As a sole caregiver, how do you respond to someone who no longer recognizes you?

I am in that place my friend. I see it slipping as time goes on. My 67 y.o. bride is in the same place. She recognizes her children, but as friends. When I go out on errands and come back she acts as if I’ve been gone for days. “Oh, it’s so good to see you again.”, she says.

I lose more of her everyday. But I never tire of her sweet kisses. Every night I read to her a small passage from the Bible and pray with her, when she gets in bed. I’ll do so as long as she’s still in this earth.

It is a lonely life from the bride I once knew. But she’s still my best friend!

I host a caregivers support group on Zoom. If you, or anyone reading this post would like to join in, message me at 7-1-9*6-5-0*9-3-6-9.

Being a caretaker is difficult at best, acceptance is the key, as you could be dealing with a new person everyday, a stranger to your LO and to you both.

Don't fret don't expect anything and you will not be disappointed.

Embrace today, do not worry about tomorrow. Good Luck!

The first time it happens...it's a punch in the gut.
However, think how terrifying it is for your LO.
So, When my Mom doesn't know who I am, she at least
knows that I'm the nice lady who takes good care of her.

You will be a Friendly, Safe, Constant for her.
She may not know "who" you are
She may not know how you are related
What she will know is that you:
Say "Good Morning"
You take care of her
You are safe
You don't yell
You don't expect her to do things she can't do
You are there when she needs you.
You treat her with dignity and respect.
Aren't these things we all want?!

If you have to introduce other caregivers work with them for a bit before you have to leave her with someone else.

Eventqally she'll know you as a friendly, familiar face and while it's heartbreaking, it's OK.

Keep in mind that her sense of time will get confused so that she won't know if it's 2022 or 1952. If she thinks it's 1952 and she's a younger woman with no kids yet, then telling her you're her daughter will confuse her.

That's what I dealt with with my mother. She thought she was 16 again and madly in love with her first boyfriend, so of course there was no daughter in the picture. She always knew me by my name, but the relationship was eventually lost to her. I was her pal, her confidante, and her sometimes tormentor when she needed wound care, but she always trusted me and never got grumpy with me like she did with her caregivers.

Perhaps you may want to start now by introducing yourself when you walk into the room where your mom is, to keep it forefront in her mind, ie. "Good morning mom, I'm your daughter "so and so" and I'm just here to get you some breakfast."
That way she will get used to you saying that and hopefully it will stick. And if it doesn't, it's been my experience that even if a loved one doesn't remember your name or who you are, they usually always remember that you are a person that cares for them and that they feel safe with, and in the end that's all that really matters anyway right?

Thank you. I am not concerned about being identified as someone she knows, but more as a stranger in her home. Now, she is pretty much lucid most of the time, but it's very unsettling when she's not, as I know you all are acutely aware of. This is all very new to me, so I am so appreciative of this site, and feel incredibly lucky that I found it. Again, thanks, and I will continue to read and learn from you all.

Can you think through why this makes you “extremely nervous”?

Her symptoms are pretty consistent with general symptoms of dementia, so you continue caring for her as you have, identifying yourself as “I’m someone who REALLY LOVES YOU, and will continue to take good care of you and be by your side”.

The name she calls you, or the person she identifies you as really doesn’t make too much difference to her, as long as she knows you are there for her and love her.

As her care needs change/increase, remember that you don’t have to provide her care alone. Be prepared if/when she needs 24/7 care. If you have some ideas about when you need to offer her more help than you alone can give, it will help you to make that transition more peacefully for you AND for her.

I haven’t had this experience but I can imagine it to be heartbreaking. Please don’t spend precious time time now fretting over what may come, it wastes your energy for now. If the day does come it will certainly be sad, but I’m one who believes that the essence of the person always remains, mom will still be in there whether she’s hopelessly confused or not, and she’ll realize your care and love. I also hope you’ll consider having a helper come in at least part time, everyone in your position needs a break. Our family was blessed by a wonderful lady we hired privately who worked part time and became a treasured help. Taking care of you is vital. I wish you peace