Anyone ever had experience with AL called “A Place for Mom?” 84-year-old mother is lonely and considering selling assets and moving here.

A Place for Mom is a referral service. They help you find what you need when you're at the point of placing an elderly parent in a facility.

Your separate living arrangments with your mom is your only buffer. She has her house, you have yours. If your mom moves in with you and your husband that buffer is gone and all of the behaviors you listed will become part of your everyday life. Don't do it.

They direct you to the most expensive facilities in your area, they get a huge percentage of the rent the 1st month, they will guilt you for not giving thousands of dollars a month to support your parent at an overpriced facility.

Then you get to deal with a magnitude of phone calls because they send out your information to tons of facilities that now want to sell you a facility that your loved one can't afford.

Cwillie you are right on! Oh yeah, and they set appts for you and your parent so they can “Showboat” you and woo you into thinking they are going to take such loving care of your parent. Go into any place unannounced, that will be how I do it this time around.

They operate in much the same way as an insurance broker does, they only compare and make recommendations to those facilities they have a contract with, which in most areas means the big corporate chains or those places struggling to fill their beds (usually for good reasons).

A place for mom is a for-profit referral service and they get paid thousands of dollars if you place your mom in a facility. Keep that in mind. They are also very aggressive because....again they get paid if you place your mom in one of the facilities they recommended. This means that they probably don’t have your moms best interests in mind, they just want to get their commission.

I used them to help find the facility my mom now lives in. They were very kind. I had a person who called me several times a week to give me suggestions, ask if I had questions and pass along new information. Unfortunately, he could only call while I was at work, which was awkward for me. I finally had to ask him to either call later or cut down on calls altogether.

If you don't want the life of a full time caretaker for you or your husband, don't move her in with you and don't let her make you feel guilty about it. It's that simple. If she moves in with you, she will continue to bad mouth your husband, make accusations, and generally make your life a living hell. As long as her needs are met and you can visit and be her daughter, rather than her caretaker, a memory care or assisted living is your best option.

When I was trying to entertain the idea to my parents to move into AL, I contacted them via e-mail and the follow up was very quick and aggressive. They are a referral service .... and will drive you crazy. Since you will still do most of the legwork anyway, avoid them.
That said.....please keep your sanity and your boundaries. I wish my parents would be open to the suggestion. As we are well aware, things do not get better as they age, and to keep them at home is difficult. AL is for piece of mind and for your own well being. Best of luck.

I really don’t advise it. I used them. At first they seem like angels, listening to your every concern and frustration. WorriedinCali is absolutely right. They were supposed to be an advocate for Mom and help pick a place that best suited Mom’s unique needs. I was lied to by the facility that they would take care of Mom’s lymphatic leg and also the person from a Place for Mom told me they discussed this with them, but would NOT stand up for me when I called the facility out on it ( after I moved her in of course ) because the facility refused treatment on the grounds of “it’s medical.” I ended up having to hire an outside gal (which took about 7 months) for an added expense of 100 a visit to do this but no help from “A Place for Mom.” No help from the Ombudsman, nobody BUT, “A place for Mom” was only too happy to help me find another place for her! NO WAY! You won’t back me up when I am lied to but you want me to give you another opportunity to make more money from me? Fool me once.
Besides, you get harassed with phone calls from all the facilities, it seems never ending. They still call me! I don’t answer anymore. There is no such thing as a free service.

I called "A place for mom," and most of the time I was on the phone the lady talked all about herself and her family problems--ugh! I could not get off the phone with her...just on and on, all awhile I am frustrated with my own family problems. Then she try selling/guilty me into some big ticket caring AL (in a city I don't live in)! She kept asking me how much money my mother's house is worth and how much savings she had. I told her that I was not answering those questions until I figure out what I was going to do, but she kept asking and I kept refusing. They don't care about you or your parent. Sad to say, I had to tell them that my mother died...to many phone calls and e-mails.

Do yourself a favor don't have mom live with you and don't call "A place for mom." They are not what they appear to be!

If you want assistance finding a facility for mom consider a Geriatric Case Manager. They are very knowledgeable in what is available and what would work for mom. They are paid and will check in on mom on a schedule that will work for mom and you.

Since mom is ready to go, go fast and don't be surprised if she changes her mind. Spend that inheritance on mom's care.

Also, time to get all of mom's documents in order if they are not already.