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This might seem selfish but I feel robbed by COVID. Robbed of the precious time with my mother whom has vascular dementia. During the COVID shutdowns of long-term care facilities in Canada I was unable to visit my mother which I was doing regularly through the week. I understood the need to close the homes because COVID was tearing through homes and a lot of seniors were at risk. Wasn't easy on me or many people in the same situation as myself. Even though I was able to talk daily on the phone with her it wasn't the same as being there holding her hand. Over the past year in total on and off I would say the home was shut to all visitors for about 8 months. Because of my regular visitations prior to COVID I was considered an essential worker, and finally allowed to visit. But here's the thing, mom's different now. The disease has stolen more of her during this past year and I feel like I missed so much time with her. Yesterday I had to come to terms with the fact that my mother is entering the last-stage of her dementia. F*ck I wish I had that time back.

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Same here. We had to put my mom in a facility in October and can barely visit. And when we do she is angry because she has to come outside and wear a mask and just complains the whole time. She still remembers us but I dread that change which is coming and I just want to have some fun visits with her before that. But we aren’t allowed in, she isn’t allowed out. It’s horrible.
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It's unacceptable. The workers there go home to their families and then back to work everyday. Thats more dangerous than anything. I feel horrible that you were denied this precious time with your mother. God Bless you both.
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Covid has stolen our time, health, jobs and lives. We have been in a public health crisis for more than a year. We'll all be happy when it's crushed. With dementia, declines are mostly inevitable. We have to accept things as they are. Make the most of your time with her now that visiting has opening up. Accept her as she is now and try to keep your time with her as loving and joyous as you can.
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It has taken so much from all of us. Husband and I are in our 70s and we have missed an entire year of seeing our family members and grandchildren. Some only live a few blocks away but, we can't sit and visit with them or watch them play. Their school plays, lunch with student day, etc were all taken away.

Our parents are gone and truthfully, I am glad because his dad and also my mom wouldn't have made it thru the past year without a lot of rebellion. Especially my mom. It has taken a toll on my husband and myself. We miss our friends and family members who live a couple of hours away. They are like us, not getting any younger and we would love to see them. Covid was a warning it seems that we need to spend time with our loved ones before we can't.

It has also been a test of our endurance, will power and patience. Some of us will come out of this better than we were because we learned from it while others, as we see on the news will let it turn them into impatient, destructive criminals.

I wish I had the past year back also but unfortunately, time can't be lived backwards but must be lived forward. I pray you get more time with your mom. Treasure every second of it.
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geddyupgo Apr 26, 2021
How wise and kind you are to look for the positive in a bad situation. Your family and friends are lucky to have you!!
Peace and joy to you
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I too just lost my husband of being in a a Alzheimer's & Dementia for 2 years. And the last year there I was only to see him threw a widow. Than had to move him to a Nursing Home and he was kept in isolation for 14 days. He than passed away 3 weeks later after he was their. Yes, I got to see him, after I got the call from hospital when he was on his last breath ! I was robbed one year of having time with him .. He died from icesollation, NOT CV 19, I will never get over it.. This is horrible what's happening!!!
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Petite1 Apr 25, 2021
So very sorry. This is just unacceptable. Like I said before..........the workers there go home to their families every day and then back to work again. This is more dangerous. Why cant people just wear masks when visiting. I just dont get it!! The dementia patients dont realize why all of a sudden their loved ones stopped visiting. It makes me so angry.
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DarleneRoy: I agree that the Novel Coronavirus has certainly been more than difficult for all.
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Covid has taken more and from more people than the elderly and their families, difficult as that has been. Everyone I know has suffered in some way, even in a State with precisely 1 death from community transmission (infections were stopped from spreading). Careers disrupted, relationships reduced to phone calls, businesses insolvent and their owners bankrupt, planned international travel impossible for the foreseeable future, more domestic violence and murders, mental health problems zooming, and just a lot of general misery all round.

I read a lot of history, and it was worse in the 13thC Black Death (one third of the population of Europe dead) and the 17thC Great Plague. Body carts in the street calling out ‘Bring out your dead’, mass pit graves, white crosses on doors with disease inside, and a hideously painful way to die. If they knew then what we know now about causes and transmission, they could have stopped it in the same ways that we are doing now. At least we suffer the disruptions for a good reason. Courage!
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I’m not sure whether I feel more grateful that Mom didn’t have to suffer through this whole year of separation or sad that we missed out on visits the last two months of her life. She passed away from a stroke the middle of last May. I know I am thankful that my brothers and I were allowed to spend her last two days with her in a Hospice house. And sad that her funeral was not what we would have wanted. But she’s with Dad and neither are suffering. My feelings are all over the place!
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Yes. They emptied the actual prisons & turned nursing care homes into prisons. We are living through massive crimes against humanity, especially the elderly & at this point we need to act accordingly to rectify the situation. Know the laws where you live & exercise your rights.
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MargaretMcKen Apr 24, 2021
It’s a frightening comment, with 500,000 people dead in the USA alone. Are there ‘massive crimes’ all over the world?
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I so understand your feelings and am sorry! My dad was in LTC with advanced vascular dementia and on lockdown. He began to really change and decline quickly due to the isolation. I saw him once outside the building near the end of May and he died one month later. He was in a coma by the time they let me see him in his room. Just a sad way to say goodbye and a sad way for his life to end. I’m glad you are able to see her now.
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Hi I feel ya. My dad is in page stage dementia as well and my family feels robbed. My dad has alot of aggression due to it and not being able to see family and wish this covid would be over as well. I am sorry for what your going through as well
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Reply to Emotional17
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Yes indeed! Covid has stolen time we have left with our aged family in facilities. You have every right to be angry. Covid could have been handled better and protected visits could have happened. Hopefully everything will be back to normal soon
But yes, Covid took precious time away. I guess we can be thankful that our own aged family survived this pandemic. Somehow, we have to move past our anger and share love during the days we have left.
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It has! And it has made us all crazy with fear. I hope those people who won’t get vaccinated can change their minds because they are preventing herd immunity and spreading the disease.
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VernacularNC Apr 24, 2021
SMH
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You most certainly are not alone. People who are in care facilities and hospitals are usually the most vulnerable, but, they also are making out on spending time with family. I know a couple.of people who have been in hospital and signed themselves out against medical advise due to their loneliness. It is horrible how the corona virus has affected everyone in one way or another. People in certain states can't even get the one day one person visits so please do your best to enjoy any time you have and don't blame yourself.
Bst wishes.
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Reply to thingsarecrazy8
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Yes, time was taken away from the entire world during the pandemic. Just value this new time and appreciate every minute of it. For those love ones who survived the pandemic, count it a joy and blessing to have them longer. There were some love ones who didn’t survive. You CANNOT change the lost time nor should you blame yourself for the pandemic lockdown. Move forward in life.
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disgustedtoo Apr 25, 2021
"Just value this new time and appreciate every minute of it. For those love ones who survived the pandemic, count it a joy and blessing to have them longer."

Yes, for those of us who have survived, LEARN from this. Value your life and loved ones. Don't stress over the little stuff and hold a grudge, you never know what tomorrow, or even the next hour, holds for you. When things return to a more normal state, make up for that lost time. Spend more time with your friends, family and LOs. Be grateful you all came through on the other side.

I didn't lose my mother to the virus, but we did lose her during the lockdown. I was allowed to be there with her at the end, following a second stroke, but it was really too late by then. She made eye contact and seemed to try smiling when I first got there, but she never said a word. They used meds to keep her "comfortable", but she never really came back to any semblance of contact.

Take your blessing people and relish them. Make up for lost time while you can.
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you are not alone, know how you feel. my mother got suddenly very sick last may. she was intubated in icu for 2 weeks but could have 1 visitor per day--gloved, gowned, masked. was in and out of hospitals and snfs since then. the hospitals were super strict with visits. but at least they communicated how she was doing, what she needed. next steps. etc. the snfs were a BLACK HOLE. we have no idea what they were like iinside--the rooms. the staff. the food. nothing. communication was spotty. we had to take our chances and trust. during all those snf stays, we could not visit Even ONCE. and she would answer the phone less and less, and when she did. she was less and less with it. we were losing her to disease and it was made 1000 times worse by covid visiting restrictions. the last snf (brand new and well run said the reviews) that she was discharged in decembrr did not allow visits and unfortunately did not provide the care she so desperately needed. we would call and be told she was doing fine, she ended up in hospital in March with septic shock and a uti. now at least we could visit--2 people were able to visit in masks and gowns and gloves every day. but by that time, she was gone. incoherent. there were no meaningful talks or happy minutes or smiles. she never met her great grandson who was conceived and grown and born in the 10 months since this started. she didn't make it and passed on tuesday. they cremated her yesterday. she is gone. I am devastated. there is a hole in my world which can not be filled. some people say covid is a conspiracy, but I say that only the devil could create a conspiracy that could tear apart families, and friends and destroy millions of lives.
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EmilySue Apr 26, 2021
I am so very saddened by your story.
HUGS and condolences, Raysgirl.
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Time was stolen an I think much more then people realize. It was detrimental to all but especially to the lonely loved ones left all by themselves. I think just the loneliness killed some. 😥
Sad situation that should have been handled differently.
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Harpcat Apr 24, 2021
I could not agree more!
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I’m just glad my mother has been under my care for the last 10 yrs & still is. We are not at the mercy of an establishment. Health aides & respite are much cheaper than nursing homes which take all their assets. Not only is my mother staying in our home with peace & family care, all her accounts are intact & available to her as needed. Sure I made sacrifices & it was an upheaval in my life but it was the right thing to do.
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disgustedtoo Apr 25, 2021
It is nice when one can manage to keep LOs at home, but that isn't always feasible.

On the flip side, while it is certainly easier for the virus to spread like wildfire once it gets in the door of a facility, there is no guarantee that the virus would avoid your house. Anyone who lives there or has to come there can bring it in a spread it. In your case, it sounds like you and your LOs were among the lucky ones.
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And, as always, there is the other side — that Covid restrictions meant I did not have to visit with a cruel narcissist.
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disgustedtoo Apr 25, 2021
Glass is half full? ;-)
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That’s so sad I just feel that these nursing homes could have dealt with the lockdown better they could have let people in to visit if they could show that they had tested negative for COVID other than that just try and make up the time you have now with your mother and maybe she will go back to being herself again
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AdultChild Apr 24, 2021
I think the conflict there is that when you get tested for Covid, you can get a false negative. Huge grey areas and no absolutes with this virus.
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This pandemic's lock-down (be it an over-reaction or not) has done so much damage. I hear a mother the other day talking about her 2 year old child (I have 2 grandkids less than 2 years old), that during this time of the child's learning of language, he's deprived the learning of facial expression. What about all the kids who are now 2-years behind in their education....some school districts holding them behind because of failing grades or the kids not being able to pass the Grade 3- reading/comprehension test. Or the teen athlete who practiced throughout their lives in their sport in hopes of a college scholarship or possible career in the sport. Importantly also, there's the mental and emotional damage the pandemic lock-down has caused in our kids.

Today I read that half of Americans are anxious in some way towards coming out of lock-down and restarting social interactions.

The pandemic has stole the opportunity, as with you DarleneRoy, in spending these precious time with your love ones at the last stage of their lives. The lack of social interactions accelerates memory lose/dementia. My heart aches when I hear the social isolation of our elders. It's not humane when we allow our elders to pass away without loved ones by their bedside.

This pandemic has taken so much from the global society. I hope we learn from this, study what we did right or wrong, and take these lessons should we encounter future pandemics.
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Chlokara Apr 24, 2021
Since I am in my 70's, I am terribly aware of the fact that I, and most of my friends, do not have that much time left, or that much "active and aware" time left. I resent very much losing this time in which I could have been an active senior, and spending time with friends. When I look back at my life, it seems that I was in high school f-o-r-e-v-e-r, but now four years goes by in the blink of an eye. Time is so precious, and the fact that so-called leaders have screwed around with my time angers me.
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You always have the option of taking her home and caring of her yourself. I did with my mom and never regretted it.
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We can't change the past or get back lost time. Today, focus on the love you have for your mother. Hug her and tell her you love her. She may not understand but it will do your heart good.
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Yes, this over-reaction to the cold and flu season was and is disgraceful. I am grateful that my dear late husband passed away before this whole fiasco began.
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lakin1013 Apr 24, 2021
Cold and flu season? It is a global pandemic.
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We all wish we had the time back. 2020, the year that never was. Life as we were used to was put on hold. The most painful consequence was the lack of socialization, no visiting, no assemblies (church, sports, reunions), not even any handshakes or hugging. I'm sorry you missed so many visits with your mom that now you see her in a worse state than earlier. You can't make up for lost time, but you still have days ahead that you can share.
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I’m sorry for your anguish and agree that Covid has stolen something from all of us
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I doubt there is anyone who doesn't feel that way, over the past year I have often felt grateful that my mother died before covid. I especially feel for those who have lost someone in the past year, I can't even imagine coping with that.
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