Anyone experience kicking and shoving from 96 year old mother?

Well, at 96 and with limited spending power, I don't see a problem. My mom is basically immobile and spends everyday shopping. She's also limited as to what she can spend, so we all just look the other way. All she buys is junk, and it often stays in the package it came in and just sits there.

The aggression is not safe. Amazing how much physical strength an elder can muster when they are angry! You might look into a geri-psych exam and a mild tranquilizer might help with that.

BTW, my 3 yo grandson is NOT allowed to kick & shove...so maybe she needs to be treated as one. You say she's LUCID, which is probably not totally true if she thinks kicking and hitting is the way to behave.

BTW, I am grateful that when my mom threw a bedpan at me, it was plastic and didn't hurt when it hit.

Kicking and shoving can be a sign of cognitive decline/dementia behavior. Not sure what you mean by "lucid"... if she could comprehend consequences she wouldn't be violent with others, hence I don't agree with your view of her being "lucid". Do you mean she knows who you are and what day it is? That may be so, but she is descending into unacceptable behaviors. I would discuss this and her OCD shopping hyper-focus and maybe doc can recommend something for anxiety. This will help her and everyone else. My 99-yr old aunt does things like slapping and pinching. She has mod/adv dementia. i wish you success in finding a solution that works for all.

In your profile, you state your mother has 'age related decline'. "Kicking & shoving" does not constitute 'age related decline' at all, but likely dementia related decline. Also, spending lots of money on a daily basis is also not considered normal behavior either, especially for a 96 y/o who should have few needs in general. Being relentless with what she wants is also another sign of dementia related behavior, not to mention reverting to a '3 year old with physical strength and a credit card'. And a 96 y/o with physical strength & a credit card living independently sounds like a major problem waiting to blow up, in my opinion. Violent behavior towards others is a big issue in and of itself that warrants a cognitive evaluation from a doctor asap. Once the results are revealed, you can then take the next steps to get her moved to AL or whatever managed care facility is indicated.

FWIW, 'lucidity' comes and goes with the dementias. The elders are not continually acting erratic; there are times when they're acting perfectly fine and others where they're totally out of control with their behaviors. My mother is 95 in January, with advanced dementia, and I can tell you she has good moments and horrendous moments, with the latter being more the norm lately. Belligerence is very common for her as the days and the disease progresses. Yet she can still 'showtime' with small talk & convince others she's just a nice little old lady, which couldn't be further from the truth!

Wishing you the best of luck getting the whole mess figured out soon!

What are the caregivers doing when they experience your mother's violent behaviour?

My grandmother beat up 6 nurses. They were trying to subdue her because she thought they had stolen her teeth and she was having none of that.

Your mom needs to been seen by a doctor, her behavior is not normal nor acceptable.

At home, try to fill her days with other activities so that she is not so bored that she spends her time charging items. Try to get her outside each day. It takes creative thinking but the idea is to distract her and get her attention to more productive activities like puzzles, baking, socializing, music, - whatever she enjoys and is capable of doing.
You don't say if she was never violent before or if she was violent throughout her life. It sounds like she is used to getting her way through aggression. Only you and your family know the answer to this. In any case, these violent episodes should be taken seriously before they result in injury to herself or another. Please document her outbursts and have her evaluated by a doctor for dementia or mental illness. Some medications can contribute to her aggression, and yet others can be given to subdue it. This is a problem that can't be ignored.

Does the brother with POA refuse to see the behavior ? Does mom live in her own ? My immediate reaction is for the people involved to call 911 and have mom transported to hospital or facility...it’s my understanding that several calls to 911 to transport the individual will make her known in the “system” and they will become involved in forcing the family to get help.

Yes, I actually saw one woman at my mother's memory care unit kick one of the aides. The aide said it is not uncommon and they know how to handle it. You'll need to get experienced aides who know how to handle people with violent behavior. Make sure that her spending is within her budget.

I watched few YouTube videos about Alzheimer's and aggression. What I have discovered is that medical Marijuana is helpful in controlling these behaviors, so I tried it with dad.
It works.
I use the oil. It has THC, turmeric and black pepper. When I give it to him, he becomes relaxed and happy. And hungry! But never aggressive. On the other hand, if he goes more than two days without it, the aggressive behavior returns.
It's natural, and after 6 months I can say that there are no negative effects.
You can find THC products in oil or pill form, or candies. I started with the gummed, but he didn't like them, so I switched to the oil.
Good luck!

I can relate.. My mother recently started acting out when she is about to get a bath. This is new for all of us. She raises her legs and starts to kick and gets a tight fist to punch one of us. My niece approached her and she swung her fists but gently touched her stomach. She knows what she is doing. It takes one hour to give her a bath now and she hates it. She used to love it .Her strength is double now. All I can say is let your mom know you will not put up with her hurting you and tell her doctor he/she may put her on a medication for agitation. I told my mother if once she hurts me that is it. She will get the care from others. She calms down because she knows I won't put up with that. Hope you find a solution to this problem.

My mother in her 90s, started to get first signs of Sundowner Syndrome...Dusk every day, she'd get this look of rage, and strength, and be combative...so much so, when we tried to get her into a facility, they claimed she was too combative. Finally got her into a county (NJ) facility that has a separate dementia (locked) unit, but they are so caring, and give activities to their patients, and I went there every weekday. Eventually, she stopped asking for her apartment (in NYC). It was a semi-private room, clean, fresh food daily (choices), bi-weekly doctors (dentist, optometrist, podiatrist) and entertainment (bands, bingo, BBQs). You have to shop around and visit the places. The one I found, eventually got her medicaid, since she only had a small SS check, and they took wonderful care of her (and others) for the last 5 years of her life. Stay strong, and be a voice for your Mom. Even though she can't express it, she appreciates that you're there for her. Re-assure her that you are not leaving her, you're going to be there as often as you can...bring photos, music, decorate her room as much as possible with memories. I wish you good luck and good health, and lots of patience. God bless.

Yes, we put mom in assisted living. So far she is behaving better.

I don't care what the reason is for her behavior, THIS CANNOT BE TOLERATED AND MUST BE STOPPED AT ONCE. I would never let anyone behave this way - this person should be placed in a facility at once - you do NOT deserve this and should never accept it. And what on earth is she doing at this age with a credit card? Insane - cancel it at once - no credit cards. Use that money she spends to care for her.

My Father died this August. I knew very little of her condition until I had to deal with her the past 4 months. She walked the house at night with a flash light. It got to a point where she was no longer safe alone in her home. Her fist wacked a punch of a boxer. I finally had a Judge sign off on a 1013. A Deputy Sheriff took to the ER. From there to a facility to evaluated for 8 days. Can no longer alone in her own home. Hardest thing I had to do. Miracle = came home different as night and day. The 5 RX she know is on is working. Really hasn't slept in a year. She was not eating, lost 10 pounds. Then I took her to her new home. Happy as a lark. and actually said thank you. I have my Mother back. Just do it. It was for her safety.

She needs to be evaluated by neurologist for medication.

Firehousegal: Imho, there appears to be two SEPARATE issues. #1 Your ninety six year old mother amazingly has the strength of a world class boxer. How is this possible? I witnessed this IN BRIEF INTERVALS with my late mother. Perhaps your mother needs to visit her primary care physician for starters. #2 Her over-the-top credit card spending. Perhaps her credit card account could be closed and a new one provided to her with a very small limit.

How does Mom get to the shops to spend up? Do caregivers drive her?

Or is she a 'silver surfer' on the net?

Has mom been diagnosed with dementia of any type?
If not I think it is important to get a proper diagnosis.
There are medications for anxiety that can be given.
And if mom has dementia she should not be in Independent Living and should be in Memory Care.
If she does not have a diagnosis of dementia It sounds like she should be in Assisted Living not Independent Living.
AND what is she buying? How is she making her purchases?
Do not give in on limiting her expenditures.