Anyone have experience (good or bad) on legal action taken against siblings for stealing money from parent?

Glad you are getting legal help; so many come to the forum asking what to do, and often legal is the only route, and yes, is it EVER expensive. Hope you will update us on the outcome and provide any information you think might be helpful to other caregiver families.

My OB basically robbed my parents blind. He stole their silver, Indian Artifacts, coin collections, tools, cars, anything of value. When he had cleaned them out of tangible things, he talked them into getting a Home Equity Line on their home (their only asset). This is back in 1997-98--he took $200K--which then was a LOT of money.

The rest of us 5 sibs knew nothing about this until YB finished the apartment on his home that was to house mom and dad for the remainder of their lives. The plan was that they'd pay off YB's home and he'd not ask any monetary recompense for taking care of them forever.

What a shock. The house was sold and Mother and Dad netted less than $60K where they should have had almost $300K. YB was never made whole--but we as kids all pitched in and helped as much as we could---but it was a real nightmare.

OB felt completely fine about doing this. It was unbelievable. Of course all the money was long gone....did we even talk about going after him? No, b/c he was the golden boy and mother wouldn't allow it.

It was her call, as it was her money--and dad was too deep into Parkinson's dementia to understand what had happened.

In this case as in so many, you have to weigh the possibility of getting the money back against the emotional cost. To mother, who loved OB with an almost sick fascination--this was clearly not the thing to do.

OB died, completely destitute about 8 years ago.

She and dad were the ones who suffered. YB was eventually made whole, but not immediately. When mother dies, we all inherit the same amount. It's a very small amount. As I have done a LOT of CG for mom, I may or may not accept my 'inheritance'..or I may simply give it to YB. She's been there 22 years. Daddy lived for 8 years there.

Mother is sliding into dementia, but she is still 'with it' enough to not bring up OB's name in conversation. He left enough pain and hurt behind him to last us all a lifetime.

Each situation is unique--and also the same. I have 5 kids and I cannot IMAGINE any one of them doing something so horrible. Mother has a real blind eye when it comes to this brother.

Whatever you decide, I wish you luck. There really is no 'right' nor 'wrong' in a case like this. Just 'awful' and 'slightly less awful'.

My experience here in Canada is that financial crimes are rarely prosecuted and even if they are it is very rare to have and of the stolen funds returned. You may get a judgement, but collecting is very difficult.

We almost lost our business and house when an employee who was also a family friend stole over $60k from us. She also did not make remittances to the CRA and we faced huge fines and penalties. She was the company bookkeeper.

We had proof, but needed a forensic audit, $25k to provide the proof to the RCMP.

Good Luck.

Hi
It is a common situation - my mom has Alzheimers- and is in a full care facility- I witnessed multiple times my younger sibling writing checks to himself from her check book for gas, (he lived 2 miles from my mom's care home), expenses, groceries (my mom's mini fridge was always empty) misc, etc.
He had her credit card, check book, and debit card -every time I went to visit and take her out she wanted to pay or offer and had nothing . Her private nurse told me that "your mom doesn't have any money ever" My dad left her well off -I live out of the country. My brother said he kept her cards and check book to protect her from her nurse who he didn't trust. He fired the nurse and told me she quit. What he didn't know was that she called me every week to update me and told me they fired her weeks before his story.
My mom's nurse said my mom wanted to go out and pay for stuff but didn't know where her debit card was ...
my father who passed four years prior would have been livid if he knew what my brother was doing - two brothers - they helped themselves to her account, said they took her to appointments (hearing aids) never once did in four years - and it goes on and on - I found out and asked about it only to be cussed out and told that I am not there and have no business interfering-
so now we are estranged basically -
so
it get's ugly- I have had a daughter who has had 13 leg and ankle surgeries in the last four years and have been rehabbing her - I wish I could be closer as I am a great caregiver - disgusted in them

My mom had dementia and owned her own home. My niece and her boyfriend moved in with Mom to care for her and her home (Niece and Boyfriend lived rent-free for doing so, which my sisters and I were good with). One day my sister (Niece's mom) called me breathing fire. She told me she looked at Mom's bank statement and ALL Mom's money was gone--to the tune of thousands.

Side note: I live in another state from my family. Now, Sisters did a lot for Mom and I always felt guilty. In talking with another sister I occurred to me that I could take on Mom's finances long distance if Sisters got Mom to sign a DPOA to me.

Mom would never file charges against Niece and even if Mom wanted to she wouldn't recall any of it anyway. Niece admitted to my sister that she knew Mom wouldn't remember giving her any money. Heck, there were a few days, Niece took Mom to the bank twice a day!

I got the DPOA. I developed a monthly statement that accounted for every penny of Mom's monthly. All of us agreed Mom would pay Niece and BF's moving expenses out. Once I got the DPOA, I told Niece, from my mouth to her ears, Mom (her grandmother) was in a protected class of vulnerable elders by state law. If Niece took even a penny from Mom I WOULD CALL THE POLICE AND HAVE HER ARRESTED. Niece never took a penny again.

That was the best I could do.

Husband’s brother got Durable POA and revised medical POA after MIL was diagnosed with dementia. Husband and sister kept asking for an accounting but brother claimed things were fine and the questions made him “nervous.” We moved back to the area and became more persistent in questions. Brother announced he was having her trust changed to put himself and his son in charge of all her money. We were able to get her to the attorney who finally realized she lacked sufficient awareness to make any changes. The attorney did agree to make the trust irrevocable with my husband in charge as her trustee. From there we went to the bank to learn that brother had helped himself to over $50,000. We contacted the state to report elder abuse, reported the theft to the police, and contacted an elder attorney. All agreed that it was virtually impossible to recover the money or prosecute as MIL could not (and probably would not) say anything against her baby. Husband went to Social Security to become her representative payee, and, because the POA was still outstanding, he went to court and was declared her legal guardian and conservator. All of this took six months and about $6,000. MIL was one of the lucky ones. She is now in a continuum of care facility and, at 97, we pray there is enough money left to last her lifetime.

Nationwide issue. Watch Netflix Dirty Money episode Guardian Inc., read Dr. Sam Sugar’s book Guardianship The Elderly The Perfect Crime, Google cases like Besse Owens from Detroit, Harold Jackson Detroit, Voice Advocates Michigan, documentary Guardian in Las Vegas etc. Look up legal abuse syndrome, undue influence, undue process by Probate Judges in vulnerable elder and adult disabled guardianship info.

Your situation and that of others on here are enough to make me want to spit fire. I just have to say, though, that the way I understand it is that your attorney while working on contingency does not get his fees if you don't get anything. However, what about his costs? Sometimes those are passed along to the client (forensic accountants, filing fees for complaints, expert consultations, etc.) You may want to read your contract.

Also, just to share the misery, my friend's sister is the "golden child," an animal hoarder with over 100 potbelly pigs, who are making more pigs as we speak. Friend's mom is 87 and wanted to live with sister, who lives like a hoarder lives. Between my friend's mom's social security and sister's disability they net about $2200 per month. They are spending $2000 per MONTH on pig food and supplies. I kid you not. My friend, who does the bookkeeping is fit to be tied as she has had to pay mom's food bills, sister's property tax (because mom lives there), but there is nothing she can do about the money hemorrhage because mom won't cut off sister ("poor thing, she can't support herself"), and won't move to Florida to be with my friend in a nice house. She would ather live in squalor in Pig Central in a crappy part of the California Central Valley and be watching over sister (who ignores her unless she needs money). People are nuts but seem to do whatever they want.

Imho, that is indeed unfortunate. So even though my one sibling is an attorney, I found him to be using some of our late mother's finances to pay for his half of an item that we had covered our half on - whether it was just a simple "slip up," I caught it and then he paid his rightful share.

Sorry but you can not win.

My brother in law has stolen over 500 thousand dollars and I am supposed to smile because he is so cute. By the way he is 60 years old with a 25 year old phillopino bride.

That’s the problem I’m having.....my mom has dementia, she’ll be 98 next month. I was caring for her until brother took over her finances. After a few falls and hospitalization, he took her to a lawyer to have her sign unlimited DPOA & amended her trust to benefit himself 100% removing all other heirs.

After he did this if I tried to see or speak to her he would call the police and say I was harassing her. I had proof of him writing checks to himself for cash from her account. He ended up closing the account since my mom had my name on it also and opened a new account without my name.

He then moved a woman into her home who got evicted from her trailer park who has financial problem and has access to all mom’s personal info & finances. Money is being used from my mother’s account to support this woman.

I have not seen my mother in almost 2 years now and lawyers want a substantial retainer with no guarantees of outcome. If you find out what to do please let me know. Best wishes to you.

This is truly sad, but I know a case of it as well. Son took thousands from his mother through whining, threats of self-harm, general manipulation, etc. It started off as what was loosely termed a series of "loans" but which were (for the most part) eventually "forgiven." I think he may have paid back some of it - and then I assume he realized he really didn't have to because it wasn't enforceable. Technically, mother gave the money willingly and I know she would never use force to get repaid. There likely was never a written loan agreement or anything like that anyway. I think "forgiving" the loans was Mom's way of dealing with the anxiety this caused her due to getting scammed by her son. She could then view herself as generous - rather than a victim. Thank goodness this did not interfere with the Medicaid 5 year lookback. We didn't seek legal action because I know she would never have gone along with it. Another family member demanded that we "advocate" for her, but how would we do that when she would be sitting in her wheelchair insisting the money was forgiven loans? Mother didn't want her baby in trouble and we felt she had the right to decide that. However, if it would have interfered with her Medicaid, we would likely have had to do something - but I'm not sure what. And, you probably guessed it, son still is not financially stable. It's been years. And he has little to do with his mother anymore.

oh damn. This is the worst. Yes, experience here. Let me say that the courts are not always reasonable in the way we see reason.

My brother was an issue, he was mentally ill with many weird requests and behaviors. He became more unhinged as he got older.

One surprise was that he had to be evicted from living with them. He refused to leave, even after assaulting my father. That seemed a no-brainer, right? My dad was 78. But still had to do eviction proceedings. The mediator finally settled it BUT my parents had to pay money to him to resettle (first and last, security deposit, etc). The mediator even got money for him since it was winter time and "cold". I was shocked because they were fixed income and it was a lot to spend to get rid of him.

He sued another time because my mother had, allegedly, promised him new dental implants. This was big money, and any such promise was more likely a discussion of what he could get done 'If he wanted'. Her paying never was the deal. But he sued her for the amount. He didn't win it all, but he got SOME. Yep, he didn't use it for teeth, of course. Drugs and beer.

The third time he sued I didn't even go because I was so upset. I heard he'd made a huge scene in court.

Basically, you can't assume a judge or mediator will rule in the interest of reason. If you can avoid legal issues completely, even by buying him off somehow, you may be better off. The legal fees are insane.

I realized I have a very vivid memory of OB bragging that as the oldest son he would stand to inherit everything and we other sibs could 'buy him out' What? Are we living in ancient Biblical times? I'm sure he used this reasoning to justify the out and out THEFT.

After Mother moved to the apartment in YB's home, OB would show up a couple times a week and 'borrow' dad's very expensive tools which he would pawn. He also was receiving about $200 per visit in cash from mother. Once he told me (with a straight face) that his then-wife really wanted a bigger and better diamond in her engagement ring and mother was financing it.

You just cannot make this stuff up.

OB was in jail several times--failure to pay child support and child sexual abuse. Mother asked the rest of us sibs to make his bail and pay his back-child support.

We went to court and saw him get the sentencing he deserved and not one of us gave a dime towards his 'release'. I would buy him groceries for his kids, but I would not give him cash. More than once I caught him going through my house, looking for a very valuable Chinese vase that was left to ME. The thought of him tearing through my drawers looking for this vase made me sick. Dh threatened him with the beating of his life and that ended that---but honestly, just knowing he was out there was enough to make me super anxious. His death did bring a great sense of calm to the whole family.

My husband has one sister that would have taken everything if she could have. She removed herself from the family for the most part 17 years ago when her sons were 10 & 12 and not long after mom had passed. Started harassing that when eldest brother passed, 3 months before mom, there should have been $ that was to go to “her” boys from his estate. Nothing about the 3 other nephews and not that we were looking for anything from his for our son.  Honestly once Dad got done with all his expenses and debt there was nothing left and Dad paid some things from his own pocket. She was constantly having Dad meet her somewhere so he could pay for something or give her $ to the point that he was letting the farm bills slide so he could help her. Mind you she had a very good job with the state that could well support her. She was the master of big showy purchases for her boys only to turn around and sell whatever it was for a fraction of what Dad paid for it. The 3 sibling that were left running the farm finally got Dad to create an LLC to protect the business and he was given a paycheck to do with as he pleased, if it went to her that was his decision. Once he passed the crazy really came out. Phone calls at all hours, late night drive-by honkings (she lived an hour away), phone calls where she disguised her voice and said she was an attorney. Claims are that the LLC is illegal that Dad never probated OB will or Mom’s will, that Dad’s will should prevail even if written prior to formation of LLC and she is owed 1/6 of the farm. Two other sibling have since passed and now youngest sibling and her husband are in charge. DH and I gave stated we have no claims on anything as he left the farm 30 years ago. She has made no claims against one sibling who passed as he was married and had a son of his own. The other sibling never married and she claims that the will that was filed is false because she was left nothing. Her sons are now grown and the youngest sees her for what she is and has not seen her in almost a year. The elder son still lives with her, refuses to move out and feels that he must support her. 

The family chose not the go after what she took from Dad and just move on so as not to upset Dad any further. Fortunately by the time he needed to move to a memory care and his funds were spent the 5 years had passed and he was beyond the lookback.

I would like a consult with your lawyer. I am the only caregiver Mom with me 2 years now. I am not her POA, Or health Proxy nor does mom excess income come to us. I am her Payee so we have ssd and my job. There is excess Income from dad which has to go to pooled trust.  sibling has all excess going to her now because I am trying to put in objections to Probate she is sending us some of it. I need help yet we haven't got it Parents money is paying estate lawyer who only talks to sibling unless he is threatening me.