Are there low cost options for a Catholic funeral and burial? When Veterans are buried in natl cemetery do they follow Catholic standards?

I applaud you for planning ahead. I say this because when someone you love has died, you are sad and vulnerable & will most likely agree with anything the funeral home director presents to you cost wise.

We had our mother’s funeral prepaid. I am pretty sure the funeral director arranged the Catholic mass as part of his fee because the only thing I had to do was meet with the women at church a day or two prior to choose the hymns. That was 6 yrs ago. We had a viewing only the night before the Mass & burial. It cost $10000 in 2016. We already had the plot from when my dad died. So if it’s a new grave, that too costs.

Fast forward to today. My brother passed away 6/8 &I had to cremate him. I am having a Catholic burial Mass for him next week. I arranged the Mass myself and it is not free. I am having an organist, singer and the priest and the fee for the organist and singer individually is $150 apiece.

For me, cremation is the way to go. Those fees vary state to state. Initially the blood sucking funeral director who called me less than 24 hrs after I found out my brother passed who informed me they would handle it for $4-5K. I told him that he was crazy & what my bottom line was and he called me back the next day stating he had been “authorized “ to charge $2500. I never returned his call.

I have 2 more things to check on - whether my brother’s cremains have to be in an urn for the Mass, and flowers.

If I want my brother’s cremains buried with my parents it will cost $1000 to dig the hole and place the ashes.

Funerals are one huge rip off, if you ask me.

Everything extra costs $ planning a funeral. I again applaud you for thinking ahead. When my mom did pass away the funeral home came to retrieve her quickly and we had no Issues whatsoever.

I do believe a VA Cemetary will allow a priest to come to the grave for the final Catholic blessing.

Best wishes to you!

You can only have a committal service at a national cemetery, they don’t allow funerals or viewings. My FIL was just buried in a national cemetary. You meet along the front of the cemetery until a staff member leads you to a committal shelter away from the gravesite. The committal service is about 20 minutes long, someone from the V.A spoke briefly, a relative gave the eulogy and then military staff did the flag ceremony where they unfold it and then refold it and present it to a family member. After that, if you want to watch the actual burial, you get back in the car and drive to the part of the cemetary your loved one will be buried.

Is he a member of a church? Yes, it makes a difference. Non members in my parish pay more.

So become a member of a local parish. It is preferable. You don’t have to have a funeral at funeral home if you don’t want.

The options are a viewing at the church for just a couple of hours before mass or a graveside service, (shorter than a funeral mass) at the cemetery. You can rent casket if you don’t want to buy if you are going to cremate but want a viewing. The Catholic Church does approve of cremation and that is cheaper.

If you do a funeral home it will cost more, but if you do then the priest can say mass at the funeral home. We did that for my dad.

We did graveside service at cemetery, no viewing at church, for my brother who was cremated.

Most people give clergy some money, (donation to church) Catholic clergy or Protestant too. This isn’t mandatory but recommended. You can call church secretary and she will tell you the range that most people pay.

My uncle was Catholic and WW11 vet and the veteran cemetery was important to him. Do the veteran cemetery. You will save money, honor him for his service, receive a flag which is a beautiful tribute and very meaningful to those who served.

Catholics do not require that you are buried in a Catholic cemetery. A veteran cemetery is acceptable. Like I said if you really want to keep it simple just do a graveside service at the cemetery. The priest will meet you there. Sometimes it’s a deacon if the priest can’t make it.

Hope this info helps. Best wishes to you and your family.

First off - you do Not have to do a funeral home. Many are now getting away from that. Next, you can do Cremation in the Catholic standards and it will run $1500 and up, mostly depending on the Urn and who does the cremation. You do Not have to do Embalming, nor do you have to have the person dressed for cremation. My father was Jewish, so he had to be buried but without embalming. My DH was Protestant and he agreed to cremation and I refused the embalming.

Personally, I turned to a LivingUrn https://www.thelivingurn.com/ and this site was the most reasonable and they were extremely helpful. The tree, should you order one, is guaranteed to live. How do I know? Mine died due to a freaky winter; it leafed out and when winter returned, it just died. I was sent a replacement tree as soon as I answered a few questions. The new tree is thriving!

Cremation and Urns do not need a Burial Plot and all Cemeteries have areas for the Urns. At the moment, my DH's ashes are still on my hearth and at home. You can even hold your mother's ashes (or your father's, whoever goes first) and they can be interred together in one Urn. The Crematory will put the ashes into a temporary plastic urn and you can keep them like that indefinitely. You do not have to purchase an Urn right away.

I have a plot and a tombstone already, but I am not ready to do anything with my DH's remains - so they sit safely on my hearth for the time being.

I will say what I hope won't be offensive, but you can only afford what you can afford. Even conservative Catholics get cremated. Call and talk to your Priest. No one wants their kids to go in debt for a funeral. Honoring his wishes to the best of your ability is all you can do. Don't put yourself in debt for the rest of your life. Ask if your mom's plot, when the time comes, can be converted to a double spot and have his ashes, which you will have to save, interred with her casket. We did that for a family friend who wanted his cremains interred with his wife's casket as she had predeceased him. Don't ruin your life, please. God knows His own.

If they are Conservative Catholics, did they attend a regular church in their area? If so then I would speak to the priest and see if you can get a discount on the services. If you or them don't have the money for a fancy service, you may think of another way of memorializing him and explain this to him. As a veteran I would think that they have a variety of practices because soldiers have different beliefs. Check out all your resources and then start cutting cost from there.

Good Luck

The correct name of the You Tube channel is "Ask a mortician".

Since money is issue, I would suggest that you have him cremated take his ashes to his local catholic church and have the priest bless them. When the person dies and there is a church service they are preaching over a dead person, so it would be the same doing this over the urn.

I am Catholic. It is in our catechism that we are allowed to be cremated but we are supposed to have the ashes buried or in a mausoleum.

That being said, it doesn’t hurt to speak to a priest. Some priest are more liberal and make exceptions.

At our church we do the charitable thing, the parish will pay for it if the family cannot afford it. So by all means, speak to your parish priest.

My dad was buried at a National Cemetery, and my parents' pastor officiated the ceremony. We also held a memorial service at their church. I don't know why a priest couldn't do the same, though perhaps not with a full Mass. Could you call their church to find out?

I don't remember the out of pocket cost, but I know it was inexpensive.

Eligible veterans can also qualify for Burial Benefits if they are to be buried in a civilian cemetery. Check the VA website.

Also, if your dad is eligible for burial at a National Cemetery, you mom should be eligible as well.

I'm not sure if they charge for using the Chapel on base but something to call and check. I attended a lot of funerals on NAS Pensacola. Cars would be lined up waiting for their "turn" to have the service at the grave site. To make matters worse, all but one of them had requested a chaplain to be there to do the graveside service. They just didn't show up and the mortician did it instead. Now if you have a Priest I'm assuming he can do it for you at little cost. So "if" you have your own priest I'd call the base or cemetery and ask them. They should be able to answer your questions.

Your Dad doesn't have any money left? No house? no bank account? Nothing in "Unclaimed Funds"? No life insurance policy? Remember that Medicaid only cares about income not assets so he could have some asset that can be sold. However that would throw you into probate which costs money. Better to find the assets now and sell them. This might mean the house that your mother is living in. You could move her in with you (are you an only child?). or a close by apartment that is easy for her to care for. The National Cemetery will bury for free your Dad and later your Mom. They will put the correct Catholic emblem on the grave. See https://www.cem.va.gov/cem/hmm/emblems.asp

My siblings and I did not do the traditional funeral home for Mom. Instead, we used a cremation service. Then we had a memorial service at a Catholic Church chapel. The cremation service charged $1600 for the cremation and a McKensey (sp?) urn, which does not require a vault at the cemetery where Mom will be buried (cuts down on cost, too). The chapel didn't cost anything. We had our own priest (friend of my brother) do the service. We gave him $100 as a thank-you, and then another $50 to someone who helped at the church. If we used the church for the service, it would have been $400, which includes the priest. We elected to use the chapel instead. Much more intimate. It held 50 people. We have not taken care of the burial yet, but I know for an urn (as opposed to a casket), it would be $1900 to open and close the grave and included the vault. I don't know yet what the charge is without the vault. Then we will have to pay for the name plate. That may be $1000. The average cost of a funeral through a funeral home in the state of MD is $10,000. So we avoided that. Check with the VA about burial benefits for a veteran. I haven't done that part for Mom yet. As a spouse, she would get a little something.

My inlaws are buried at a National Cementary. Because of its size, they had to be cremated. The plaques used can have any religious emblem you want. We had a graveside service with a minister officiating. There was also a service done by the military. Afterwards we went to a friends home for the luncheon.

One of our members, "Old Sailor" says that there are National Cemeteries that allow regular burials. There is no cost at a National Cemetery. At a County Vet cemetery, the plot is free but you have to pay to have it opened. Plaques are at no cost.

Not sure what you mean about requirements of being Catholic? Being buried at a National or County Vet cemetery only means you don't have to worry about the cost of the plot and stone. If not cremated, you still have to pay for the funeral home getting the body ready, the viewing, and services. The VA does not pay for this.

Dear Dafodil,
Do not "make the assumption that your father would not want cremation because he and your mother are "conservative Catholics' ". I remember when it was a "sin" to be cremated.  I also remember when a suicide victim was not allowed to be buried in "holy ground" which caused horrible torment to their families. I have a family member who had burial plots in a mausoleum in a local cemetery.  She and her  2nd husband bought "slots' in a columbarium at their church but sold them because the thought of their mother being cremated was too painful to her 6 children.  Fast forward to the time when one of the young grandchildren passed away. The mother of the grandchild didn't want her child to be buried in the ground and be eaten by maggots. Now all of the family members are going to be cremated and placed in a columbarium. And these are very conservative Catholics. Catholics have been cremated in Europe for centuries because of not enough land to bury all of the dead.  In New Orleans, people apparently have a "lease of sorts" for space in the above ground tombs. When another person needs to be buried, I understand the original bones are pushed to the back of the tomb until there are so many bones from subsequent burials that the tomb is emptied out. 

If your father insists on you going into debt to bury him in the "style" he wants, he is a terrible father. It's not your fault that he wants a Cadillac burial but can only afford a Ford burial. It reminds me of the parents where when one of them is dying, makes the remaining child (usually a daughter) promise to NEVER  place the other parent in a nursing home. In the huge cemetery in my city, there were originally a Jewish section, Catholic section, etc.  But that is no longer the case. But a priest can "bless" the individual plot if the family wants to make sure that their loved one is in holy ground. Talk to your father and talk to his priest. I cannot believe that either of them would tell you to go in debt.  I think the Veteran's Cemetery is a wonderful idea. Your fathers remains can be near his "band of brothers".  In our State Veterans' Cemetery, volunteers put out Christmas wreaths on every single grave.  Hope this helps.

When you say you checked out the local Catholic Cemetery, did you speak to a human being or just look at their website?

May he live forever! - but when your father does pass away he won't be the first devout but impoverished Roman Catholic to require a properly observed, dignified funeral. Ask the cemetery, or better yet ask your father's priest, where the family might find assistance.

I would be very surprised if veterans' cemeteries do not cater for all religious denominations. Certainly I know that armed forces generally have been respectful of such things for at least two centuries, but I don't know what constraints might apply in national cemeteries specifically.

I work in a Catholic church and know the major cost of funerals does not land at the church. That being said, some (not all, unfortunately) priests will also waive the small stipends they receive if family is truly in need...the same for some musicians who even make their livelihood through music.

Did you know that pre-paying funeral costs is not penalized in qualifying for Medicaid? If the house sells or you find $2,000 (or more) that you want to set aside for funeral costs, do it now.