My husband is 65 and fighting lung cancer. His 63 year old brother lives with us. We own the home and agreed to let the brother live here if he pays his part of the bills and groceries (which he does). Our issue is, the brother sits and drinks beer all day long with his friends outside and does NOTHING to help around the house....literally NOTHING. My husband has had MULTIPLE talks with him about helping out around the house but it falls on deaf ears. The brother has a desk at the entrance to our house that he leaves a complete mess all the time, he doesn’t help with ANY housework....does no cooking and no cleaning. When I say he sits outside and drinks beer all day long, that’s ALL he does. My husband does the cooking and what cleaning he can manage (I help but I am still working public work so I am not home all day). It’s really wearing on my husband both mentally and physically. He’s finally told his brother to find another place to live that we have had enough of his laziness and him not helping out. Now his brother is trying to make both of us feel bad about making him move out. Are we wrong here? My husband and I have enough on our plate so as it is, with him fighting cancer and what we may be facing.
But...the expectations as to his behavior probably should have been made clear BEFORE he moved in. If he is a boarder in your home, that generally does not come with chores or behavioral expectations.
Buh bye BIL. Sorry not sorry. He brought this on himself when all he had to do was pitch in and help you all out here!
Wishing you the best of luck with DH's health situation; it's time to take care of YOURSELVES now. You've done enough for others.
I would do a little research about the tenant/ squatter rules in your state.
Here in NY if you can prove residency for 30 days, EVEN IF YOU PAY NO RENT (aka squatting) the owner of the property has to go to landlord/tenant court to have you evicted. Otherwise it's considered an illegal eviction, and the property owner can get fined/go to jail.
Please proceed with caution as you do this, so you don't end up in legal hot water.
At 63 he can collect SS. He can work. There is low income housing. Food stamps. Food pantries. If he has been paying rent, you may have to evict.
These are common issues with people living together and often cause issues to arise if not discussed prior to cohabitating. I know that I heard about these same things from my college aged daughter with her roommates. She learned to bring up these topics when finding a new roommate before living together.
What has been your brother in law’s response to your husband’s requests for his help around the house?
The simple answer to this question is that it simply isn’t working out. It could be a personality issue or do you feel his drinking is excessive and causing another set of problems?
Do you financially need a boarder or were you doing this as a favor to help him out? Is he taking advantage of you in any other ways? This is sort of like loaning money to a family member or friend. It generally isn’t a good idea.
Your first priority is your husband’s health. If this is interfering with any recovery then it isn’t worth trying to deal with it any longer. Is he social distancing from these people? Is your husband cooking for a crew? You are dealing with a grown man, not a young person who is immature and doesn’t have life experience. He many be a nonconformist at this point.
I wish you and your husband well. Take care.
I would stop feeding the lazy drunk and dump his mess in his room.
When people tell you who they are, believe them.
Who really thinks that paying their fair share comes with a cook and a housekeeper. And that they can leave a mess in the common areas. A lazy drunk that's who.
Your husband has given him ample opportunity to shape up and become a good roommate, he has made his choice.
Bye bye brother!!!