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This topic should resonate with so many in our group... It's heartening in a sense. Our bodies are trying to comfort us in a maladaptive the most motherly way it knows, to feed.
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Yes, my mother gave me hypothyroidism (Yuck!)) Through careful diet, I was finally able to lose 35 #. Just had my wedding rings made smaller! Yay! It took a Loooong time to lose that amount of weight, which really wasn't that much.
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Nuttybuddy1 Sep 2019
How did you lose the weight? I have hypothyroidism also and I can’t seem to lose any weight.
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The answer is being conscientious and making a commitment to make a plan that supports one's goals, realizing that the work is stressful and causes stress, which causes some people to over-eat. What one needs to do most in this work is take care of their self - to be in mental and physical shape to do it.
There are many tricks.
As I've already indicated, I've offered holistic wt mgmt for decades and maintaining a 70-75 lb wt loss for over 35 years, without dieting. It takes a decision and a commitment. Eat healthy foods, in moderation. Do not buy processed foods and do not have sweets or tempting foods in the house.
Find other ways to release stress. Take little steps and acknowledge each step you do take.
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waterfalls Sep 2019
Awesome advice from all your posts. Not keeping the chocolate and cakes around, well easier said than done. With God's help I will recomitt this month like Panini and Arlyle.
Waterfalls....wishing everyone success in this month of September 2019.
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Yes, yes, yes.
My mother had narcissistic personality disorder. One of the ways it manifested was that she thought my behavior was a reflection on her. If I looked good it was because she "raised me right".
After I started caregiving, the stress of doing it, for a narcissist who also had dementia, added some pounds. I would leave her house, angry and frustrated, and tear into a bag of chips or cookies.
One day she even said, "Wow, you just keep getting fatter and fatter".
I really wanted to say, "Yes, and it's all because of you, thank you very much."
So, now that I've vented, my suggestion is as others have said - take care of yourself. I found a therapist who explained a lot of what I had gone through as a child, and I also started doing some research/reading.
I am still a "work in progress" and have days when I over-indulge. Find what works for you, be it walking, journaling, or professional help. You deserve to be happy and have a healthy life.
We all know what you're going through and we support you!
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Yes, yes, yes I am right there with you! I say I'm going to work out and then I'm so tired I don't. I am recommitting myself this month to try again this month.
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Would love to join in this but fear of failure holds me back. My husband whose mother we are caring for, rides a bike, attends yoga, goes running, always while I am at home with his mother.
All I can say is, I would love to try.
A 10 to 15 pound loss would be awesome. I feel encouraged by all of you. Let's try and do this.
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DizzyBritches Sep 2019
I’ll help if I can. Your husband is taking care of himself. Now it’s time for you to take care of yourself! You can lose a lot of wait simply by “fast walking” for 20-30 minutes a day most days of the week and making better food choices. If you like I’ll be happy to correspond with you,
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While taking care of my Mom with both breast and lung cancer, I dove in and researched nutrition for hours on end.
I cleaned out both her pantry and mine of all sugar, flour, processed and frozen foods.
Switched us both in the Keto lifestyle and haven’t looked back. Mom did fantastic and was doing well and getting stronger each day. We were able to stop the cancer in it’s tracks, but unfortunately the radiation and chemo eventually killed her. She died of a massive stroke brought on by these barbaric treatments.

As for me I’ve lost 50 lbs! Yes, it is slow but so worth it. I eat delicious real organic foods, you know the real stuff we used to eat, before convenience foods. Hunger is a thing of the past and today I am healthier than I was in my early twenties.
Keto is not hard, yet it’s not for everybody. It’s basically a high fat way of eating and by this I mean good fats, like coconut oil, avocado oil, organic lard and beef tallow. They keep you full and are so good for the brain and body.

Whats I find amazing is I was never a big veggie eater until I started this lifestyle, and now I crave delicious salads with organic meats and cheeses and lots of greens. Homemade salad dressing is easy peasy.
Just the other day I made some most delicious decadent brownies from organic almond butter!
‘I have also found that my Ninja Foodie Tender crisp is an appliance I simply cannot live without. I can take frozen solid chicken thighs and have them ready to eat in less than an hour. I’m talking fall off the bone tender and juicy. Pressure cooking makes life easy. For me it’s my idea on fast food.

Ill be the first to admit when starting this lifestyle it won’t be easy, but once you retrain your palette to enjoy whole natural organic foods without the flour, sugar and chemicals you’ll never go back. Plus you’ll be healthier in the long run, warding off cancers, diabetes, high blood pressure, aches and pains and so on.
But, it does take work on your part which is why so many fail.

I am a firm believer in Hippocrates, “Let thy food be thy medicine and thy medicine be thy food”.
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waterfalls Sep 2019
Wow Snow!!! I am happy to hear about your success on the Keto diet!! Wonderful. I am devastated to here of your mom's passing after her rebound from the cancer using the Keto diet. I wonder if you have a lawsuit. Wow.
Waterfalls.
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OMG!!! YES, YES and YES! I am a stress eater and like you, I eat when I am sad and when I relax, it is in front of the TV and of course, I need food. It is mindless relaxation.
Putting on weight and feeling every # of it. I belong to a gym, but can't seem to get out of the house to go. Working on finding a solution that works for me. : ( : )

Hang in there.. you are not alone..
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waterfalls Sep 2019
Lol Marilyn you have my pattern. It just takes self control and discipline which we all need.. lol
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I have just the opposite prob. I lost 30 pounds in 4 months. Both are a prob brought on by anxiety. Lots of prayer and Bible study brought me to a better place. Fortunately...i needed to lose the weight and i have maintained the loss for over a year now with healthier eating. Portion control mostly. Good luck!
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waterfalls Sep 2019
Awesome Lin. For me it will take God. Spending time with Him knowing that I'm loved and not alone during this difficult journey. With me I don't have excess weight but I have fat around the midsection which is dangerous because it's hard on the organs. I am borderline diabetic so I must watch my eating habits carefully and pull from what the other courageous ladies are saying in this sight as well. I must do it all in peace.
Waterfalls.
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Yes! I realized I am an anxiety eater, but I’m also a happy eater! So after my mother passed (I’m still taking care of my stepdad and my sister who is disabled) and I realized I had gained 22lbs, I decided to give myself a Valentines Day gift and I joined Weight Watchers. I realized that every single aspect of my life was in chaos. After my mom passed I was still taking care of two people I loved very much, I was away from home from 9am until 10pm, my car was constantly breaking down, my house and garage were filled with boxes and boxes, and more boxes belonging to my mother and stepdad that I still had to go through but didn't have time to do it because Im always so exhausted, I was eating too much and always felt bloated and a little sick. So I thought if I could gain control over one thing in my life what would it be? The only thing I could actually control was my eating issues, so I joined Weight Watchers. It was amazing, I really felt a sense of peace knowing I could focus on this one thing. Just this one thing was mine and mine alone. Little by little I became happier and felt more calm—I still felt stressed but I had a better understanding and therefore better control over myself and my need to keep eating and eating and eating long after I was full. I guess it gave me that “thing” that people always tell caregivers: “you have to take care of yourself first!” But who has the time? “You have to make time for yourself” oh, like from 1am to 6am? So that was it! Taking control of my food situation was taking care of myself. I lost 24lbs in 8 months, I didn’t starve, I didn’t go without ice cream or bread, I just followed the Freestyle program. Its not always easy but a lot of the time it actually IS really easy. Some weeks are better than others but that’s life in general, right? -up 2lbs one week down 2lbs the next then down 1lbs l, then back up 1/2lbs. That is the ups and downs of life. I’m still the driver of this vehicle and it just feels better that I have one thing thats mine and mine alone and no one, not even me, being a very tired caregiver, can take that away from me.
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waterfalls Sep 2019
Babs that is so beautiful. You managed to find that one thing that's yours and yours alone. You put your health first. What a blessing. After losing your mom and now taking care of your stepdad and sister you are managing your emotions so well, while focusing on your self care. I am so proud of you. What a trooper you are. My mom is like taking care of five people. She wants to shower when she wants and eat when she wants, wash her own clothes. That's great but she is in an assisted living facility and shares a room with a roommate. Rules and more rules. Her stress level has taken a toll on me. My hair started falling out a little and I have to get back to work. I'm exhausted. My self care included ice cream a lot, a healthy meal when I could find the time to cook and smoothies and fast food. I managed to stop that. Just now I had a chicken salad and took Vitamin C. Listening to all of you is so encouraging. I know I just need to make the decision and stick to it. Self Control with God's help. Thank you for sharing.
Waterfalls.
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I gained weight while taking care of my sister, who passed in 2017. Then I got Shingles (please everyone, get the new Shingrix vaccine!), and then I had a heart scare (60% blockage). Time to get serious. My BMI was just over the line, but I knew I needed to lose 20-25 pounds. My method is using an mP3 player (with ear buds) that clips on my shirt while I walk, 30 to 40 minutes just about every single morning. I've lost 14 pounds in the last two-three months. I zone out while listening to audio books, but one can also download music. I sometimes walk barefoot in the house (it's still walking) on the carpet, which I think helps my occasional neuropathy in my feet.

The other thing I've become very aware of is sugar, and its presence (sometimes in disguise) in so many foods one wouldn't expect! I have researched on-line, and learned that 25 grams of sugar (or hopefully less) should be my daily intake. I'm also trying to eat less, smaller portions, more veggies, etc. etc.

I read once a response from a doctor on how to lose weight and keep it off: "Exercise, eat less, and do it forever." The weight can just creep up again, I know. My heart goes out to all of you trying to lose weight. It's so difficult in this society, where we have such abundance, and I love to eat!
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waterfalls Sep 2019
Yes Mary. So true everything you said. The sugar and the salt is in almost all foods except veggies. The only cure is eating veggies, I believe in a little grapefruit juice, not too much because of the acidity, fresh water other healthy combination of food and lots of exercise. There is no way to get around it. Much of the binging is emotional stress driven. Congrats on the weight losses!!! Way to go!!!
Waterfalls
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I so relate. Isolated and no life of my own! Food becomes something to look forward to.
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I relate and understand. I gained 40 pounds from using food to cope. The ONE thing that worked for me is an app called NOOM. It is Genius because it helped me in SO many ways. It was created by psychologists. I have lost 15 pounds.
Much better than WW which I also tried. Good luck. You can do it.
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P.S. from TouchMatters.
Move move move. If difficulty w/moving, get in a pool.
I'm 68 and going out for my regular s-l-o-w jogging.
Get weights and do short routines while watching tv.
I jog so slow people walk faster than I do. Jogging isn't for everyone.
Important to vary movement / exercise with FUN aerobics, stretching, relaxation/yoga. Do a little at a time and slowly build up.
A headset CD player is really helpful. I got a carry'ing belt years ago and take it jogging w/me - to The Village People. Gena.
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waterfalls Sep 2019
Touch yes yes and yes. The music walking jogging lifting weights all stress busters!! At some point we have to stop and say we are worth it!!! Thanks.
Waterfalls.
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Yep! I gained a bunch of weight over the last three years. Last month, I returned to counting my calories (it had worked very well for me in the past), and filling up on salads and green veggies and sticking to lean portions. But there are days when I just don’t have the motivation. I don’t buy junk, because I will eat it, and neither one of us needs more sodium in our diets.
I think I’m doing okay so far, but I didn’t gain the weight overnight and I’m not gonna lose it overnight.
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waterfalls Sep 2019
Congratulations Dizzy for veggies and salads, going lean. When you don't stay motivated to stick to the regimen, what do you eat?
Waterfalls..
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I'm in the same boat. Dealing with the stress of care giving with junk food. Doesn't help mom seems to only have an appetite for fast food. Going to try squeezing in a walk everyday to stay somewhat in shape.
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MaryBee Sep 2019
My MiL has an appetite for sweets! Last time I went to the store she asked me to pick up a pie AND a cake!
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Hi Mort1221.
Oh boy you are so not alone in the weight department. With taking care of my mother who will be 92 in September the stress is on. I eat chocolate bars a lot, although recently I cut down, McDs, sandwiches, basically things that distract me from the pressures. No good. Where does the fat go? My boobs, my stomach and now I have tires around my waist. Thus week I decided to set boundaries on various aspects if moms care because she is able to make some decisions. I had to ask myself how far am I going to take my body thru this? I'm working on it!! I understand you. Keeping you in prayer as well. It will balance out.
Waterfalls.
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I have gained 10 pounds in this last year. I can't even walk the dog leave alone go to a gym. We just got a rowing machine, so we will see. I'm thinking I may need a treadmill too.
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This year, I've made a decision to take care of my health first. I am on a regimen of yoga, strength weights, a good food management plan <<NOT a "diet"! And I take Thrive nutritional supplements. Three steps and done first thing in the morning. Let me know if anyone would like info. This has totally changed my life.
~Tracy
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waterfalls Sep 2019
That is an excellent process to healing. My problem is I start and stop. In fact you just reminded me I have vitamins. I need to remind myself to take them.
Waterfalls
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You are not alone. I have been caring for my dad full-time for almost two years, and in that time I have gained 25lbs. Prior to caring for dad, I used to walk five miles everyday, but now I'm too tired to mow the lawn. Being a caregiver is draining....physically and mentally.
I have also found myself eating whatever I cook dad which is not what my daily diet used to be as a flexitarian who doesn't eat red meat or pork.
I do not like this new weight on me and I refuse to buy more clothes, so I've joined a health plan to help me get back on track.
We'll get better.....
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Yes, caregiver weight gain appears to be particularly sticky and difficult to lose.
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True for me. I feel like I spend my energy taking care of my LO and have little mental or physical energy left to take care of myself. I did sign up for MyFitnessPal, as some others have posted, and it has good solid advice and info. But I admit I stress-eat and that is a big challenge for me. A stressful encounter with my caree will send me straight to the pantry looking for chocolate! It’s a hard game to win. But let’s encourage each other. Surely if we eat healthier we will feel better and have more stamina for the task at hand, right?
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I've been offering holistic wt mgmt for over 30 years. I'm maintaining a 70-75 lb loss, without dieting, for over 35 years now. With additional stressors, self-care requires more self-compassion, self-awareness, and conscious awareness on little aspects of our thinking and behavior. Overload, overwhelm, additional stress, anxiety - may lead many of US to the refrigerator. Best NOT to have any tempting foods in the abode.
Is important NOT to get mad or angry with yourself nor give yourself self-negative messaging. This won't help. What we need is self-compassion and exploration of other ways to take care of our self. I have to do it too - after all these decades. Start by setting very small goals and changing behavior very slowly. Contact me if you're interested in what I offer.

It is challenging to me TOO even though I've been doing this work / workshops / coaching for decades. Stressors trigger numbing out (the anxiety, depression, exhaustion) and shift our feelings and thinking to another level of focus (food, overeating, self-sabotaging) vs the source of what gets us there and dealing 'head on' w the issues.
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waterfalls Sep 2019
Touch your advice is excellent. We do need to have more self compassion. We may fall down but we can get back up and start all over again. Breathing and meditation worked with me in the past. Before I knew it those stressors and triggers were gone!
Waterfalls....:)
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Thank you for this question. You sound just like me. I don't have an answer and am looking forward to reading constructive comments.

I've gained 35 pounds in the last eight years. I'm not even hungry and I eat. I barely have time to exercise quickly - once or twice a week. I know I have to stop putting food in my mouth - especially unhealthy sugary things.

You are not alone, but that doesn't help any of us ...

I don't get much sleep either - so I eat later in to the night and earlier in the morning. Grab snacks instead of a good protein meal.

How do we stop the madness?
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I have gained SO much weight. What has worked for me now is taking my mom WITH me to the indoor pool and she counts for me as I do laps. I never really did swim in my adult life, but it is soothing, calming, and helps with weight loss. The best part is that Mom is there with me watching, so I don't have to pay for caregiving.
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anonymous272157 Sep 2019
Clever.
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Yes, I agree, it is very hard to diet during this time. Stress plays a big part in unhealthy eating.
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I did, but I think it was because I learned I have sleep apnea.
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Isthisrealyreal Oct 2019
Sorry to hear that Heidi. Are you using a cpap? My friend said it improved his quality of sleep so much that he is willing to travel with it.
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Short answer for me is that the stress from caregiving and my PTSD has actually caused me to loose weight my friends always ask if I’m eating however stress for me makes me loose weight. I have strict orders from my doctor for rest and relaxation and it’s hard for me to relax at all.. Caregiving to me is like a daily sprint. When I get home from caregiving I try to relax but.. um ya not easy to do.. lol I guess it’s different for everyone.. I think that people who don’t feel extreme amounts of stress cannot empathize how bad stress can affect a persons daily life.. I hope the best for you I’m actually trying to gain some weight..
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2 great apps, "myfitnesspal" (can also sign up for newsletter to your email) and "Lose it!". Easy to login, to set a weight goal, and easy to log meals as they have lists of food and calorie content even from store-bought or restaurants. Have a great support system too and suggestions about exercise like walking or drinking water, etc. Use the free versions
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Manson Sep 2019
My obgyne just told me about MyFitnessPal! She said it’s terrific.
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I have just started trying to take off some of my post-divorce, post-menopause, post-caregiving weight. A friend mentioned to me that she did this by figuring out how many calories she needed to maintain her current weight and then cutting back to that number minus 500 per day. I am trying that for myself. I am checking the calories in what I normally eat and finding I have to cut back portion sizes more than I would have thought. But, I'm trying.

Which brings me to a question. Does anybody have a recommendation for an app or website where you can log in your food and it will calculate the calories for you. I'd be happy not to have to look up every single item. Thanks in advance for any advice! And good luck to all you hopeful losers (of weight, that is)!
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DizzyBritches Sep 2019
Spark People has a user-created database, but I don’t know how well it’s vetted (there is an entry for “Sh*t I shouldn’t be eating,” apparently shared by a very blunt user). A lot of the entries are listed in terms of “one serving,” but they don’t specify how much constitutes “one serving.” so it’s back to looking at the label.

Now you may be able to scan the bar code on a package for its nutritional information, at least if the app likes your camera. But like everything worthwhile, there is a learning curve, and you need to invest some time into working with it.

My first day using the SP app, I went through my pantry and fridge and input into my database all the non-junk food that I normally ate, specifying how many servings were in a box/bag/packet. I found that very useful, and a little horrifying in some cases. But you can use the app’s food database for a ballpark figure.

That being said, I lost 65 pounds in about 9 months using the SP app. In retrospect, that may have been “too fast to last.” The community is amazingly supportive there and the full desktop has tons of helpful articles and resources..
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