My cousin had the most mellow, easy to care for elderly mother (her father passed at a young age many years ago). Her mother rarely complained about anything, and whatever my friend wanted to help her with, such as taking showers, cleaning the house, hiring outside help when needed, etc, her mother would gladly accept the help. And her mother always expressed gratitude for her daughter's help. She also never played mind games with her daughter, was never manipulative or controlling, and never tried to make her feel guilty about doing enough, or about going out to spend a couple of hours with a friend. Her mother was always good-natured, had a positive outlook, and was always smiling and laughing.
Furthermore, my cousin has a sister and a brother who live nearby, and did their part to help with their mother.
Have you ever heard of such an IDEAL care-giving situation?? Of course, I certainly don't begrudge my cousin for having such a wonderful mother! But as I struggle beneath this enormous burden as a caregiver to my difficult parents who are in their 90's, I also struggle with feelings of envy and resentment. I'm ashamed to have such feelings, but it's so hard not to, when my parents are both driving me over the edge of insanity. I love parents, and they have been very good to me through the years, for which I am so grateful, but on the other hand, my mother has a "Jekyll & Hyde" personality, as she has what I believe to be Borderline Personality Disorder, which has caused a tremendous amount of turmoil and anguish for me and the family, and my father is wonderful, but tends to be obsessive-compulsive, which drives me crazy. And I get almost no help from my sister.
From everything I'm reading here in this group and elsewhere online, it seems that the vast majority of elderly parents are very difficult to care for, and getting help from siblings is a very common problem, too. But have you ever come across easy-going elderly people, or are they truly a RARITY? What percentage of elders, would you say, is difficult versus easy to care for?