I joined this forum a couple of years ago, when I became my mom's full time caregiver. Mostly I browse the topics and if it is of interest to me then I will read through. A few I have responded to. Primarily what I have found on this sight is negativity, children that don't like the role they have taken on whether it's from burnout, dislike, overwhelmed. I am not judging, although I have been judged because I have accepted my role as caregiver, and have fully embraced that role and, I have been criticized, told I don't know what I am talking about or that my opinion doesn't count, because I am not full of hatred toward my role or my mother. I just wonder if there is anyone on this forum that doesn't feel that this is such a burden, that truly believes that I have been given a gift and that it's a joy to be with my mom during this time. Friday after 6 years of h*ll physically my mother decided enough was enough, and that she wanted to pass in her own way, not waiting for her disease to take her. We brought her home from the hospital Friday, and the past four days have been full of friends, families, laughter, tears. Watching her face and the joy she receives when people come to see her, just fills my heart. I know this will change and I pray that I have the strength to deal with letting her go, but one thing I will not have are regrets that I wasn't here for her. I treasure every moment I have. Please understand I am not judging, but would really like to hear the positive relationship experience. How do you say goodbye to your best friend? Please keep the negativity to the other questions, there are plenty. Please share any positive experiences with care giving or with end of life and how you get through it all.
I started a Happy Memory Thread. I felt we come here and share all the difficulties we experience with our LOs, why not some good ones?
This forums been a God send to me. I'm so afraid I'm doing things wrong and will hurt my Mom somehow. Or I'm a retched person for my frustrations.
But like you, I just love her so much. I thank God He set our lives up in such a way, that I'm the one who can be here with her, now, when SHE needs help.
My Memories Thread was a way to give our LOs some dignity, at a time when we're airing their dirty laundry, so to speak.
Ok so, my Mom is a real pip! One day we were shopping at Wally world (Walmart) and my Mom was riding one of those electric carts.
There were two ignorant women who had their shopping cart on one side of the isle, while they were on the other side looking at make up. Naturally Mom couldn't get by. Mom said excuse me.....they looked right at her and went back to what they were doing. I was in the isle but not near Mom. Momma said it again, still nothing!
Mom began to back up, she then floored it forward hitting their cart out of the way and continued on. They started complaining to her, when Mom held up her ✋ hand and said...."Sorry Hun, that's just the way I roll!"
This lady still got it! Love her!
Thank you for this thread. You and your dear Mom are in my thoughts and prayers.
I'm sorry, but I can't answer your question about how to say goodbye. I'm not there yet. But maybe, if you decide not to leave the forum, you could help some of us get through it when the time comes. 💜💖
I'm sorry you don't feel supported on this forum. It is easy to focus on the negative and moan and complain .. instead of trying to focus on the positive and be grateful for what we do have. (I am often very guilty of that). Someday I will not be able to see my Mom's and Dad's smile or be able to hug them.. and I will long for that.
I try to remind myself to focus on gratitude, enjoy what I can.. but try to control what I focus on. Positive posts like yours are welcome here...I'm glad you are able to enjoy your mom and feel some joy during this very hard time with your Mom.
I believe caregiving and extreme hardships can mold you into a better person .. if you allow them to. I do try to refocus myself to gratitude and positive.. but occasionally I do need a good vent...which I use this forum for as well.
((hugs))
Mom LOVES family reunions and in the past, she was the one who organized them. Now most of her generation has died and my generation is scattered to different states across the USA.
On the Sunday of the Family Reunion, Mom was alert and oriented and able to talk about the past and look at photos and understand what was being discussed. We had a GREAT TIME! Everyone enjoyed themselves and we were hoping to have a family reunion this year.
Sadly Mom has deteriorated to the point that she does not know who I am and thinks that my brother works in the state we live when in fact he lives a another state.
God gave us a wonderful gift that day of the Family Reunion and I am so glad that my cousins from other states were able to attend. C:--)
The stroke last spring was another hurtle. I had to quit my job to stay with him. My co-workers told me I needed to hire *someone* and keep my job.
I told them this. Being with my husband now is more important than the job.
Our time may be limited.
There are days he wakes up and pees a bit in his pants or on the bed. There are days he just sits and stares. But when I smile and hug him, he breaks out in the most beautiful smile ever and tells me he loves me.
People tell me how 'sorry' they are and I am confused. What we still have is a deep love and compassion that may be affected by cancer and the stroke, but it is still there.
I am not sorry.
I am enjoying the time well spent with my husband.
He may not recall this time in the near future. But I can smile knowing we will have wonderful moments.
My aunt was an important part of my growing up, and she was a travel companion for the first 2 years here with me. I still love seeing her enjoy the antics of our young dog. My mom was with my brother's family then.
My burnout came with a year-long serious condition with my husband, and he could no longer help me stay balanced. Happily, he is recovering now that the cause is known and being addressed.
I hope you find the support you need somewhere now that your mom is in hospice.
Me and my mom (&dad) always had a great relationship. as an adult I loved being with her and doing things together!
things aren't so easy anymore, so that's all I can say.
still im there for her in any way I can. I take my responsibilities seriously. she deserves it.
do I complain = guilty
To be honest though.. it is not consistent joy (not by a long shot).. just fleeting moments.. which I probably will treasure forever.