I am the caregiver to my mother who is 77, has dementia, and COPD. She expects me to spend all day in the living room with her, keeping her company, watching tv. She is ok with me being in the kitchen cooking/cleaning, for the most part, but she occasionally will come into the kitchen and stare out the door to the deck, if she thinks I been out of the living room too long.
If, now and then, when I don't feel good or have a headache and want to lay down, I still without fail, will make sure she takes her pills and make her breakfast. Then after that, if I need/want, to lay down for a bit, within 20mins she will be standing in my doorway giving me puppy dog eyes, because I left her all alone. So out to the living room I go.
I do my best to try and keep myself busy. All she cares about is that I am conscious and in the room. So I have my laptop and tablet. E-books, games, etc.
Now, my sister does come over three days a week and stay with her for three hours. So I can run errands, do grocery shopping, and I get a break. However, some of the days I feel like I am ready to jump out of my own skin, I am so stir crazy. other days I am like a jack in the box. I pop out of my chair, run to another room for 5 min, then back to my chair, and reload ready to pop out again a few mins. I stopped drinking coffee and stopped buying soda with caffeine.
I understand she is lonely but its self imposed. She does not want to leave the house, she refuses to pick up the phone and call anyone in the family. She has her sudoku/crossword puzzle books, her cards she plays solitaire with, a window she stares out of, and her shows.
Anyone else in a similar situation?
As her dementia progresses, I'd try to arrange for someone to be with her at all times to comfort her and remind her that you are returning, are running errands, working, whatever she will accept will work. It's so stressful to provide care for someone who has these kind of behaviors. I'd try to get more time for yourself. It's so stressful.
Mom has lost all sense of time. Doing a task for an hour, she'll complain she spent the entire day doing it. She's like a dog, then. They are just happy to see you and if you're gone for an hour or ten, it's the same to them. This is a major shift in my understanding and compassion. Thank you!
Like you, it's ok if I'm in the kitchen but she can't stand it if I go to my room to rest or have some alone time and she will bust up in my room unless I lock the door. If my door is locked she screams and yells at me through the door. I feel like I'm losing my mind most of the time. I feel like a prisoner. I don't get to get out and spend time with my friends or do activities that I enjoy. I have no life outside of the four walls of the house. My church is an hour away so I can't go there either. I just sit in the living room and watch it on TV or on my computer. I usually say I'm going to bed early at night just so I can have a little time to myself before I fall asleep which usually doesn't take very long because I am so depressed. You are not alone!
plus sitting all day is not good for your health.
Go to your room & lock the door then if she knocks do a gentle scolding & take away her dessert or similar but make her aware that that is the result of her actions - even unplug her favourite show as a deterant ... it won't take long for her to learn the cause & effect - it may sound harsh but you need to have some time to do your own thing
I fantasize about moving!
”Yes, I just stopped to look at this dress/cosmetics/jewelry?”
”Ok but where are you?”
Click.
I later tell her the cell phone dropped the call.
In my case it’s not dementia, it’s “I dont have anyone to bring me this this this and that, or talk to me, or validate me, or...” I feel for you.
Look we know our seniors have it tough, many times they do not know what they are doing or why and if given a choice no they would not treat us this way (more or less) but that does not mean we are exempt from our patience being tested, our health being wrecked, and our desire to please someone who can’t be pleased put to the test daily. Silveron if you’re like me, you’re being too accommodating and making it too easy on people to avoid drama/anxiety/angst. That migraine is brewing is only going to be a painful reminder each time. I had one the other day that would have registered on the Richter scale.
Its all about him and what he needs (he thinks). Any free time I have must be allocated to him. Anything he wants me to do for him, however unimportant, must be done next day.
Same with the kids (I've got a 5 year old also). they have to take 2nd place because he comes first. As I've said before, he sees them as an irritation taking my focus away from him.
The dog would compete with the game for her attention, snuffling up the bed to poke her with a wet nose and then she'd lose track of the game and take the dog outside, and then lose herself in the game until the dog brought over a squeaky toy and wouldn't take no for an answer.