes she's fine. To keep you and her safe, she needs a new "home". If you're concerned about relinquishing your caring for her by placing her in a care facility, consider that by doing so you ARE taking care of her. She will be safer, have her meds managed, meals provided, and 24/7 observation by a trained staff while still allowing her some independence.

Good luck, vickyl.

How old are you?  What happens if you need surgery or become ill?   It is time to look at facilities.

I agree with the wisdom posted by the others. If she has ALZ she is no longer capable of making rational decisions. You must do what is best for her...and you. I'm an only child also. I can only do so much. I'm only willing to do so much. Newer facilities that are well-run can be awesome places. Your mom probably remembers the horrible NHs of the old days, so I don't blame her. Finding the right place that is close to you will give you peace about it.

You have to get out of the mindset that she has a choice and she gets what she wants. That is no longer the case. It is what is best for her care. She may not like it but ...again it is no longer her choice.

Her safety and well being are at this point your primary consideration.

Nobody I’ve ever encountered (except me) “wanted” to enter residential care, but my mother loved and was loved by every caregiver she had in her 5 years in SNL care.

My present loved one was not able to stay safely in her life long home, and has adjusted reasonably well in AL.

At 96, with multiple issues, it’s time to take charge. AlvaDeer’s recommendations are sound. Follow them with confidence.

With Alzheimers, and at 96 years of age, it becomes honestly no longer a matter of "being willing". You say you are an only child. That means that you are in charge now for keeping your Mom safe and comfortable as you are able without giving up your own life to do so. That means that you will likely need to assume guardianship if you are not already her POA for medical and financial decisions. You will then, either alone or with the help of a fiduciary you will hire, take on the making of decisions for someone who is no longer able to make those decisions. You will be making those decisions for your Mother AND for yourself, and you will have to the forefront (hopefully) that you have a right of your one and only life going forward. Good luck.