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MIL who had been living with us is now in MC. FIL came for the holidays to see her and all of us. This man used to be kind of quiet keep to himself type, but in the last couple years has become a huge talker. It is just weird. He goes from one subject to the next. For instance on Christmas he went around the room asking us all where we want to die. At home? Somewhere else? He expounded on vaping and why won't the government ban it, non stop questions about the MC and how do they get MIL to shower. He wants step by step instructions on how they do it. Do they wear wet suits? Honestly an evening with him is exhausting. I know he is lonely, but he has means and could move nearby but will not. My husband finally got sick of it and told him to stop. It worked for that evening but he was back at it the next day.
Oh, additionally he is deaf as a stone and refuses to do anything about it.
He will be 85 in a few weeks. Is this some type of age related dementia?
Thank you and I hope all of you had peaceful holidays.

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YES!!! This has been my life. My mom has been a tremendous talker for decades, to the point where I feel like a piece of furniture to talk at - constant monologuing. The sad thing is we get along well but the incessant talking makes me want to run for the hills. This level of talking doesn't give you room to even think for a moment. People even have told her to try to calm down the talking. Now she has dementia so she repeats. I haven't found a magic bullet, but this is what I do:

- Just walking away has been the only sure thing.
- As per above I've learned to call/visit with a definite exit strategy in mind at a set time. Like an appointment that I have to go to. Or, the best one lately has been visiting/talking before a set mealtime. Or make up an excuse. Doesn't feel good but it limits the time...
- I don't use this one often but if it's early evening and I'm in for the long haul I'll have one good beer or one glass of wine and voila! It's like magic, she talks on and on and I'm not bothered! I told a friend about this trick and she also swears by it hahaha. Again don't get the wrong idea this is not frequent! But so worth it on occasion.
- I don't listen and she doesn't notice. Which is sad but...sigh...I let my mind wander...
- I have a minor hearing impairment and don't wear my hearing aids around her. Can still hear her well but it's not so loud! This gives me more space to try mind wandering when I'm being told the same thing for the 40th time no exaggeration!

Truly wishing you the best with this!
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Arlyle Dec 2019
Thank you. He seems to have calmed down a little.
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Again, I agree with Geaton.

My husband has worn hearing aids since maybe 5. But he has found it hard to explain to elderly relatives how to use their hearing aides. His Aunt had arthritis in her hands so had a hard time with the little wheels. Went thru a pk of batteries because she thought the aid didn't work. She didn't have the volume up. My Mom wouldn't wear hers. They can't be tested because they don't understand the process.

There are things out there if his hearing is just a volume thing. TV ears for TV. Boxes that look like little radios with earphones/buds. It may just be a build up of wax. Hearing loss can contribute to Dementia.
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Yes, probably related to dementia. My aunt is the same way. It doesn't really help to "tell him to stop" as he won't remember that conversation. You can just walk away. That's what we've had to do with my aunt. She'll be confused for a millisecond and then she'll forget it. Being deaf doesn't help his case and it's too late for hearing aids as he won't remember anything about how to use them or where he laid them down, etc. They are tiny and difficult for elderly hands to manipulate and control the volume. Your FIL probably needs help (whether he thinks so or not). Is there someone in a position to do that?
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