As an adult child and caregiver of my mother, what rights do I have to inheiritance of mom's possessions upon her death?

Unfortunately, some who take care of their parents feel all inheritance should be their's. This, in turn, creates alot of trouble and resentment between siblings. We can't all have Mom or Dad living with us. Some sibs just can't take care of the parent, some sibs want to be totally in control, some want nothing to do with the parent.. None of this has anything to do with inheritance. If your Mom has a will she can designate who gets what, if not the courts will. But if Mom is still alive, why not just ask for something that is special to you but make sure sibs get something nice too. All the material possessions in the world are not worth the loss of a loving and caring brother or sister. Think about it.

Your real problem is the animosity that is building between you and your sister. You might not want to hear this, but you are contributing to the problem in at least two ways: (1) "staying out of it" while things get worse means you are failing to see, and you're passing up, opportunities to solve conflict as they come up; and (2) your own belief that you "should" get first pick of your mom's possessions means that you've got objects and relationships mixed up with each other. If YOU think that your mom living with you means you DO deserve "first pick," then don't be surprised that your sister thinks there's something to resent! You need to untangle these things in your head and heart, and work out your relationship with your sister. Your goal should be that when your mom dies you feel good about the distribution of assets not INSTEAD OF but AS PART of the more important legacy, namely loving relationships with your sibs for the rest of your lives. I'm not saying, be a martyr and let things happen that YOU will resent -- that wouldn't be good for your futures either. I'm saying, work towards the goal of good relationships, and that will INCLUDE a fair distribution.

My Mom passed soon to be 4 yrs ago at 92 and there were still 7 siblings (or spouses)who took equal care of her for 4 yrs. She went around the house for yrs. with masking tape and put the name of the person who was to receive that item. She had a will and signed all of her estate to her children, with us letting her live in the home until her death (she passed in her own bedroom). She gave each of us a 1 time gift of $ and put the rest in her name and 1 of the siblings for CDS and such and for land to be sold was in all our names also. Even the lawyer we took everything to said My Mom dotted each I and crossed each T, we didn't need him for anything. And she had a living Will and Living Trust. But have them do this no sooner than 5 yrs before their passing, depending on the State Law. This was in Virginia. Everything went smooth as clockwork in dividing everything up, selling the home etc. Just a thought......

From the movie "The Unforgiven" - " *Deserve* ain't got nothing to do with it".

If your sister is already resentful, then you had better get something in writing quickly, or risk disappointment later when you find out that you have no "rights".

Dearest Kafrco,
None! Unless specifically in the will or if you are executor/executrix there is nothing you can do. With siblings and one holding animosity it will turn ugly. If Mom isn't too far gone, ask her for those small things now. Ask for them as a birthday gift or one time gift. This will raise some eyebrows but unless you are executor who has the rights to divvy up the estate per the will, and what ever is not specifically mentioned, even though you have taken care of her for so long, you have no rights. It's up to the executor.

If mom's will was drawn up legally, and I assume it was, then there is an executor named. Individual items of possession may not have been designated.....sometimes it is written that the estate is to be sold and divided equally among the surviving children. That includes all properties as well as heirlooms. I understand your wanting to have some of mom's possessions because you have been the main caretaker. If she wishes to give you something now, that is her choice....but she needs to let your sister know right now that is her wish....or better yet if she is able to add a codicil to the will and designate certain items go to certain children that would help any future arguments.

Does your mother have a will?

Have you found it and read it?

What does the will say and who is the person who executes the will?

If there is not a will, then it will go to probate court and the state will decide who gets what.

My mother has a wil and has all her finances in order. I have an environment more suited for mom for living purposes. She loves my sister but often feels sorry for her. They have a good relationship as do I with mom. My sister is jealous and often says things about me to mom. I try to remain neutral and not stir things up. Mom has not designated who gets what "heirlooms" but I feel I should have first choice at some things, I would never be selfish.

That's not good for your mom's will not to go into details. Who executes the will?

Your mother's will will tell the story of what will go where. You caring for your mom is your choice, but you should either be paid for it, for take her to assisted living or some other place to be taken care of. By you doing the caregiving, your "salary" for doing so should be agreed upon by your mother and your siblings and you. "Heirlooms" are a part of the will and what happens after she dies. Her care is a whole different story, not to be paid for with "heirlooms".