As a sole caregiver, how do you respond to someone who no longer recognizes you?

I so wish my Mother did not recognize me. She showed the devil in her to me today. It has gotten to the point I can only stand a max of 10 minutes with her. At this point I can do nothing right. How is it I know it all? I left today thinking I wouldn't be able to do this much longer and in it all alone.

It will happen but, dont get sad cause you can still treat them the same and tell them that you are a new best friend and you will help them as much as you can. Life goes on but for them their mind has stopped and all they want is for you to be there for them no matter what....

My mother was 95 with advanced dementia when she passed in February. She never didn't know who I was, fortunately, but for years she'd introduce me as her "mother" rather than her daughter. The first time she did that I thought she was joking and turned to look at her, expecting to see her laughing. She wasn't. I knew then and there she had dementia and was confusing our roles.....I became the mother as she regressed to being the child figure.

It may never happen that mom doesn't recognize you. It's more common with Alzheimer's than the other dementias to forget loved ones faces. With all dementia, however, they do regress in time to different decades when they didn't have children, so that's a reason for forgetting who we are or not recognizing us. It constantly changes, too, so tomorrow can be a whole new scenario for mom than today was.

I hate dementia with everything in me. I pray you don't see your fear come true with your mom, and that she knows who you are forever. Best of luck.

Don't worry, she will always recognize your heart, she will always know that you are someone who loves her, even if she forgets your name. I stopped calling my mother Mom and used her name because I thought I might be confusing her if I said Mom. It also helped me cope better because even though she was still my mother, she was not the same "Mom" as before. Once she said to me, "You are such a good person, your mother must be proud of you." I said, "My mother taught me how to be a good person." It broke my heart but in a strange way I cherish that day. Dementia patients "feel" love. My mother also kept her sense of humor right to the end.

It's going to happen, so be prepared.

However, sometimes it comes and goes, depending on the circumstances.

When my mom lived with me, she often thought that I was a nurse, a man, or the another "Andrea" (my name). She thought that she was in a nursing home, and that lots of other people were there.

Now, she is in a nursing home, and she recognizes me every time. It's because I visit often, and made it a point to talk to her and do things to keep her very engaged.

Her not remembering you may never happen. If that time does come, it may be devastating for you but not for her. For her she may see you as someone she is familiar with, even someone she loves, but not remember the relationship. So, realize your presence is felt and it matters to her, and you, that you’re together. Your presence will most likely be comforting to her. Being forgotten by a LO is not a reflection on you or your relationship, it’s a sign of the relentless progression of the disease.

So what do you do if that time comes? You may have to re-introduce yourself every time you see her, which, because she lives with you, will be every day. Something like, “Good morning mom, I’m Jane, your daughter, how are you today?” Even that simple intro may cause problems. She may deny that you’re her daughter. In that case, distract her- offer to go for a short walk or get a drink. Don’t try to convince her otherwise. You may have to revert to simply saying, “Good morning, I’m Jane, how are you today?”. Don’t test her. Asking, “Don’t you remember me?”, or “Don't you know who I am?”, will put her on the spot and cause her embarrassment or anxiety.

Relate to her in a dignified way. I realize your mom is still living with you, but I read posts where the LO is in a care facility and no longer remembers their family. The family may ask, “Why should I visit, my mom no longer remembers or knows me”. This is missing the point. It’s no longer about the caregivers, it’s about the patient and the dignity of life, however, fleeting that may be. Although their LO no longer knows who they are, they, the family, knows who she is. They know the importance of their LO in their lives. That importance needs to be reflected in continued visits.

So keep your mom’s dignity in mind throughout this difficult journey. And touch is important. Holding hands and hugging will always show her that you care.

My wife was in memory care for many months and when I would visit I would merely say, “Good morning, honey, how are you today?” I never mentioned my name or our relationship. When I left I would always say, “I love you”, and she would reply, “I love you more!”. I don’t even know if she knew who I was! But I was someone to her.

Sadly, it happens but you get used to. They can’t help it. My mom calls me by one of her brother’s name. And, yes, I answer to it without correcting her. I know she means to call me by my name, but her brain isn’t functioning well. She absolutely knows I’m one of her 8 daughters but is fuzzy on which one. It’s so saddening, but it is part of this awful disease.

It's sad to say my husband hasn't recognized me or anyone in the family for almost 2 years. The only thing he knows is that I'm someone who takes care of all of his needs. He goes to adult daycare and returns home in the afternoon which gives me a break daily with the exception of weekends. This is a serious disease my husband doesn't even know his own name.

I am sorry I haven't responded to each of you. I spend very little time online anymore, and to be honest, did not expect so much support. I am overwhelmed by the support, and it is very much appreciated. I am aware that my situation is nowhere near what some of you (wow, there are A LOT of you) are going/have been going through, and your insights are invaluable. I am sure that I will be using your experiences and knowledge as time plods on, and for that I cannot express enough thanks. My thoughts are with all who have to travel this journey. Hugs to all