Dad and "Accidents" - How to approach the incontinence topic?

TENA for men is a product that has gray stripes and waistband and looks a little more like regular underwear. Maybe your dad would try them. I found that it helped to pull them out of the package, fluff them up and put them in the drawer in place of the regular underwear. Good luck!

Since Dad was embarrassed by the situation, might think about positioning it this way (only kinder and more loving): No one will know you are wearing Depends (or Tena or whatever). But EVERYONE will know you've had an accident. Which is more embarrassing for you?

Hard to do for certain. Pardon my asking or suggesting....make sure he does not have a loose stool from diet, meds, dirty hands etc. Incontinence products help with clean up but of course will not change the problem. There are incontinence products that help catch the "backdoor" also and you should search the sites for them. Usually found on more specific sites for senior products. If he is still able to feel "embarrassed" that might be your gentle way of persuading him. Also suggest that you have sometimes had a similar issue and you have used the disposables also.
And I agree with above....Dad probably does not see that he has similar traits as the friend in ADC Center. Too bad they can't see the good traits also! Good luck.

I always found it interesting that men will not wear what women wear.... but women have no problem wearing items that men wear. Like, what's up with that?

My FIL had the same problem. I never did "solve it" but I sure went through a rough patch trying to convince him that he HAD to wash his hands after using the toilet ( a big cause of the runs) and he really had to eat less spicy foods, which seemed to make it worse. Oh,and to SHOWER afterwards.

He loved going out to eat....and more than once he'd order a meal, then have this "look" on his face that he'd messed himself...luckily I always had my hubby along on these occasions--so I took to carrying large antibacterial wipes--and alerting the waitress as to what had happened. I would clean up after him (greater love hath no DIL!!) while my hubby waited with dad in the car. I would ALWAYS tip this poor waitress at least $20.

Dad wore "thong style" underwear, so imagine this problem, compounded by that. I wish I had just bought him men's style adult diapers--but this was 13 years ago--I was a novice to care.

In the hospital, they simply put him in "diapers" and no questions were asked.If this were the case now, I would confiscate all his leopard print thongs and replace them with the thinnest of men's incontinence brief. No other choice for him.

This isn't just and issue of dignity, it is a concern of general public health!!!

Make sure dad knows these are MEN'S products. That was a sticking point for dad, the one time I tried to approach him.

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this.It's hard on both the caregiver and the patient and embarrassing but as time goes by,it becomesthe least of your worries,sad to say.My Mom usedto drop turdballs down the hallway on our way to the den.She had no clue and always blamed it on the dog....I used Depends with a huge kotex in them to catch it all.I really hope you find a system that works for you all.Take care.....

My Dad's caregiver will not start my Dad on incontinence underwear because he says once they start wearing it, they won't use the normal toilet. I'm going to post this as a separate question to see if anyone else has this issue. Tinyblu, stay tuned.

My adult son is disabled and has always worn diapers. I was very close to my dad and my dad also adored his namesake - his grandson. So adult diapers weren't a big taboo with us - just a fact of life. I don't even recall how it came to be that my dad started wearing them. My mother on the other hand was a vastly different situation. For several years she wet - and sat in her chairs, car, couch... No one ever wanted to sit down when visiting my mom. I tried talking to her about it and she would deny it was occurring - and when my mom says something isn't so, then it isn't - she could have urine running down her legs. Anyhow - I bought some nice women's depends and put them in her bathroom and one day she started to use them. But then came the issue of her treating them as a replacement for going into the bathroom - even though she still could a lot of the time. She would just full-on pee in her depends, not change them and then continue on sitting down, leaking through...and still no one really wants to sit down anywhere in her room. (Sigh)

Tinyblu, I bought my Mom her first pack of Depends two days ago. She had messed herself trying to get to the toilet almost every day for the past week. I had so much Laundry, underpants and PJ's and wash clothes and towels. What took the cake is when I was at work, I called my husband who cares for her. He said she had an accident and needed a shower. I told him I would be right home. I work 5 minutes away so it's convenient. Although he would have helped my mom, he didn't want to embarrass her. I immediately left work and stopped at the nearby pharmacy and picked up Depends, adult wipes and a package of large pads to lay on the sofa and bed as a preventative. I just put them on her, no questions asked. Today she had them on when she went to the doctor. When we came home she used the bathroom. I stepped out to give her some privacy and when I came back in to my surprise she was pulling the Depends underpants completely apart into smithereens! I asked her what she was doing and she told me my husband told her to pull them apart. I think he told her to pull them from the side because they can be ripped and taken off. She literally did what he said. Lol she did t want to wear them for her nap so I told her she cannot go in her pants. Hopefully I didn't make a mistake by allowing her the regular underwear. Sonce your FIL is having accidents, I suggest using the underpants that can be torn on the side. This way they will be easier for them to be removed if there's a bowel movement in them. Otherwise you may have issues with them pulling their pants down and having feces on their legs. Just a suggestion. Good luck.

Oh the "runs". Dad's caregiver noticed that my Dad has more of an issue when he eats raisin bran cereal on a continuous basis instead of switching off to other non-bran cereals.

Dairy products is another issue with my Dad. I don't know how many times I told Dad not to order ice cream when he is in the facility restaurant unless he had taken his LACTAID® pill first. Seems to go in one ear and out the next. And he's had this issue for many years, so it's not like it is something brand new.... [sigh].