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We have been together 22 years. We were happy and did a lot of things together. He was in a wheelchair when we met. (SCI). A yr ago he was hospitalized for a pressure sore and also was diagnosed with dementia. I was an EMT and did not notice any unusual behavior. Several months ago, he became very nasty at times and would call me awful names. Several times he struck me in the face. He also tried to break my arms. He ran into my legs with his scooter. I am diabetic and have pain issues with my legs. He is a VA patient but does not go to his doctor. He is 76 yrs old. I am 74 yrs old. At 18 yrs, I got married and had a family with a man that turned out to be very abusive. I stayed with him for over 30 yrs raising my children. The situation I am in today is horrible. I love him and try to help him but what do I do? I care for my mother who lives with us. She is 98 and a half yrs old and has Altzheimers. She is almost bedfast. Oh.. I am blind in one eye and starting to lose sight in the other from diabetes. He is like this several days a week. He refuses to bathe, eat, take his meds etc. If I try to coax him, he gets very violent. Please tell me what you think!!

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Oh, I'm just so sorry to hear this -- it reminds me of a dear friend whose husband was exactly the same way. He, too, was in a wheelchair and injured her more than once. She finally put him in the VA nursing home, because he threatened to shoot her with one of his many guns in the house so they could die together.

Time to contact his doctor and let him know that your husband is a threat to you and to himself and ask him to help you get him into a nursing home. If you can't get through to the doctor, contact the chaplain at the VA.
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Here is what I think.
Everyone in your household needs more care than they can receive living there together.

Here is what I think may work for you:
Get some professional eyes on your situation, more help, more care. Try your best to follow through on any advice you think is reasonable. Find someone who can reason this out with you.

Do not tolerate violence for even one minute, call 911.
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Wow, this is certainly an unlivable and dangerous situation you are in. I wonder if meds would help with his violence but I would hate to rely on his compliance for your safety.

First priority is your safety. Find someone to care for him and get out. Or have him and his mom placed somewhere. You should not put yourself at such risk.
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Here's what I think. The next time your husband raises a hand to you, call 911. Tell the EMTs he's acting erratically & you feel he needs to go to the hsopital. Have him transported to the hospital for a psychiatric evaluation, then refuse to take him back into your home when it's time for him to be released.

Your first priority is to yourself, and then to your 98+ y/o mother. Your husband is a violent man, PERIOD. Regardless of why, he's hitting you in the face and that is UNACCEPTABLE, disease or no disease.

The last time a man hit me in the face, I packed up my bags, my dog & my cat, and left him in the middle of the night, never to be seen or heard from again.

I realize you can't do that, given the situation you're in with your health & your mom's condition. But you CAN kick HIM out by either calling the police or 911.

Please make sure you look out for YOURSELF now okay? Good luck
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