Dad and "Accidents" - How to approach the incontinence topic?

Follow
Share

Hi all.

I fished around the site for some answers to this question, but most were related to urinary incontinence. Today was the second incident where Daddy had the...other issue.

Both times, he did not even realize he had "gone". He stated that he thought he smelled something and when he stood up realized what had happened. I could hear the embarrassment in his voice.

I assured him that everything was OK (I was at my part time job at the time and couldn't leave), but I think we need to consider Depends or something like them. I can guarantee that he will NOT want to hear of this, but it's needed.

Any suggestions on how to get a stubborn, ex Navy man to wrap his head around incontinence products?

Incidentally (completely off topic), I find it ironic that Dad complains about the man at his Adult Day Center with Alzheimer's that asks him the same question repeatedly and wears incontinence products. Daddy calls him crazy and yells at him. Does he truly not realize that he has similar patterns?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
22

Answers

Show:
1 2 3
I used fat burners when I was with the former LA Weight Loss Program, they did make me constipated. Opiods also slow down your elimination
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Another idea I don't think mentioned already, is to have doctor "prescribe" the Depends/Tena and actually write it on an old-fashioned prescription pad "Wear Depends at all times change every 2-4 hours PRN." You can even call doctors office in advance and enlist their help, to plan this "prescription" which is exactly what any doctor would recommend for someone with no bladder / bowel control. Of course they also might need to do some bladder / sphincter muscle control tests, to rule out any treatable conditions. For some women, they can do Botox injections and it will help a lot, but it needs to be repeated every 6 or 12 months. And yes, diet choices make a huge difference for loose stools. Anything with sugar (candy, cake, cookies, fruits, sugared drinks) or dairy (milk, yogurt, ice cream) can cause diarrhea, as well as supposedly healthy Raisin Bran (which are typically eaten with milk).
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

When we first started looking at assisted living, my father remarked that he didn't want to live with old people. They were the same age as he is. Now I understand that it was a fear of being incapacitated and he didn't want to be reminded of the possibility. I guess we are all living in a state of denial. When I look in the mirror, the face that looks back at me isn't me.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Seems to me like your Dad is associating wearing incontinence products with having Alzheimer. Please explain to him that one doesn't necessarily mean the other and that LOTS of people wear them. I liked the answer of the person who said "Which would you prefer - wearing them without people knowing or making a mess and everyone knowing?" Did not realize Raisin Bran and ice cream could cause a problem. Thanks for that info. Also the info about Tena. Took Dad awhile to accept the idea that sometimes he needs the Depends but I guess he now accepts them as underwear because I find the used ones in the laundry hamper.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Hi tinyblu! My dad doesn't have dementia but he does have rectal 'leakage' and because of a partial bowel obstruction, he can have explosively loose bowels...where he often doesn't make it to the toilet...and/or misses the toilet and 'stuff' winds up on the walls and floor and around the toilet. So he uses 'butterflies' that tape over his anus and catches the leakage. For the explosive bm's I am finally getting him to use depends. Thankfully, unlike your dad, he still is cognizant and really doesn't want to have an accident. I don't want him to either as cleaning this up is really not my favorite thing to do! I agree with the others....just take his choice of underwear away and replace with depends. My mom died of ALZ. so I know how hard it can be to keep them using the depends and to make sure they change them often!! I found that if I addressed the issue as if it were not even a choice (i.e. "Please, Dad") or in my case Mom, I actually stood a better chance of getting her to do what I wanted. Eventually she was bed-ridden with a catheter and diapers and the situation resolved itself. I wish you and your family the best, many Blessings, Lindaz
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Honesty is the best policy. I hope when I need diapers someone tells me because I might be too stubborn or senile to realize it as I age.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Tinyblu, I bought my Mom her first pack of Depends two days ago. She had messed herself trying to get to the toilet almost every day for the past week. I had so much Laundry, underpants and PJ's and wash clothes and towels. What took the cake is when I was at work, I called my husband who cares for her. He said she had an accident and needed a shower. I told him I would be right home. I work 5 minutes away so it's convenient. Although he would have helped my mom, he didn't want to embarrass her. I immediately left work and stopped at the nearby pharmacy and picked up Depends, adult wipes and a package of large pads to lay on the sofa and bed as a preventative. I just put them on her, no questions asked. Today she had them on when she went to the doctor. When we came home she used the bathroom. I stepped out to give her some privacy and when I came back in to my surprise she was pulling the Depends underpants completely apart into smithereens! I asked her what she was doing and she told me my husband told her to pull them apart. I think he told her to pull them from the side because they can be ripped and taken off. She literally did what he said. Lol she did t want to wear them for her nap so I told her she cannot go in her pants. Hopefully I didn't make a mistake by allowing her the regular underwear. Sonce your FIL is having accidents, I suggest using the underpants that can be torn on the side. This way they will be easier for them to be removed if there's a bowel movement in them. Otherwise you may have issues with them pulling their pants down and having feces on their legs. Just a suggestion. Good luck.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

My adult son is disabled and has always worn diapers. I was very close to my dad and my dad also adored his namesake - his grandson. So adult diapers weren't a big taboo with us - just a fact of life. I don't even recall how it came to be that my dad started wearing them. My mother on the other hand was a vastly different situation. For several years she wet - and sat in her chairs, car, couch... No one ever wanted to sit down when visiting my mom. I tried talking to her about it and she would deny it was occurring - and when my mom says something isn't so, then it isn't - she could have urine running down her legs. Anyhow - I bought some nice women's depends and put them in her bathroom and one day she started to use them. But then came the issue of her treating them as a replacement for going into the bathroom - even though she still could a lot of the time. She would just full-on pee in her depends, not change them and then continue on sitting down, leaking through...and still no one really wants to sit down anywhere in her room. (Sigh)
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Since Dad was embarrassed by the situation, might think about positioning it this way (only kinder and more loving): No one will know you are wearing Depends (or Tena or whatever). But EVERYONE will know you've had an accident. Which is more embarrassing for you?
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Oh the "runs". Dad's caregiver noticed that my Dad has more of an issue when he eats raisin bran cereal on a continuous basis instead of switching off to other non-bran cereals.

Dairy products is another issue with my Dad. I don't know how many times I told Dad not to order ice cream when he is in the facility restaurant unless he had taken his LACTAID® pill first. Seems to go in one ear and out the next. And he's had this issue for many years, so it's not like it is something brand new.... [sigh].
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

1 2 3
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions