For the second time ever I used the word dementia to my mom. I didn't intend to, I had no plans to try and have any kind of future care talks or any talks aside from the usual small talk but I got backed into by my mom and now I'm paying for it.
Saturday eve my husband and I went to her place, at her request, for a visit. The whole time she was in a nasty mood. It's been raining here and to my mom this is a huge deal. Like she's being tortured because the weather isn't perfect. I let her groan on as usual, and then she ramped it up. Started saying she didn't like it HERE, and that she preferred her old place MUCH MORE and the weather there was so much better.
I still didn't say anything, but my husband started trying to diffuse her. He meant well I'm sure but perhaps framed it wrong, even though I think everything he said was valid, and kind. He said "well, we're all still adjusting and getting used to things", my mom then wants to know what WE had to get used to, and my husband tells her that "Piper worries a lot about you and that you haven't made friends", then I said "It would be good to check out the senior center". Her nasty mood prevailed and she shot that down. Then my husband said we had things we needed to discuss and should do that down the road.
Then my mom starts pushing me.... what do you need to discuss? I kept resisting that we should talk later. She kept at it, what? what? Finally I said, "At some point we need to discuss your future care needs and how that should be addressed".
She said Like what? And I said "You have a progressive brain disease and things will eventually need to be addressed", she said What??? So I said "You have dementia"...
That was it. Kicked out again. We left. Next morning I get a text that she's "Obviously not coming over for football or any day since me living close seems to be a problem for you. I will figure out what to do about it. Do not use the word dementia to me again. I talked to my neurologist last summer who took care of me after a stroke and I'm aware I have some memory problems."
I never texted her back. She's going to my sister's for Christmas and leaves tomorrow. My husband said he'll drive her himself.
What did I do that was so wrong? I'm so sick of dealing with this woman. I talked to my sister yesterday and my sister told me she thinks my mom should be in assisted living NOW, and that she was going to try and talk to her about it over/right after Christmas. She said she wouldn't use the word dementia, but stress that my mom is not happy here. We both know she won't be happy anywhere, and I warned my sister the talk might go bad fast. My sister said so what? Is mummy being mad anything new?
It never ends.