Anyone had to deal with how to tell your parent that his house needs to be sold?

He will receive a copy of the paperwork. When he does, and he asks you questions about it, you answer his questions truthfully.

You are dreading this because you anticipate - and I can't put it better myself! - that he is going to come unhinged. He may, briefly. And that will make no difference either to the fact that the house must be sold and you have the legal authority to do it, or to the reality that the process will by then be under way.

It isn't quite the same situation, but I have just come from a family who dread similar things. They thought they couldn't get Dad vaccinated because they'd never get him to his GP. The wife had cancelled two CT scans because she couldn't get him to agree beforehand to the appointments and didn't know how she'd get him there if he refused to get in the car. This morning, she is fearful that her long, long overdue respite break won't happen because she can't explain it to him. Well - he has been vaccinated, he did attend the CT scan, and I am hopeful that by getting her to focus on the next goal - booking and implementing the respite plan - we can stop her from sabotaging this too.

Here is a useful mantra: "nothing is EVER as bad as you think it's going to be." What's key here is that you don't need your father's co-operation to sell the house, and you mustn't let your fear of his being upset about it stop you doing what you need to do in his best interests. Don't anticipate problems that won't make a material difference to anything. Eyes on the prize.

I have read this before where a guardian has to get permission to do certain things. I understand the logic in it, the state is protecting Dad, but just seems your hands are tied.

I had my Mom assign me POA thru a lawyer. I wanted all the Ts crossed and Is dotted. Mom gave me the ability to sell her house. So, I put it up for sale. I never told her I did it. I never took her back to it once she moved out and I definitely didn't show her pictures. It just gives them the impression they could go back. And their minds no longer can reason that they r where they are because its safer.

Most people who suffer from Dementia want to go home. My Aunt would tell a friend she would be home as soon as they let her out of this place. But the "home" she was talking about was where she grew up. You just have to make up little white lies. Its a shame the courts feel they need to keep a person suffering from Dementia informed. I mean, you received guardianship because Dad had a Dementia. Dad may get the letter and have no idea what it means. If he does, just be honest and say that he could no longer afford to keep it up. Yes, he may get upset but then he hopefully will forget. I would make sure I took the letter, once he read it, and not mention the house again. Eventually as the desease progresses, he will forget he had a home and except where he is.

If he is in Memory Care, there is no reason to tell him.

He's not in charge of his finances, if you are the guardian. Plus, if he is in Memory Care, he is not competent to take care of such things. There is a good chance he will forget what you told him, and still believe that he owns a home. Why upset that thought?

Have you changed his address for the post office? Perhaps change it to your home so that he doesn't need to receive court papers and become agitated. You can then deliver only "pleasant" mail.

The house must be sold to pay for his care. Simple as that.

I went through this with my parents. As soon as they moved into assisted living I went to work getting the house ready to sell. It was a mess. I cleaned out personal belongings and hired a guy to haul several truckloads to the dump then sold it as is.

I had a perfunctory hearing with the guardianship judge and got permission.

I had already gone through guardianship Conservatorship process, mom and dad had been served legal paperwork during that process but didn’t understand or even ask me. They also got paperwork on the house sale but never brought it up with me. Dad had very little short term memory at this point but mom still functioned fairly well.

If they had confronted me I would have fibbed a bit (Or maybe a lot) as I had to do a lot of fibbing the last few years to take care of them.

I think we sometimes become a slave to our parents dementia, putting of what has to be done because we don’t want the hissy fits. But this is a case of doing what has to be done.

When my father entered assisted living I sold his house. He didn't want to do it because he kept saying he was only trying out the assisted living situation and would come back home if he didn't like it. I wanted to assure that wasn't an option, plus one of the reasons for assisted living was that the house needed repairs and upkeep that I didn't want to take on. It wasn't easy but I just didn't dwell on the house sale. We discussed that it had to be sold, he got angry, I ignored him, we sold it. Now, he will ask me if the house has been sold, or he'll say "You sold the house, didn't you?" but it's not really an accusation anymore. Don't try to get him to understand or even agree since it's something that just has to be done. Be matter-of-fact in your presentation and discussion and don't allow any doubt to creep in. He won't like it but he'll eventually get over it. I wouldn't tell him any more than absolutely necessary. Unless he needs to sign paperwork, which since you are the guardian/conservator I doubt will be necessary, you can just let it come up in conversation and then move on from the topic.

He will receive a copy of the paperwork. When he does, and he asks you questions about it, you answer his questions truthfully.

You are dreading this because you anticipate - and I can't put it better myself! - that he is going to come unhinged. He may, briefly. And that will make no difference either to the fact that the house must be sold and you have the legal authority to do it, or to the reality that the process will by then be under way.

It isn't quite the same situation, but I have just come from a family who dread similar things. They thought they couldn't get Dad vaccinated because they'd never get him to his GP. The wife had cancelled two CT scans because she couldn't get him to agree beforehand to the appointments and didn't know how she'd get him there if he refused to get in the car. This morning, she is fearful that her long, long overdue respite break won't happen because she can't explain it to him. Well - he has been vaccinated, he did attend the CT scan, and I am hopeful that by getting her to focus on the next goal - booking and implementing the respite plan - we can stop her from sabotaging this too.

Here is a useful mantra: "nothing is EVER as bad as you think it's going to be." What's key here is that you don't need your father's co-operation to sell the house, and you mustn't let your fear of his being upset about it stop you doing what you need to do in his best interests. Don't anticipate problems that won't make a material difference to anything. Eyes on the prize.

An update to this saga: Dad made the move to memory care and he is finally settled in. It took a few months. They are meeting his needs well. The woman that manages the facility is an RN and she is able to manage his medical situation. He no longer remembers how old he is. He thinks he's 52. He believes his birthday is in July (which it is) but he cannot remember what day but he can talk your ear off for 30 minutes about his time in WWII! After a number of months of working weekends to sort through the house, the estate sale company ran the sale this past weekend and it was a total success. I found them when I happened to stop at a sale in my neighborhood and was impressed with what they had going on. I rented a mini storage to hold the stuff I still need to go through. We took everything out of the house that we wanted and they did the rest and will leave the place clean. They even cleaned out the 2 sheds in the back with the rats which I would have paid someone no matter the cost. No, this process wasn't cheap. It is costing a lot to get this completed but there is no way my husband and I could have done this trying to work full time. This was 35 years accumulation and my dad threw NOTHING away. I don't think any piece of paper was allowed to leave his house! As it is, the estate sale company still has a house full of some really large stuff they need to get rid of. Better them than me. Today is a big day. The people that bought my dad's car are going to pick it up. Of everything in his house, I would say his car was his most prized possession. He cherished that car more than me. They tell me the car sold to an older couple. Quite fitting. I did receive permission from the court to sell the house and will have the realtor there soon. I can't tell dad any of this. We just keep playing along when he asks if he still owns a house.

I never told my Mother anything that I thought would upset her. She forgot things soon enough anyway. It is your decision to make.

Sell the house, do not involve Dad if at all possible. Do not attempt to bring him to it one more time.

Please do not use rat poison, where I live eagles and owls are being poisoned by eating dying and dead rats that were poisoned. If possible find a company that uses terriers to kill rats. They are remarkable effective.

But unless the shed is completely sealed up, rats will continue to get in. We have a family story. My Dad was living on the other side of the country, there was a mouse in my grandfather's shed. Grandpa wrote a letter telling Dad he had killed the mouse, the following week another letter arrived, telling Dad the mouse had been killed. Over the course of that summer my grandpa trapped over 100 mice.

If he is moving to memory care, I suspect he is pretty far along with dementia and not mentally sound enough to be discussing financial decisions with you.  Nor does he need the stress of all of that.  I would sell the house and cars so that he has plenty of funds to support his care and there will be one less thing for you to manage.  Those assets are of no value to anyone while sitting there deteriorating and becoming over run with rats.  Should your father have a lucid moment and ask about his home, just reassure him that you are taking care of it for him and then change the subject.