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Hi everyone. After Mom passed over 2 months ago I was encouraged to “do something” to help take my mind off the grief. Travel was an idea often mentioned and I finally had the “freedom” I desired so…why not?


It is definitely distracting to be out and about, seeing new things, having nice experiences and feeling lucky I am able to do this. But if the price of this freedom I thought I desperately wanted is coming home to Mom being gone, well, I’d trade it back. I find myself seeing something and thinking “oh, Mom will enjoy hearing that story” or finding an interesting stone to take back to Mom, only to remember she’s not here anymore.


After much thought I concluded I wasn’t anywhere near emotionally ready to handle the unpredictability and stress of travel on top of the sadness that just sits on my heart. Heck, I even started crying in a German castle!


I’m supposed to be heading out again in a month but I don’t know how to tell my spouse I don’t think I am ready to go anywhere again so soon, primarily because I can’t handle the stress-triggering emotional meltdowns. It would be a huge disappointment for someone who has already waited so long for me to be “free” to pick up and leave and I don’t want to let her down.


Has anyone else been in this situation, trying to balance your grief with the needs of your spouse?

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Hello, no I haven't been in your situation but I do recognise the situation of .....

"but I don’t know how to tell my spouse I don’t think I am ready to go anywhere again so soon, primarily because I can’t handle the stress-triggering emotional meltdowns. "

I know that feeling VERY well indeed. Tell him how you feel...straight up. You are allowed to feel....WHATEVER you feel. Own it. It's ok. It's not right or wrong.
I have been in a situation with my hubby where he completely invalidates how I feel many times. It happens much less now as I own my feelings much more. He doesn't have to understand, maybe he can't, but if/when he invalidates how I feel...I assert my boundary there and he just listens. Hope helpful! Best wishes!
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Why does it have to be traveling from one place to another. Fall is approaching. Children are back to school and college and places are cheaper and not crowded. Why can't you pick a place, by a lake lets say, with things to do or you just relax. By having things near by you can go when u want.
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Travel is stressful by itself.
What you might need is just some down time. A chance to relax, regroup and find your center.
After caring for someone leaving right away for a long trip or multiple trips might be just a way to not deal with what is right at "home". Accepting the grief, dealing with it and learning how to be YOU again.
If this next trip can be postponed I would do that OR make it a real low key, relaxed easy going trip where you don't HAVE to do something every minute. Encourage your spouse to go do what they want if you want to stay poolside, or on a porch reading a book.
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AsianDaughter, my heartfelt sympathy with the recent passing of your Mom.

What helped me get over losing both my parents was to start working on a family tree. I realized I didn't know who were my parent's cousins, grandparents, their parent's siblings, etc. What a treasurer it was finding so many people in their history. I found photos and newspaper clipping. I even found cattle rustlers :) Yes, all those people had also passed on which helped me understand the circle of life a little bit better.
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We all experience grief differently, so what would be helpful for one person is not for another. My husband passed away almost 2 months ago, and I've found that changes of scene have been very helpful so I'm not spending all the time in our home, with all its memories of him facing me constantly. I'm not traveling to distant places or unknown spots, or spending protracted periods away, but rather spending time in places and with people that are familiar to me and which mean a lot. For example, I've stayed overnight with my cousin at their summer home on a lake; spent time with children and grandchildren at our own summer home, something my husband and I hadn't been able to do for any length of time in recent years because of my husband's physical limitations. Do you have any family or friends nearby you could visit who would understand your need for just "down time"? Or a lovely close by place where you can get out in nature, relax, be away from reminders of your mom for a bit. Perhaps plan the longer trip with spouse for next year, when hopefully your grief will be less raw. Hubby probably means well, and is trying to make up for lost time, but you do need to let him know how you feel--and perhaps suggest alternatives to a long and far way trip right now. My husband and I did a lot of traveling in Europe, and I loved the planning and the travel, but right now I know I wouldn't enjoy it. Wishing you well!
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Stockholm Sweden
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