Are there any elder communities that I can move to WITH Mom so that I can still live with her, but have the freedom to work also?

I am having the same problem with my Mom. Her companion of 40 yrs passed away Feb 28, so not only is she having a very hard time accepting it, her dementia and depression are getting worse. It's hard for me to go to work everyday because she has some very bad days and I am afraid something will happen to her. Thank God I have found a Temp Agency that understands my situation and will put me to work when I am able and understand when I'm not. My point is, if there were places where both of us could move to, either together or in separate apartments, could still have our pets, and I'd be able to work full time and feel comfortable about leaving her by herself, knowing there was help available. I think a bunch of us caregivers should get together and figure out a way to set up a facility like this. I'm sure it would be the answer so many caregivers are looking for!

what is the3 minimum age to live at the heritage park in hanford california.thanks gary

I've called several apartments for seniors and I was told that I could move in with my mother if I am her care taker and as long as someone stays with her while I'm at work. I would google apts for seniors then call or e-mail them to find out what their policies are.

To Ted, I hope you've found something for you and your mother. I love the idea of starting a home for caregivers and their clients, without all the restrictions. I left my life to care for my Mom. I moved in with her (she's in senior housing). The only reason I'm allowed into her home is because she's on Medicaid and part of the "Copes" program in WA. I'm her trained certified caregiver and therefore qualified to live with her in a 62 or older apartment. She requires 24/7 care for various health issues and mobility challenges. Later this summer I hope to move the both of us to an affordable apartment outside of senior only living. If something were to happen to her, I'd be homeless in this current living arrangment, and I don't want to end up begging my elder siblings.

To ghouston: You are in a painful situation, but it sounds like you have a plan. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers and please update us sometime on how it goes.

I am in a similar situation with my dad. However, I am 65 years old and retired twice since 2009 to take care of him. I am being penalized by Social Security for what I earned over the $14,000 limit last year. I owe them $13,000. They are deducting it from my check each month beginning this month for 36 months. I have been trying to get a job, but no luck. I went back to Washington, DC/Virginia area where I worked for past 45 years. No responses to any of my resumes. I think it is my age. I can't compete for the jobs that I am qualified for. So, I am back in Florida with my dad. I hired a caregiver while I was gone and it cost $1,000 just for the day hours. He is only able to remember 5 minutes ago now (he has advanced dementia) and cannot be left alone at all. He went into a neighbor's home last week and scared her badly. The police said that he is not to be left alone. I came back from Washington on Tuesday after being there for 3 days. This was my third trip there to try and find a job. He has been rejected for Medicaid once. He is on the waiting list now for second attempt and the State of Florida Elder Affairs representative is being very helpful. I have an appointment with one of our nursing homes here this week to see if he qualifies for admittance now without being hospitalized. His income is $200 over the Medicaid limit and I have to put this in a trust account each month when the Medicaid process starts. Are all states different or do all states require have this rule? Also, Florida requires him to stay in rehab center for two months and then we have option of moving him to assisted living or home with the Medicaid covered homecare. I need to start work as soon as I can. I can't afford to go back to Washington so will look for something here in Florida. I don't want to leave him in a nursing home without a member of the family being close by. My friend suggested the Ombudsman program to help out. Any information about this would be appreciated. Thanks. gh in Palm Bay, FL

It might be a good idea to approach a small existing facility (I'm sure they must have trade journals and such) and present the idea as a way for expansion. Or maybe I've just been spending too much time alone with an 82 year old dementia patient!

Well that would be something I'd invest in with you Ted. That's a great idea.

Thanks Pamela, I'm still searching for the right set up and I was thinking of giving "A Place For Mom" a call to see if they had any ideas. You know, If I were the entrepeneur type, I would seriously consider setting up just the type of place I'm looking for. A Community of good, private housing for both the elderly and their caregiver, a place that can cater to the needs of the elderly as well as allow the caregiver to be there for all the family/emotional stuff while maintaining their own independence (and maybe get the some of the support that WE need from time to time)

Hi Ted I was thinking about you and wondered if you'd had any luck with finding anything for you and your mom yet?

I met a man at my Dad's senior community who did just what you are suggesting. Years ago, he moved into the community along with his mother. His mother lived in the skilled nursing part and he lived in the "independent" part. Now his mother has passed away and he is still living there. But you may need to be at least a certain age to qualify for moving into the community yourself, as Carol said.

Thanks, I have tried and will keep trying to find some help, but it just seemed like a good compromise to find a place where she can get all the benefits of an elder community without either one of us dealing the feelings of abandonment. She has a hard time when I'm not around.

It nearly always lasts longer than we think. We head in doing what we think is right, and then we run into these financial problems. I cared for seven elders over the span of 20 years (and a son with mulitple health issues, plus a healthy son). My Social Security, if I were to collect now, is a joke. But who thinks of that when they start caring for beloved elders?

I'd suggest that you look at getting your mom on Medicaid is she isn't already. Then, there are some programs where there is respite in-home help. I don't know if you can get enough of that to go out and work, but some Medicaid programs pay the caregiver a stipend. It's not a lot, but it's something.

Try your state Web site under aging services. See what the programs are locally. Maybe you'll find something that will bring in some money.
Good luck, Ted. This is tough and you aren't alone.
Carol

I'm 47 years old and my main goal is to keep mom with me no matter what. She's 82 with dementia and scared, lonely etc. I've put aside everything about my own life to do this and it's going on for longer than I thought it would. I would hate to give up now but I must start bringing in some money.

How old are you Ted?

That depends a lot on your age. If you are over 50, or 55 in some cases, there may be communities where you can do this. You'd have to check the area where you live. Good luck. It's a good idea.
Carol